When you get like this
My fore front thinking
Goes from confident and content
To curious and contemplative

When you scream like this
My voice, tone and speech pattern
Go from soft and subtle
To sharp and strong

When you corner me like this
My animal instincts
Go from dormant and dusty
To dominant and destructive

When you're broken like this
My mortal heart
Goes from ruined and rotting
To revived and realizing

Sweet sleep slips softly,
Seemingly slowly slithering

-Slightly startling-

Surrounding sanity slides sideways
Smothering senses striking silence

Shifting, searing, sight
Steering spirit swarm, smite
Sinister sounds screaming spite

Stored secrets shine, shattering
Spin splitting shrouds-
Simultaneously siphoning seconds
Spent scrawling sacred sonnets;

Since saints shunned simply scratched souls,
Slumber sincerely scares, shaken scarred surfaces so...

**WAKE UP!

Out with the old
And in with the new
I'm rather sick of you
And your shade of blue
So pack your bags and keep walking it
Because these moccosins are wearing awful thin,
These shoes can't take the softenin'
So I'm stuck scraping the **** off of them
Where's the coffin when; you're needin' one
I didn't see the gum before I stepped in it
Now I'm left with it- on the bottem of my soul
And your diamonds are still coal so I'm still cold
To any bull that you throw,
Because the catch is I can catch its, truth
As long as any tooth stuck to the roof
Of your mouth screams out about
How it's living a lie and giving the blind
False hopes through all scopes
That have you in their sights
And sleep with you at nights;
When you're leaving your side
Of my bed freezing-
I can only hope
That one day your secrets,
Will become your regrets
And your defects,
Will become your respects.
Until then I keep my hand raised
In the background; in case my sound
Will ever be found, but it seems too loud
For me to come around-
So I keep my distance
And put my name on the guest list
Like I'm just another "friend"
Looking to the future
And having faith in the end,
Like you won't be another "again"

I can't tell you what it is,
but I know it exists.
It sounds like the winds- feels like a kiss,
smells perfectly sweet- tastes like it too.
And if I could see it,
I bet it would look just like you.

The button is pressed
Like you would squeeze a trigger
Its not a bullet that hits us
But its just as fast
The camera flash
Snatches a snapshot of the past
But time won't let this moment last
So it's a good thing the lens
Played witness to this instance
Now the purity captured in enternity
Is proof of her and me currently
Loving our uncertainty
And for that spilt second
These trees are seized by the breeze
Though it is brief each leaf
Is gently rocked to sleep
And it's their dreams that I seek to keep
Because its seems to be the only time I can SEE
My reality is fading to fallacy
So this is my last stand
And I will fight it valiantly
You can take my vanity
But leave me my sanity
I have a feeling this sand will be
Far past challenging
So if you are up for it
Box it and store it
Put the pedal to the metal lets floor it
Remember I kissed your lips
So tag. You're it.
Hurry up and make your move
Cause soon there won't be enough room in this tomb
Keep your eyes on tomorrow
But still live for today
And if you can't see that far
Then all you have to do is say
"Please, show me the way"
Though we both know you won't stay
But I'll play along anyway
Cause when the flash comes again
I believe I'll be leaves in your wind
Even if for only a minute
And as long as you're in it
Each pictures worth
Is far more than 1,000 words.

I have this disorder
Well, it's more of a sort of complex
I'm better yet broken no- destroyed
Closer to empty no- a void
Whatever it is, I can feel it's coldness
It's what the oldest thing I hold is;
It's what best story I've ever told is;
Its what the weight of this load is;
It's what the fork in my road is
Decaying, snoozing, heavy and confusing
But don't mind me if this sounds outrageous
I promise I'm far from contagious
So can you tell me what your name is?
And then just cause wondering,
Could you write your number right under it?
I tell you these things, show you my snakes
While I stand at my flood gates
And hope that your lust makes
The trusts break because I cant stand
How long this rust takes
Now it's your turn to learn
How much time of mine you can burn.

I lay gentle kiss of bliss
Upon her lips
My neck is blessed by her breath
Bodies are caressed as her *******
Are pressed against my chest
A bond beyond any words
Or explanation any feeling or sensation
But sadly the translation
Is lost in lust and tossed to the dust
Now the sun is coming up
Which is the que for my escape
But instead I just wait for you to awake
Because to see your face
In the morning day break
Is a more beautiful sight
Then any sunrise could make
Too bad it's fake...
There's a snake in the grass
Under that mask so I won't even ask
For you to be taking it off
I don't want to see
What your evil side is capable of
So back up your battered car
While I patch up my battle scars
Cause only these scattered stars
Know what the things that matter are
So I guess it's a plus you see
That you're only in love with me
While your lost in lust like me

I have this secret
That I think is best to confess
To lift this burden off my chest
I'm hoping this broken token
I'm holding will open
Door number four
Because one, two, and three
Just aren't enough for me
Now you can call me greedy
But believe me sweetie
You're more then enough to feed me
So don't decieve me
Just plain SEE me
Cause these days in time
I feel deaf, dumb and blind
So I hide this mind of mine
Behind every rhyme
And write every line
Like you're never going to read it
On the sole fact that I need it
So when you finally meet it
Treat it like you've never seen it
Just the first of the only
Two things I can give you
So if both your hands are empty
You need only to simply tempt me
In your palms I'll place them both gently
And grant you entry
Past that which defends me

