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423 · Sep 2014
Blinded
Briana4545 Sep 2014
My thoughts have become so dark
that you could set this whole world on fire
and I still wouldn't see the light.
Briana4545 May 2014
No, he didn't put a ring on it.
He doesn't even exist.
It's sad when a girl has to create a fake boyfriend
To get a guy to back off.

It's even sadder when it doesn't work.
404 · May 2014
Fire and Ice
Briana4545 May 2014
i remember ice that felt like fire.
it was strong, undiluted,
  better than usual.
i stood for about ten seconds
before gravity pulled me to the pavement and tore open my skin.
  
two voices shouted my name
and two hands that were not mine lifted me off the ground
  and carefully sat me back down.
i saw the blood, but i felt nothing
except for the ice running through my veins.

ice isn't supposed to burn though.

i thought about that in between
being force-fed bites of a snickers bar and
  being reminded not to close my eyes
as more hands that were not mine
held damp paper towels against my damaged body.

my eyelids were so heavy and all i wanted to do was sleep,
but your voice urged me to stay awake, to talk to you.
  you laughed when i said i didn't know what to talk about
and i cried when you asked me if i was scared
because oh god i was terrified.

it's been weeks.
a part of me is still terrified,
  but another part of me craves it,
craves it like a person is supposed to crave
the oxygen they breathe.

and that is what terrifies me the most.
397 · Sep 2013
Enough is Enough
Briana4545 Sep 2013
You’re drowning, but I can’t save you,
And, honestly, I don’t want to.
You’ve become so accustomed to burying your nose in books
That you didn’t even take the time to look,
To see that I’ve been drowning right beside you.
You’re miserable on a good day
Because you never had the courage to say
What was really on your mind.
I’ve tried so hard to be kind,
But there’s not much more that I can do.
394 · Dec 2014
Falling
Briana4545 Dec 2014
My mom asked me why I don't have friends anymore.
I told her it's because they left.
She told me it's because I pushed them away.

I don't know which answer is more pathetic.

But who needs friends
when you have stardust  p u m p i n g  through your veins,
making everything light and soft and so very  s l o w?
Hey, I might be broke and lonely,
but these wings can take me anywhere.
I'm unstoppable. I'm flying.

But no, I'm f
                     a
                      l
                      l
                     i
                   n
                 g.
I'm going  d o w n
                             d o w n
                                         d
                                           o
                                            w
                                              n.

Oh, god, please don't let me hit the ground.
387 · Sep 2013
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Briana4545 Sep 2013
My life is a joke,
so I might as well laugh,
right?
Well, I’m not laughing.
This isn’t funny anymore,
and I don't know
if it ever really was.
377 · Jul 2013
Addiction
Briana4545 Jul 2013
I’m not an alcoholic.
I’m a truth-oholic.
I like how it makes me honest,
But I suppose I ought to learn to do that
Without chemical assistance.

I should probably learn to do a lot of things
Without chemical assistance.
365 · Aug 2013
Stitches
Briana4545 Aug 2013
The thing that's holding
me together is also
tearing me apart.
Briana4545 Jul 2013
This has not been a good year,
And I fear
That it’s only getting worse.
343 · Dec 2013
"Home" for the Holidays
Briana4545 Dec 2013
No, no, no, no, no.
Get me out of here.
Stop asking me where I'm going
And when I'll be back
And what I'm doing
And how I'm feeling.
I miss my campus,
My freedom.
This is not home.
342 · Jul 2013
And Here We Go
Briana4545 Jul 2013
Go ahead.
Take my razors.
Send me to counseling.
I’ll be impressed
If it does a **** thing.
I am my problems.
I am a problem.
I just wish you could see
How comfortable I am in my misery,
How ready I was to die,
And how even though I lied,
I truly meant the best for everyone
But myself.
So go ahead.
Do what you wish.
Just know that I’m not expecting a change.
339 · Jul 2015
Five Weeks
Briana4545 Jul 2015
Five weeks.
I thought my frequent trips to the bathroom
Were brought on by stress.
I thought I cried all the time
Because I was depressed.
Five. Weeks.
Time is running out
And I don't know what I'm going to do.
305 · Aug 2013
Not Enough
Briana4545 Aug 2013
I’ll never be enough for me
Until I’m enough for you.
And we both know that will never,
Ever
Happen.

— The End —