Go on and give me the cold shoulder
It fits your icy personality
Don’t bring your pompous nose out of the air
To look at the people below you
You’re better than that now
A little insignia on your clothing
Has you forgetting who your friends were
When you needed them most
Well next time you need a friend
You can turn to that insignia
Because I am a stubborn child at heart
Who holds on to everything

I cling to the day we met
A couple of anxious teenagers preparing to step into adulthood
Watching movies past midnight
Downing an entire six pack of pineapple juice
Not sure where the next year would take us

I remember the day I learned to trust you
In silent desperation I opened up to you
And showed you the fringed edges of my soul
The parts of myself that have been bruised by the short life I’ve lived

I can’t forget the day you came to me in tears
And I was there to comfort you
And even then you didn’t know why you were crying
We sat and cried together
Because we realized how cruel people can be

But more then anything I hold on to the way your eyes no longer meet mine
I can’t get over the way you choose to deny my existence
Like I am a lowly creature
And you, with your lofty gaze and your newfound love for yourself have better things to look at

So keep your eyes in the sky, because someday that is where I will be
And you will have to look at the ground, if you want to pretend I don’t exist anymore.

I sit on the edge of disaster
If I should fall
It wouldn’t matter anymore
I no longer cling to my petty existence
As I once used to
The mantra running through my head tells me to keep my chin up
But I can only lift my head so high, to pretend that I’m okay
I can only struggle to stay afloat for so long
Before my arms grow tired and my neck becomes stiff
I could simply stop struggling to survive
I would not take the air out of my own lungs or the monotonous pulse from my chest
I simply wouldn’t work so **** hard to make sure I wake up tomorrow
I long to rest beneath layers of dirt
Where the doubts and insecurities that gnaw at my skin
Become insignificant thoughts that float in the empty air
Without a troubled mind to invade

This village of two hundred and fifty six people probably won’t ever be ready for you.
Your secret will haunt the community for as long as it takes them to pretend you don’t exist
At first people may scream and cry
Fathers will load their shotguns and little old ladies will lock their doors
Afraid that you are bold enough to profess your love for another man
But behind the bolted windows and petrified stares
Know that you are not alone
Supporters will come from the most unknown places
Someday we can hope this place will change
But that doesn’t mean you have to wait to be honest with yourself
This place will always be filled with gossip
Where news is spread between hair dryers at the local salon
And political conservatism is ten times bigger then the grocery store
In this small corner of the world, where kind words and friendly greetings are waiting on every street corner you will meet the disgusting face of hatred
But when hatred dies, love will come up from it’s ashes

We sit in this room talking and laughing
No judgement, no secrets
And a large box of M & M's shared among friends
I cherish each word and every obnoxious chortle
Every anecdote, which fills this space
I cling to this moment and wish for it to endure
While we sit in our private sector of the world
Set aside from the foundation shattering headlines and news bulletins
We neglect the impending deadlines created by worldly demands
For a moment nothing on earth matters

Hiding my feelings is a craft I have mastered
Steering my emotions to make people believe what they are ready to assume
Concealing even the most basic instincts
Convincing myself it’s for the best
But when no one gets to know who you really are
Life can get awfully lonely
I’m going insane trying to maintain
The sideshow distracting people from seeing myself

How disgusting is this World we live in?
Because I know I am not the only person
Keeping their thoughts from the surface
I am not dark and twisted
I am just a person looking for love
From someone who loves me back
And I don’t want people to hoot and holler for me
I’m perfectly happy with no one giving a ****
Just don’t bring your picket signs into my personal life
Because I don’t protest your love for another
I’m not attempting to do anything radical
I’m not even trying to change the World
I just want to love a man
And not be ashamed to say it

The sun casts its miraculous glow onto the Earth
But what the sun illuminates in the day it abandons at night
With the coming of the sun we must also accept its absence
The cold chill of a dark night
As a massive shadow blankets the colorless sky
The beauty of the day forces us to recognize the cruelty of night

While many believe that darkness breeds fear
I am all too familiar with it
I attempt to cloak myself in the golden glow of sunshine
But as hard as I try to hide behind its beauty
The dark stain still bleeds through,
A part of me accustomed to the dark

And maybe I’m the only one who can see
Navigate my way through the pitch black
Because as hard as I try to cling to the beauty in this World
My heart understands darkness
Many times I’ve played naïve
Pretending life is always what we choose to display to the day

But I am always reminded of what I’ve seen in the dark.

I have met wonderful people
People who have shown me the secrets they know about how a life should be lived
And everyone’s got their own answers
To face the tests that come from each day of living
I have shown these people my solutions as well
But God passed a different exam to each person
Testing their will power, questioning their faith
And on the outside you can see the small struggles I’m facing
But a greater battle is waging beneath my thick flesh
I hide the fight I face each day
From the wandering eyes of strangers
And even some familiar faces may never see the darker side in me
Time and time again I deny the entirety of my existence
But as my bones lay exposed
And people see what I’m made of
Will they too deny that I exist?