Even though my life was merely grazed
By your beauty and grace
I am thrown back and amazed
At how it lingers and stays
In the back of my mind
Like my thoughts have embraced
Every moment your face got my gaze
So now even if you deem us impossible
And call every obstacle optimal
Or give me the title of optional
You can't take my thoughts or memories
Full of once upon a times and used to be's
And all would freeze if your breeze
Ever sang again through my trees
Sweetest song to ever float on my leaves
The fact that it was mutual
Made it infinitely more beautiful
But with the music dying
I don't know how high
We can keep flying
Spare me the glance
Just give me your hands
And let us dance through the plants
Because right now
I don't plan on having any plans
So let's not worry about forever
Let's not worry about the weather
My leaves in your wind
Let us dance together

Though covered in cigarette burns
And love stains this mattress is the only thing
That I can hollow out enough
To harbor all my shameful secrets
And instant regrets
As well as my dishonorable disgraces
Along with the faces
Of people from places
That I wish not to forget
But to never have known
If you sever the bones
That the muscles cling to
It all has to fall apart
Before it can scar
But as we all know now
Fallen angels don't fall very far
That must be why I seek sanctuary
Upon these rooftops
And ponder over these few thoughts
Like how hard you fought
And all the emotion that it brought
But now nameless and faceless
I am engulfed by the crowd
Trying to scream loud enough to be found
But my voice is drown in the sound
Of their laughs at the clown
So I kick off the shoes
And throw off the nose
Rip off the wig
And tear off the clothes
Like come and get it girl
I'm yours for the taking
But only if you can break me
And lately no one can do that safely
So hug me, kiss me, love me then miss me
But these whispers that I hear
And the sweet nothings in my ear
Better be sincere because I fear
That your name already became
Just another stain on my mattress
From another bad actress.

Shhhhhhhhh
Do you hear that?
I think I've heard that song before
Can you play it once more just to be sure
'Cause under all this water
Everything sounds strange
So can you stay in your lane
I'm not down with the pain
I don't need to know your name
Or your status in the game
I feel like we came for the same thing
So quench my thirst and cure my hunger
You get on top after I go under
Then the rain and thunder
Sound like an infinite number
And as you start to sing
They continue to bring
Ceaseless diseases that break me to pieces
So I'm begging Jesus please just release us
The singing has been ringing
And already started stinging
Can you take it back to the beginning
When it all seemed more fitting
This sound is dampening what's left
**** near making me deaf
So show me the next step
Because I still can't hear anything yet

Nothing but sand
As far as I can see
No hide and seek
This vulture is in sight of me
Continuously even in sleep
Massive wings a deep
Almost tranquil black
Each murderous flap
Hits like a thunder clap
Or better yet a back hand slap
To remind me of the fact
That as long as I roam
Nothing is ever my own
So when I find anything I feel is a meal
It swoops down to steal
Everything I call real
Now hardly far from starving
Me and this vulture keep arguing
That my nibbles and bites
Can suffice to keep me warm
Through these nights
I wonder how it will survive
When I'm no longer alive
Because it almost literally
Feeds off me
Then whispers it's needs softly
That I meet promptly
So it can constantly taunt me
Because the thought haunts me
That if it went home
I would roam all alone

The Winter is cold...
The Summer is colder...
With this heart of gold...
I will only get older...
And grow old all alone...
Incrazed by this constant ringing...
Of this beautiful tone...
Of a heart still stinging...
And burning with fury...
Enraged in wrath...
But still I worry...
About following this path...
Is it the same?
Just like before...
Is she playing a game?
I can't take much more...
Maybe I should get away...
From the pain before it comes...
Maybe I should stay...
So that this pain just numbs...
Or it might just not come at all...
I hope it doesn't show...
I don't want this one to fall...
Baby I just want you to know...
That I love you...
And I'm going to stay...
I hope you love me too...
And I'll never go away...
I love you too much...
Please don't be mad...
'Cause I miss your touch...
And it's making me sad...
I need your love now...
More than ever...
I need your vow...
To never, never...
Leave me alone and always be there...
'Cause I won't stop loving you...
And I think we're a cute little pair...
And I hope You still love me too...
Now I will never miss...
This eternal bliss...
As I run back through the mist...
And you come into view...
You're still there...
You waited for me...
I tell you I love you...
And you say it back...
So now I see that you do love me...
Now mutual love we will never lack.....

