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Briana4545 Mar 2015
i used to think that needing people was weakness
and that relying too heavily on another person
would make me less of one myself.
maybe i still think that.
maybe i'm a hypocrite for telling you
i need you.
even on days when i don't want you or even like you
i need you.
i swear to god i don't want to but
i need you.
and maybe i am weak but
i really ******* need you.
You're like oxygen, and I'm dying to breathe.
Briana4545 Feb 2015
I saw the way you flinched when I said
I didn't trust you.
I know it stung.
Good.
I hope it hurt; I hope it leaves a scar.
I hope those words ring in your ears
As you try to fall asleep at night.
I hope they haunt you,
And I hope you know that
I didn't just say it to hurt you.
(Although that is a bonus.)
I meant every word.
*I don't trust you.
You helped make me who I am now.
I don't even recognize myself anymore.
Briana4545 Dec 2014
My mom asked me why I don't have friends anymore.
I told her it's because they left.
She told me it's because I pushed them away.

I don't know which answer is more pathetic.

But who needs friends
when you have stardust  p u m p i n g  through your veins,
making everything light and soft and so very  s l o w?
Hey, I might be broke and lonely,
but these wings can take me anywhere.
I'm unstoppable. I'm flying.

But no, I'm f
                     a
                      l
                      l
                     i
                   n
                 g.
I'm going  d o w n
                             d o w n
                                         d
                                           o
                                            w
                                              n.

Oh, god, please don't let me hit the ground.
Briana4545 Sep 2014
My thoughts have become so dark
that you could set this whole world on fire
and I still wouldn't see the light.
Briana4545 Jun 2014
We were 5 years old when you asked me to marry you on the bus ride to school.
You told me you loved me more than anyone
And that you wanted to be with me forever.
We were 10 years old when you came over my house to play power rangers.
You always wanted me to be the pink one,
But I said no because my favorite color was yellow.
We were 12 years old when you got your first girlfriend.
You broke up with her a week later,
But I still cried when I found out.
We were 14 years old when you shared your headphones with me on that same ******* bus ride to school.
You wouldn't let me pick the song
Because you insisted I would like whatever you chose.
(And, believe it or not, I did.)
We were also 14 years old when we stopped talking.
You sat in the back of the bus,
I sat in the front,
And you listened to your music by yourself from that point on.

We were 18 years old when you took my virginity.
You were looking for an easy lay,
And I was just looking for a place to lie down.
The alcohol running through my veins
Told me it would be special if it was with you because deep down
I think I always knew that you were the first boy
I ever truly loved.
But when you pushed yourself inside of my drunken body,
Pleasing yourself as if I wasn't even there and then dashing off the moment you were done,
Leaving me naked and unclothed,
I knew that love was never mutual.

Maybe that's why I'm still writing about it eleven months later.
Did you change,
Or were you always so cold?
Briana4545 May 2014
No, he didn't put a ring on it.
He doesn't even exist.
It's sad when a girl has to create a fake boyfriend
To get a guy to back off.

It's even sadder when it doesn't work.
Briana4545 May 2014
i remember ice that felt like fire.
it was strong, undiluted,
  better than usual.
i stood for about ten seconds
before gravity pulled me to the pavement and tore open my skin.
  
two voices shouted my name
and two hands that were not mine lifted me off the ground
  and carefully sat me back down.
i saw the blood, but i felt nothing
except for the ice running through my veins.

ice isn't supposed to burn though.

i thought about that in between
being force-fed bites of a snickers bar and
  being reminded not to close my eyes
as more hands that were not mine
held damp paper towels against my damaged body.

my eyelids were so heavy and all i wanted to do was sleep,
but your voice urged me to stay awake, to talk to you.
  you laughed when i said i didn't know what to talk about
and i cried when you asked me if i was scared
because oh god i was terrified.

it's been weeks.
a part of me is still terrified,
  but another part of me craves it,
craves it like a person is supposed to crave
the oxygen they breathe.

and that is what terrifies me the most.
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