but you don't really know how to touch me

There are tears bottled up

inside my heart for you

but i don’t want to cry

tonight or any other night.

- on keeping in and letting go.

My eyes have done this once before. Cried before I could process the why. The last time it happened was on my drive home after kissing the boy who'd go on to break my heart. I didn't know it then, but it would be the last time I'd see him. I've concluded over time that it was my heart sending my body a signal. "Tell her it's happening. Tell her he's going to bring us pain. Tell her he's going to tear us apart."

It's been two days since, and I can feel it now. You won’t be the one to see me through, you won't be the one to truly cherish my heart. You’ll come close enough, linger on the surface, but you won’t know how.

Don't **** up don't **** up don't **** up don't **** up.

  Please don't **** up on me.
  I like you so much. ****.

There, that's the poem.

The future is so uncertain
i don't know if you'll go on
to love me, grow fond of me and
embrace me for all that i am
and if you do
go on to do any
or all of these things, i don't know
for how long
Time, too, is so uncertain

and in all
of this uncertainty
i am certain
that i want it
to be You

my certain comrade
my certain love
in whatever way
in however many days
Time decides

It is You, You, You
that i am certain of.

I'm homesick for a love I've never had.