This heart is still stinging
And the beautiful tone
Is still ringing
But now its getting louder
And now its hurting more
Now this heart is powder
My angel I still adore
Even though I told you before
That I love you much more
Than you could ever believe
You still walk away and you still leave
I'm lost without you
So I sit and I cry
But dont worry Im not going to die
Plus you're the one with cheeks that are dry
I dont want us to be done
But I guess what I said is true
About me and you
I am the moon, and you are the sun
Even though we look close and near
We are a million miles apart
And what I fear
But it wasnt like this from the start
Why cant we go back to the way we was
Exactly how we used to be
When our relationship was a buzz
When I loved you and you loved me
But now everyone can see
We arent how we used to be
I still love you but you dont love me
I thought we would last
I said it wouldnt be like the past
I thought we would last long
But I guess I was wrong
I thought our love was strong
But I guess I was wrong
I guess its too weak
To even last a year
As you sit hear and speak
Telling me everything I dont want to hear
Who knew this would hurt this bad
How could you do this
Knowing I would be so sad
Knowing I would be so mad
You say you want me as just a friend
What about what I want?
I want to be your boyfriend
But who what I want
I guess you dont
I want you to stay with me
But I guess you wont
My heart was terrified
To ever love again
'Cause it has once before died
So I just curl up and hide
'Cause I hurt so bad inside
You tell me
That we cant be
If I cant tell you how I feel
But if our love was real
Its shouldnt even matter
As my heart lies here battered and shattered
I thought you would be there
To help me pick up these pieces
But as long as you stand there and stare
My anger and love does all but ceases
I need you here by my side
So that I wont hurt so bad inside
She took and broke all but my pride
And then left me behind
Then you came to pick me up
When I was weak and defenseless
When I was just a boy, just a pup
And now I'm a man but still helpless
I need you to love me more
And love me no less
But you leave me alone
In a wreckage of mess
As my heart turns to stone
I need you much more
Than you ever needed me
That why I can believe
That you could leave
Me on this floor alone
As my heart turns to stone
And this anger rises
And boils over with wrath
While it shrinks 6 sizes
Now its just a pebble
But still a stone
And I lay here alone
Lying here motionless
As you close the door
And now I'm emotionless
While I lay on the floor
I sit up and watch you walk out
And you dont look back
So I just sit and I pout
I dont know what this is about
I dont know how you could do it
Or why you would do it
But I just drop my head
And lay in bed
Just thinking.....
As my heart keeps sinking
Deeper and deeper
As my life rolls down this hill
Steeper and steeper
No my life comes crashing down
And falls into ruins and rubble
Because of you I hurt double the trouble
And I fall into the dark
My love, just a faded mark
I'm still falling
I dont know where I'm going
I hit the ground and its snowing
Its so very cold
And the air is bitter and ****
I know where I am now
Since the walls are stone
I'm inside my heart
And I'm still alone.................

Just yesterday...
I hugged you...
Just yesterday...
I kissed you...
Now today...
I fight with you...
Now today...
I yell at you...
I hate this...
And I miss...
Our endless loving bliss...
And I clench my fist...
As you fade into the mist...
Once your gone...
I stall...
Once your gone...
I fall...
Onto my knees...
And now I'm nothing...
I'm begging you please...
With you I'm everything...
Without you I'm nothing...
So dont leave...
I need you here with me...
So that I'll be...
Something, someone...
So please dont tell me..
Dont tell me we're done...
And I dont want a break...
Because us apart...
I just cant take...
All the pain...
And I cant take the hurt..
Thinking my loves a stain...
On your shirt...
Baby I want you back...
I promise I'll pick up my slack...
And I'll try really hard...
If it will make you happy...
I'll drop my guard...
And I'll let you see ME...
The true me...
I'll open up...
And I'll spill it all...
Just for you to see...

If only, if only...
If only you knew...
How much I care...
And how much I love you...
Your spot in my heart...
Is vast and wide...
Nothing can compare...
To this love I hold inside...
This love for you...
That I hold, is umatched...
And I know you love me too...
No one can understand...
That our love...
Can cover this land...
Mabye its just me...
Or maybe its just our love...
But to me your an angel...
Right from above...
God sent you down to me...
As a special gift...
Just for me, and for everyone to see...
I have u now only for me...
But I still lack to see...
If only if only...
If only I could see...
How much you care...
And how much you love me...

You walked away...
Even though I asked you to stay...
I just want to be friends...
Thats what you told me...
As our love ends...
And now I see...
Reality and the truth...
You never loved me...
And it was just a spoof...
Off the real thing...
Like a glass one...
To a real diamond ring...
And my heart did sting...
But now not so much...
Now that I realize...
I hurt because of your touch...
But now that its gone...
I feel so much better...
Now that its gone...
I feel like I'm so much more...
And our love will never soar...
Because it was never there...
This all comes to mind...
While I peirce you with my cold blank stare...
Thanks to you I will never find...
My missing piece to my heart...
And I hate this part...
As you walk out and say goodbye...
I sit and I cry...
But not over you, God not you!
I know I'm still alone...
That is the reason and that is why...
I sit here and so hard I try...
Not to break down and cry...
As I sit here with no one but Me, Myself, and I.....

Whenever I hugged her...
I pictured it was you...
Whenever I kissed her...
I pretended it was you...
Whenever I told her I loved her...
I was talking to you...
Whenever I looked at her...
I saw only you...
I said she was beautiful...
But I was talking about you...
And when she walked away...
I still saw you...
And in the pain she gave me...
I still felt you...
Yet still in the anger I have...
I feel her...
I cant feel you...
Because I love you...
And I dont love her...
I told her I did...
But I guess I lied...
She told me she did...
But I guesss she lied...
And inside I died...
Not because she lied...
But because im alone...
So very, very alone...
With this heart of stone...
And the tears fall...
As I talk to her on the phone...
And reminisce...
Of the bliss...
With me and this...
You, the woman I love...
So when you hear me say i love you...
Always remember forever...
The one I love is Not Her But You..........

