Meeting you wasn't luck.
Meeting you was fate,
telling me that I had just found
my guardian angel-
in the form of 500 characters or less
on a social networking website
641 days ago.

Not like I’m counting,
but 15,384 hours ago,
my life changed when you entered
as I had been wishing to leave.

3,140 miles away from me
is your bed,
that has the privilege
of seeing your smiles when you wake;
holding you when you’re sad
because when I extend my arms I embrace only air,
forgetting that you’re 7,287,940 footsteps away.

Because when my stars start to wake
your sun is still vibrant.
180 minutes doesn’t seem like much
until the red numbers on my clock are flashing 2 AM
while you’re still in yesterday’s company.

Sleepovers on 3 and a half inch screens
will suffice for now,
until the day comes
that I knock on your door
with an empty wallet
but an overly full heart.

16,579,200 feet isn’t so far away
When your heart is here with mine
Unable to compare to these hearts that beat
out of habit, not love.

The friendship we have is simply not measured
by the distance between our hands,
but the trust we delicately placed in them-
which we’re reminded of when we both look up to the moon,
as if it’s telling us 3,140 miles means nothing

And if someday I find myself sitting on a plane
10 hours and 29 minutes from meeting you,
my guardian angel,
the 55,382,400 seconds and counting
that you have been with me will seem like nothing
when I touch down in your arms.

it's no coincidence dad autocorrects to sad
or that family autocorrects to dysfunctional nights
spent over-thinking spat out words
that were meant to sting
but not to stay embedded in minds that
just like the ocean
slam against the shorelines of our emotions
pushing us so far out
we have no idea what our words mean
only that we'll regret them
when the sun rises

i didn’t know hope
until you became the light
in my time
of total darkness

i didn’t know trust
until i found myself
pouring my problems and insecurities
into your listening ears

i didn’t know fear
until you told me about
the silent killer
deep inside your bones

i didn’t know how to smile
until you told me
it was your reason
to keep fighting

i didn’t know confidence
until you reminded me daily
how perfect i was to you
how much you loved me

i didn’t know strength
until you told me
i had to be strong
for the both of us

i didn’t know anxiety
until i had to wait
days upon days
to hear from you

i didn’t know faith
until every night
i would find myself
praying for your health

i didn’t know regret
until i realized
getting angry with you
didn’t solve anything

i didn’t know shock
until your goodbye came
reminding me how much
i meant to you

i didn’t know reassurance
until you promised
that you would always
be watching over me

i didn’t know love
until you told me
i was the only reason
you held on for so long

i didn’t know sadness
until i barely made out
your final words
you last “i love you”

i didn’t know pain
until i was on the floor
trying to come to terms
that you had passed on

i didn’t know lonely
until i remembered
that you could no longer be
my best friend, my stability

i didn’t know relief
until i realized
you were no longer
in that unbearable pain

i didn’t know cancer
until it took you away
with no apologies
leaving me to wonder

*why you?