A dream about you
telling me the meaning behind
your name in painful details

But darling, I have already
memorized it by heart
as a prayer from a faithless soul

You who taught me
that I can write such loving lines
only if it is you reading them

But now I ruin myself
because I know no matter
how many brutal lines I write

I will never get to see
your face light up
as you read them

I would give up heaven,
and worship her instead

I would give up heaven
to suffer through her hell

As long as I am
with my cruel angel

Oh, burn me
mighty one

I never truly belonged to myself—
not even once
—ever since I met her.
I was hers to claim;
completely and painfully hers.
I began to disintegrate when
she no longer cared for me.
Every part of me she once traced
with her finger has crumbled.
Only her touch can mold me back together.

She wanted me to stay
with the living, and I obeyed.
I have the scars to prove it.
Look, darling, I am bleeding
and bumping full of life and desire.
Ask for me and you shall find me,
alive, hungry, and waiting for you.
Though it is my true wish to leave,
I will not disobey her command.
I am awaiting my punishment,
or reward for staying even after she left.
I wonder what my punishment would be
when she knows that I almost fell for another.
That I was someone else’s reason for staying.
That their breathing changed
the closer I got to their hungry flesh.
Even the deepest part of hell knows
that I still long for her impossible commands.
My knees are bleeding,
but I keep pleading for her words to posses me.

I was born anew when she said,
“Thank you for being mine.”
I felt like I finally I belonged.
As if my heart’s been wandering all my life trying to find hers, so it can surrender itself in her palms.
And on that day, that one specific morning,
it was the first day of my life.
That she is my whole life.

But now she has left mine,
and I’ve been trying
to get my life back ever since.
My soul was laced around
the rhythm of her soothing voice.
And what remains of my stubborn heart
has melted into the lines of her palms.
She was my life’s begging and end.
It is in a way, a kind of ******,
and I’m grieving at my own funeral.

Oh, what I would give for your grace,
if only you ask of me

I am an ocean of sacrifice when
it comes to you, my day and night

And so I shall bleed for you
till you ask me to stop

And I will still love you
even if you ask me to stop

And I will keep yearning for you
till my breathing stops

And if the day comes where
my love does not move you

Then I beg you to rid me of this old thing,
hold my heart, and bury it gently next to yours

The sun and I both
burn for his morning face

We await his cold almond eyes,
and crooked lips
to greet us each morning

But he’s sharing his light
with another soul,
but mine

I wish to know how many cigarettes
must I burn till my burning longing  
reaches his frigid heart?