If I told you I hate you...
Would you cry?...
If I told you I loved you...
Would you ask me why?...
Because at one point I did...
But now I don't...
Now I hate you, as you close the lid...
On me...No on US...
I hate the way you smile...
And I hate the way you giggle...
If I could turn back time, just turn back the dial...
I would turn it back, but just a little...
Back when you never knew...
How much I cared and loved you...
But none of that matters now...
As I start life a new...
A life without pain...
A life without hurt...
A life without tears...
But most of all....
A life without you....

A heart still stinging
The tone still singing
And still ringing
Still enraged in wrath
Still burning with fury
But now
Right now
The beautiful tone ceases
And now it's dead
Just like all these pieces
And I pick them up
One by one
While these tears drop
Until the day I'm done
Until the day I die
And I ask my self why?
Why am I so stupid?
How could I let you do this to me?
Again! You think I would learn
Since it happened once before
You think that I would see
By the way you acted
By the way you attracted
All these guys
But although I knew
You would never do anything
I just never thought that you would do this
I just thought that you wouldn't hurt me this bad
I didn't think that it would hurt this bad
But now I'm not sad
And now I'm not mad
Because now I see
You never cared for me
And now YOU see
I care not for you
But only for her
And me

I told you I loved you...
You told me you loved me...
But you never knew...
How much I hated you secretly...
And now I'm glad you left...
And now I'm glad Your gone...
Since you left...
My happiness can dawn...
And now that I see...
The real truth...
That you care not for me...
And WE were just a spoof...
But no matter what you think...
I am fine, and I am OK...
You hit me with everything you had...
But I'll live to love another day...
And to your suprise, I still stand...
Because you can't see...
That you can't faze me...
You're not strong enough...
And your too weak in your own mind...
And I'm too tough...
And you have yet to find...
YOUR true love...
And your Angel or Godsend from above...
I just wanted to tell you...
That I am fine...
And see if you knew...
That I found mine...
And its not you...

I just wanted you to see...
I never tried to hide it...
The hatred I held within me...
And now you throwing a fit...
I knew this would happen...
As soon as you found out my secret...
The not so secretive hatred...
Within my heart and mind I held it...
And now you know and you have found out...
And you despize me...
And now you know what my poetry is about...
And I'm glad you see...
Me for me...
And my hate for you...
If only you knew...
How large it is...
It has engulfed my mind and my spirit...
And now all I have is this...
This love, a wonderous love...
But love not for you...
Oh God not you...
Love just for her...
You never knew...
But now you know...
Because I never tried to hide...
My hatred for you...
Now that you know...
YOU hurt inside...
And I love your ignorence...
But the truth is...
Yor ignorence is bliss...
And Its that bliss...
That I will miss...
As I stand with her...
Laughing in the mist...

I sit here missing you...
Knowing I can't have you...
As I sit here wishing I was kissing you...
And a tear rolls down my cheek...
As I softly touch your face...
But of my love I shall not speak...
It tears me apart, knowing I can't share...
This terrible burden I must bare...
Knowing there are things I can't tell you...
Like how much I love you...
And how much I need you...
How long I want tou hold you...
How tight I want to hug you...
How bad I miss you...
How bad I miss us...
You don't know...
Because I will never tell...
I'm leaving her behind...
Because all she does is yell...
And moan and *****...
Because she is an evil witch...
And the only thing greater...
Than my hate for that *****...
Is my love for you...
You never knew and you shall never know...
To what extent I will go...
Just to let you know...
Just how much I love you...
But I can't let it show...
And my love you will never know...

For so, so, very long...
You have loved me...
And I have loved you...
When I think all is wrong...
And all is blue...
Then I see you...
And all is well...
And I am strong...
Now you know...
And now you can tell...
How much I love you...
Now I can let it show...
And now my burden is lifted...
And my heart has shifted...
Now I feel no hatred...
But only love...
I still don't like her...
But now I can stand her...
And It's still you and not her...
But atleast you now know...
The size of the love I hold...
The love untold...
The love begining to unfold...
And unwrap between us...
As she sits in a fuss...
And I give you a kiss...
Then I crack a devious grin...
While I think of this...
Dream of us together again...

You thought you could do it again...
But you thought wrong...
'Cause this is now and that was then...
And I guess I'm not strong...
'Cause I see the game you trying to play...
And I see that scam you trying to run...
And I let you do it all day every day...
But she gives me the strength to say I'm done...
So it's no longer "her"...
And its no longer "you"...
I have a new girl...
Taking my world for a whole new twirl...
Now things are better...
Since me and her are together...
And since I cast you aside...
I can see the truth you desperatly tryed to hide...
In the crevasses and holes you call a heart...
Deep down inside...
You tryed to shield me...
And protect me from her...
You tryed to help me...
When life was a blur...
But now I see clear...
And now I see all...
While I hold her near...
And I stand tall...
And hold her at my side...
As I change the tide...
While she melts my cold heart...
And chisels the incasing stone...
And I smile while it tears you apart...
'Cause I have this new girl...
And your still alone...........

