First period
Restlessness, shaking, fast heartbeat

Second period
Slow heartbeat, difficult to hold myself up, extreme drowsiness

Lunch
Extreme hunger, fast heartbeat, mild drowsiness

Third period
Difficult to write or even hold anything, semifast heartbeat, headache

Fourth period
Normal heartbeat, extreme joy, you

Medication always comes with side effects, good & bad
But when I'm around you, I feel like I was never even sick in the first place

Right over middle
Middle over left

You sit behind me
And braid my hair

"Don't move your head" he warns
"I don't want to mess up"

I smile and roll my eyes
Because you couldn't possibly mess up

You tie my hair
And rub my shoulders real quick

I turn around
And I don't understand the look he has

Hiding his smile with his hand
Trying not to stare but not succeeding

And I never knew
That braids could have this effect

I just hope that one day
You'll realize how much you mean to me

And how much I adore
The way you look at me

Because the way you smirk and shake your head
Drives me insane

He reached over and rubbed my back
Only for five seconds but it was enough

It was enough to stop my nerves and anxiety
It was enough to make me smile
And enough to fill my whole body with joy

To everyone around us
It was a friendly motion

But to me
It was a reminder I wasn't alone

And I couldn't have asked for a better use of five seconds

I want to scream at him
I want to scream in his face
I want to scream everything I hate about him

I want to scream until he knows my pain
I want to scream until he feels my broken heart
I want to scream until he goes home every day and cries

I want to scream until he understands how I feel
I want to scream until he understands what he did wrong
I want to scream until he feels bad

Because maybe if I scream at him
The voice in my head will stop screaming at me

I'm not afraid of heights
And I'm not afraid of snakes

I don't mind the dark
And small spaces aren't so bad

My nightmares aren't about demons
Or monsters or death

I'm afraid
Of the day he stops caring

I dread the day
He moves on

My nightmares are him not being there
And not having his hugs or kisses

My biggest fear
Is losing the one thing I can't live without

Because how can something live
Without the sun?

Just keep walking
Head down, music up
Ignore the stares
Ignore the whispers

Run into someone
Mumble an apology
Avoid eye contact
Mess with hair

Focus on breathing
Just keep breathing
Eyes start watering
Hands start shaking

Hear my name
Wipe eyes
Look up
Smile

Nothing's wrong
I'm perfectly fine
Just keep faking it
No one will know

Don't let him see
Just how broken I really am
Faking is all I can do
No one likes a depressed girl