Standing in this room
With the leaking ceiling
While the rain pours down
Drops shattering on the roof
And sneaking through the cracks
Being caught by these pots and pans
As my heart unfolds
Singing a song unsung
Telling a story untold
Unspoken whispers at my lips
Screaming secrets at the tip of my tongue
Mind cowering in the corner
Scared of life
Afraid to die
Can't escape from this pain
Immune to happiness
Numbed by hurt
Broken by love
Fed by hate
This is my life story
As long as you stand next to me
Holding my hand

Your 'love' sickens me
But it has trapped me
In my own mind
And I beg it to set me free
So I might see the sun
So I might find the one
The one I might call my own
So I will no longer be alone
The one who will love me more
Than all the ones before
But I will never find
This beautiful girl of mine
'Cause I'm trapped in my own mind
Stuck in this hell hole
Because my heart you stole
But now I'm stealing it back
Even though I'm shackled to this rack
And chained up in this cell
While you make my life a living hell
'Till she comes to save me
And release this love within me
Because its her and only her
That keeps my life a stir
And then I awaken
A deep breath I take in
I'm stilled shackled and chained
My heart still scared and maimed
Someone's coming through the door
It's a girl but I can't tell much more
And I relax my fists
Because I know who it is

As we sit together
And she sits next to us
Envy burning through her eyes
Like a million fire flies
A burning, crackling, roaring flame
Fed by her shame
All because she wanted to play this game
And she wanted it to be the same
But she forgot one thing
Her game is lame
And now she is mad
Because now I'm not mad
'Cause I have you
And she and I are done
'Cause I found the one
Now this heart of stone
Is no longer alone
Because now I have you
And you have me
And the world will leave us be
'Cause your love will set me free
Releasing my shackles and chains
Taking me outside of this cell
To where it never rain
Escaping my spirit from this hell
Although these scars still stay
And they will never go away
But your love keeps my anger at bay
And your kiss lets me live another day
So here, forever, I will stay.

You gave me pain
And you gave me hurt
Now my heart slain
Lying beneath the dirt
So I'm sick of your pain
And I'm sick of your hurt
Because I love this one
And I love you none

Now its the end of your lies
And the end of your betrayal
As I say my goodbyes
And end this horrible tale
No more will my heart fail
Because I love this one
And I love you none

I'm no longer hurt
And no longer in pain
Now you are just a stain
Smeared on my shirt
Now you feel the pain
And now you feel the hurt
Because I love this one
And I love you none

As I walked through the wind
Tears soaked into my cheeks
Thinking of things we could have been
And could have lasted longer than a few weeks
As my cheeks stay dry
And I no longer cry
Because now I know why
Why I had to die
So that my soul could fly
And be freed from this torture called "life"
Now on hatred I feed
And I thrive on struggle and strife
So as I lie dead
And you are confused and mad
Off your hatred I am fed
When the razor ripped my skin
I already knew I would live again
In death I see the truth
Loving you was a sin
My body rests under earth and rocks
My soul sits in hell and talks
And chats with the devil
Told him to curse your soul
And the very earth on which it walks
So now your life is in ruin
And it's a living hell
And when you're released from your shell
And rescued from your cell
My spirit will rise
Just to haunt your "life"
And torture your very being
To make you envy me
And make you wish you were me
Wish you could be
Just like me
Exactly like me
Make you beg and plead
"Please! Please just **** me!"
But I let you live
I want to torture you
As you tortured me
I'll let living eat away at you soul
Make you pray for death
Then we both get what we want
As I take in my breath

What would you do if you loved someone...
But they didn't love you back...
You just want to pull the trigger on that gun...
Until the point where body has slack...
What would you do?

What would you do if someone hated you so...
Even though you loved them...
And it's ****** up cuz they know...
Exacly how you feel now and then...
What would you do?

What would you do if you knew how she felt...
And she knew how you feel...
And once her heart you did melt...
And once your heart she did steal...
What would you do?

What would you do if she felt nothing for you...
And you felt everything for this girl....
She no longer calls you her Boo...
She was perfect for you like oyster to a pearl...
What would you do?

What would you do if your world was coming down
And there was nothing you could do
But sit and watch
As everything goes to ruin........

How was I supposed to know
That things would end like this
How was I supposed to know
That you would do something like this
That I would feel a pain like this
Every time you don't speak
My heart becomes weak
I no longer see the love in your eyes
The love I now despise
And hate with so much passion
The emotions erupt within
My mind, body, and soul
That rocks my very spirit
That chisals at my heart
Until you can no longer see it
But I need you as mine
So I hurt no more
So that I really am fine
And I really am ok
So I no longer have to lie
So I can live and not die
I can only dream that dream
I know it won't happen
But I'll tappin' and tappin'
On true love's door
Until I break it down
And demand you by name
With a roaring flame
Of love and nothing less
But I'm too late
You have found you "soul mate"
I guess this is fate
The way its supposed to be
So much I love you
I guess you don't love me
If I could change my ignorence
Alter my stupidity
I would make me see
The way you look at him
The way you used to look at me
No more you stare
Now you just glare
I thought the love we had
Was special and rare
But, again, I was wrong
Now I'm stuck singing
This sad, sad song
With this non-stop ringing
And this constant stinging
Shreding my very being
But I keep you from seeing
My pain and my tourment
My heart thats broken and bent
Pieces are shattered
Beaten and battered
Standing with this girl flirting
Then I see you and him
And for a second all is dim
With the residue of love
But as you pass
So does the thought
And when it and you are gone
I'm back to talking and walking
Just sitting and bullshitting
You have this new guy
And I have my new girl
But I still ask why
Why you still sigh
And reminisce of us
And our secrets in the mist
I also wish we could go back there
So it will be just you and me
So I can whisper softly to you
I love you , baby....
And you can whisper back to me
I love you too....
Love's rendezvous

Mischievous secrets
Softly screamed in my ear
Anger surging
And racing through me
Voices no on else can hear
Crying out in my mind
Revealing truths
Sheding light on shadows
Soul cowering in the corner
Afraid of everything, everyone
People you've hurt before
Try to warn me and tell me
Exactly what will happen
If I say only 3 words
Fatal words hurtful words
You know of the damage they cause
And of the wreckage they bring
Yet you say them so meaningly
Your trying to hurt me
And bring me pain
Well you succeeded
My heart is slain
And I feel a pain
Like no other pain
And I still tell you
I still love you
And no matter what
I always will
And you never will
So ***** I spill
Because you make me sick
Because you think your slick
But you're not
All this is what runs through me
And my mind
As I sit here and you tell me
This 3 word devastation
That I fear, so much I fear
As I'm dripping a tear
As you softly whisper in my ear
I love you dear
Tears crystal blue
Becasue I know its not true

All my life
I have hidden my emotions
And my struggle and strife
All my love and devotion
Until I found you
And told me you loved me
I called you my boo
And you called me your baby
And I thought maybe
This can be the one
The one to save me
Take me from the pain
That I have felt for so long
Bleach the stain
And end this song
But in the end
When all the smoke cleared
You lied to me
And I was wrong
Inside it hurts
And its hurt for so long
That I go to bed wishing
And dream that I dont wake up
Just to face another day
That hurts but wont **** me
Where you see me and say
I love you baby...

The truth pulled over my eyes
Spewing from your mouth
She told me nothing but lies
And I did nothing but believe them
I lay on my back
Her head on my chest
Looking up at the ceiling
I thought my heart ache was your doing
But I never saw reality
All I saw were her lying truths
Lying in my bed
While she kisses my forehead
I lay motionless and dead
My love starving with no water, no bread
I need to fill this empty hole
The hole that you stole
The part of me you took away
When you turned your back the dredful day
You walked to him and I heard you say
I love you to him and not to me
And just like me
He is blind, he does not see
The same thing I failed to realize
Until it was too late
Just like me he took your bait
Walking straight into heart break
He doesn't heed my warning
Because his heart you're warming
Like a snow covered horizen
Being touched by soft rays of morning
Lying in my bed
While she kisses my forehead
And says she loves me
I heisitate to answer, I'm thinking
Half of you and half of nothing
And my blank stare tells her everything

There was this one time
When you were all mine
And everything was fine
Your holding my hand
As we walk through the sand
I look into your eyes
You look into mine
I see love and I see no lies
All is pefect and all is well
Walking through the halls
While they ring the school bell
I say my goodbyes
Still seeing the love in your eyes
Knowing that upon my return
You will no longer yurn
For my touch, my kiss, my love
Because I be there
Running my fingers through your hair
Telling you how much I love
And how much I missed you
You tell me it was only an hour
I smile and tell you I know
And as I hug I whisper I still missed you though
You smile and kiss me
And tell me you love me
The love I still see
And at the end of the day
When I walk away
I can't see your love
But I can feel your love
Raining down from above
Your whispered 'Ilove you's
Floating in my head
I can hear your love
Like the gentle beating wings
Of a snow white turttle dove
I lick my lips
I taste your lip gloss
Its the smae kind that I bough you at Ross
I can taste your love
Now I have all of your love
Or so it seems
This is why I wake up crying
We are together
Only in my dreams....

If I know you lie
And I know you hurt me
Then why oh, why
Do I look at him with so much envy
When I see you hugging him
Why do I let it get to me
Why did I let you hurt me
Just as you continue to do so
I ask questions I'll never know
And neither will you
When you kiss him
It hurts me
Just the same when he kisses you
This much you knew
But you don't care
And I despise that
But I still love you
But hate you equally
I glare at you hatefully
Yet I stare at you lovingly
And still wish
To give a soft kiss
And whisper in the mist
But as I stand outside
Peering upon and inside
I see someone invading my space
Deep down I knew you would replace
My true love with his lying face
I stand out side looking in
See you and him stand
Together again
Hand in hand
I stare at your face
Drip a crystal blue tear
And vanish without a trace

You knew I loved you
And you know I love you
Still you brush me off
And turn me aside
Now I turn the tide
And let my anger free
Though my insanity
I hurt you now
But dont you worry
I wont hurt you physically
I'll just hurt you physcologically
And drive you crazy
'Till you hear the things I hear
And see the things I see
'Till people tell you
The things that they tell me
And the whispers oh the whispers
Whisper so softly
But still driving me crazy
Stealing away my sanity
Hurling me into a world of choas
Here no one can bother us
Not you and me
But the voices of my insanity...

I wish you knew
How bad it hurts
To watch him kiss you
To stand next to you
And act like we were never
Never together
Like I never said I love you
And neither did you, never
But we both know
We did love each other
And we let it show
We didnt care who saw
Your lovely kisses leaving me in awe
My hearts beats 100 miles an hour
Whenever your lips touch mine
Whenever your eyes meet mine
'Cause your hand fits mine
So perfectly
Like it was meant to be
And when you hug me
And squeeze me gently
Then touch me warmly
All I can do is smile
So you kiss me again
Oh so softly
I hold you closer
Hoping you will stay
But again you slip away
Again I live alone
Day by day
I wish you knew
That I can't live without you
And how I love you so
When you see me with her
Your emotions don't flow
But when I look into your eyes
I can't see that you know...

Everyday I see you
And everyday I hug you
I just wish that every day
I could tell you I love you
So I dont in fear
That one day you'll walk away
And leave me like all the rest
And my broken heart will be filled with sorrow
And insanity will settle in tomorrow
So everyday I just call you my friend
Sitting across from you daydreaming
Looking at the auroa gleaming
From your flawless beauty
You see me staring at you
And faintly smile, wink, and blow a kiss
I smirk and kiss the air
You giggle cause you were kidding
And you think I am too
As to not reveal my true feelings
I giggle along with you
Even though it hurts to not tell you
And every time we play like that
It feels like your killing me
Cause my pain you dont see
I just wish I could let you know
How I feel about you
Only if you felt the same
Right when I'm about to tell you
Into my life she came
A girl that can give me anything
A girl that has everything
Now once again I'm stuck
Caught in a tug-a-war of emotions
And in a waterfall of love
And still I dont know what to do...

» Poem: The Story...
The Story...
written by ~Anonymous~
09:16 AM 8/9/05
Poem Style: none
There was this boy
Who loved this girl
She never knew
But she was his world
But then one day
Just out of the blue
He decided to confess
He decided it was for the best
He called her and said
"Meet me at the park tomorrow,
I have something to tell you"
She said back to him
"Why the park? And Why tomorrow?"
He whispered "Its for the best"
She said "Huh? I couldnt hear you"
He said "Just do it, and i'll explain the rest"
She gently said "Dont you remember?
I'm moving tomorrow or had you forgotten?"
He said "I know, I want you to leave
With a thought in your brain."
Then whispered "And get rid of my pain"
She yelled back at him "Stop mumbling!
I cant understand you!"
He said "Sorry just thinking out loud."
She said "Well i have to go now so,
I'll see you later?"
He said "Tomorrow...two-thirty."
She said "I'll try if my mom will let me."
They both hang up
He sat back and sighed
Then thought to himself
I need to get out what I feel inside
Tomorrow came and he was at the park
He didnt see her
But she still had another half an hour
2:20 shes not there
2:25 he started pulling his hair
2:30 and he started running to her house
He cut through yards
And jumped over fences
Out ran a dog
And dodged a car
He was so close yet so far
When he arrived at her house
Her car was dissapearing into the horrizon
He went to the door to bang his head
But before he could
He saw a note stuck half way in
He pulled it out and opened it up
He slowly dropped his head
A tear dripped onto the page
Because this is what it said:
"Hey you,
Sorry I didn't come to the park. I didn't know we were leaving so soon. I figured you would come by the house if I didn't show up so I left you this note, I'm so smart, anyway since I'm moving to Europe I'll probably never see you again and I just wanted to say goodbye in one way or another. Oh, sorry you didn't get to tell me what you wanted to tell me but it's not like it was important right?

Love,
Me

You didn't know
How much I hated you
But now you know
How much I hate you
I hated sitting
And doing nothing
As my heart dwindled
And my mind shriviled
Both sinking into nothing
While my soul falls into darkness
Bathing in this jet black tranquilly
And I'm finally resting peacefully
I hate you for the things you did
Not to me but to my family
They aren't your family
They never were
You treated us so horribly
After our only shield was gone
You came back with avengence
And one by one you destroyed us
Striking each one of us down
And stompping on us
While we were on the ground
Only if our heavenly shield was here
She would protect us bravely
Oh shield how I miss you dearly
I need you here now
More than ever
I can't break the sword
Not by my self, not alone
I would call upon my other kin
But they fallen time and time again
Nothing I say or do pleases him
It's like Im always wrong
But then again
I have fought him this long
And I must stay strong
And try to fight a little bit longer
But when I try it only makes him stronger
And I fight and i fight but to no avail
All day and all night but to no success
And I'll keep fighting to eternal rest
I want to escape
To a place he cant go
I want to go to a place you know
The place you're in now
I'll me there soon just you see
I'll meet you there
With all our family...

Alone I sat on the top of a hill
Singing my sad song
Staring on the residue
That’s been there for so long
Wondering if I did things wrong
Trying to pretend that I’m still strong
But everyone sees the strength I once had
Is fading away and its driving me mad
I try to fall onto my side
To let out my tears inside
And lay on top of that hill
Never moving invisible to the world
Never to love another girl
As I fall the side
Thinking of pains new
And pains older
My head hits not the ground
But someone’s shoulder
I thought who would save me?
I look up and its you baby
So I sit on the same hill
No longer with a heart of stone
So I sit on the same hill
No longer alone

There have been times
When I thought about
Going to church
Just to see if it
Would ease my pain
Or make me not
Hurt in vain
This heart of gold
Grows so very cold
With no one to hold
I’m so close to praying
For God to stop playing
With my heart, my mind, my soul
I fall to my knees
Put my hands together
And start to say please
A tear drips down
Hits the street
I’m feeling the pain
I’m starting to cry
No it’s starting to rain
Before I can choke out the next word
A shadow is cast on me
For a second I thought it was God
Come to rescue me
I slowly raise my head
Tears stop flowing from my eyes
To my surprise
It’s not God I see
But an angel
With beauty so heavenly
As she looks down on me
For the very first time
I don't feel cold inside
She wraps her hands around mine
Tells me all is fine
She lifts me off of my knees
And into her arms
The rain is finished
My hurting is done
As we sit in the summer warmth
Watching the rising sun
I can’t help but think
This is the one
I tell her “I love you”
She says “I love you, too”
If you haven’t guessed yet
This angel is you

Curse this heart of steel
I hate it's invincibility
Joy I can’t feel
And I accept pain so willingly
I think something’s wrong with me
I’m so comfortable with my insanity
As I sit in your room
And stare into your vanity
I catch myself thinking
What a perfect life it would be
Just you and me
Raising a family
A little you and a little me
Running around playfully
Then I fade back to reality
As you look at me innocently
Your kiss on my forehead
Reminds me of things once done
And words once said
You’re not the first
To tell me you love me
I say it back
Because I fall in love so easily
Though I know it will hurt
So painfully
When you leave me
And I’m left crippled, weak, and measly

I never asked much
Just for you to love me
I never expect much
Just for you to trust me
So that we last for years
Through blood, sweat and tears
Even apart
Our heart will guide
Our love to each other
That we hold inside
We will be forever together
And stay strong
Through all the bad weather
So that we turn out better than ever
And look back not a single time, never
So if you just trust me
And if you just love me
We will be the way we should
While I redeem my eternal bliss
And sit and reminisce
On my thoughts of this
Me standing here
With a rose and a kiss
Waiting for you
To appear in the mist

His childhood
Wasn’t like most boy’s
He was surrounded
By constant yelling
And constant noise
His mom said she hated him
His dad proved he hated him
Never kissed
And never hugged
Never missed
And never loved
Now he’s a teen
And has nightmares
Of the things he’s seen
From the lack of hugs
He resorted to drugs
Sick of his life
With its endless
Struggle and strife
No one was ever there
To squeezed him tight
Tuck him in
And say goodnight
That’s why this gun
Is on his left temple
And it’s pointing right

If the good die young
Then I’ll die old
My stress is so high strung
And my heart is so cold
The sad song I sing
Has nothing on the pain I bring
Lively on the outside
But on the inside
Its genocide
Everything is dead
Sent to permanent bed
People walking around
But they have no heads
The land is vast, empty and depleted
My heart is everything but completed
The disease I have is so rare
One hand shake
It’s all down hill from there
Your life I'll break
My sorrow is everything but fake
Everyday my broken heart is at stake
My emotions flow
Like a placid lake
With water so deep
No one understands
So to my self I keep
When I fall
No one lends helping hands
Everyone just stands
In a circle around
As I lay helpless on the ground
They don’t care
They all just stare
My heart is empty
Nothing is there
My soul matches
It too is bare
Blessed with this curse
Man life isn't fair
I’ll die first
This disease is too rare
To claim anymore lives than my own
This is all set in stone
As I sit on that hill weeping alone

All that surrounds us
Is lies and betrayal
The wounds have been dealt
And they are fatal
They hurt so badly
I think death is certain
All of this on top of
My pain within
There’s nothing I can do
To keep her out of your ear
There’s nothing I can do
To keep her out of here
She’s trying to invade this
Our special place, The Mist
To shatter our endless bliss
And split us apart
Then steal you place in my heart
I tried to tell you
But you didn’t believe me
I tried to warn you
But you didn’t heed me
Now you sitting
With you head spinning
Engulfed in confusion
And you don’t know
What to think
You don’t know who to believe
I told you this would happen
Nothing but lies come out
When her mouth starts flappin
Let her come at us
As hard has she can
She can’t faze us
As long as I stand
Right here holding your hand
If you only believe what is right
And not what she will say
And we make it through the night
There’s always a brighter day
Sun shinning as we rise from the rubble
And I look at you and say
We made it baby
Now it’s just you and me
The way it should be
Then I give you a kiss
And we disappear
Into The Mist
But who is this
It’s her standing there
Determined with clutched fists