I woke from the headlight, I reached, I confused the light.
I paid for my sins, I waited. She cried for the light.
That I could not see out of the grips of his hand, her light.
His stern hand, shook mocking me hiding the light.
I try each day to be better for her for me for the light.

All day I'm thinking about him,
Where my ******* feel like I went for a swim
I get lost in the idea of when I get home
That moment, when I sit on his lap and he throws me around
Were one of the couples who really do **** on the ground
The door slams shut behind, as he pours my glass of wine
racing to unbutton my shirt
as he pulls up my skirt
no foreplay to waste, as I feel him grow
My heart pounds weaving thru traffic
I put the key on the hook and he sees my look, too tired to ****
tomorrow, he says
and puts me to bed.

I get to interview a well known, mainstream band
I don't have anything planned
I'm kinda nervous to sit down with these guys
At least their drug years are over and everyone seems pretty sober.
What do you ask?
What would I want to know of someone that peaked eight years ago?

I keep thinking I did something wrong
But I'm trying so hard.
The internal stuggle to follow my heart keeps howling at me snapping, bitting from the inside
They keep calling, a computer- to tell me my bills are past due.
Where am I suppose to get this money? I've been applying and crying. Dipping into my savings to patch up the glue.
I'm grateful for my loans, I'm looking for work, I say.
I can't go back and wait tables my education will be thrown away, I scream but its never heard:
"Congraduations with your opportunities but you do not qualify for this or that"
An empty good luck as they turn their back.
On the brink, I'm going to sink, the flood, Im drowning...consuming this fire
That's been forcing me afloat.
I want just to let go. I want to hide when I find out He can't even stand by myside.
I'm terrified. I'm worried to the point I sob. Wiping away my tears, shaking my fears.. With no one to help.
I am alone.
I'm trying so hard, I jump up at night. I push the voices out of my head that wake me up from debts and evils unsaid.
Why did I want to grown up so fast when now in my age I'm nostalgic for my past
Oh youth and promise of tomorrow.
A brave face for a little girl looking to take on the world of  green and the red
Of past dues and credit scores, the negative sign in my bank account... The whites of my eyes just red.
All my hopes and yet, I'm so sad.
at least at the end of this poem, it's not all held in, everything that's killing me, everything I'm chain smoking away. It's out and open.
It's alive in me and in you alive enough I will push through.

When I lived in Korea there was a woman named "Joanne"
Who kinda looked like a man. Her face painted like all of the colors of the wind. Her hair always damp with gel to tame her curly locks of hell.
As my boss, she made me crazy. Calling me a lier or evil when ever she could made me hate her like I never thought I would.
I bought her a plant well, I gave  her a plant that was left with me. I'm sure she threw it away when I left the country and didn't say goodbye
But why would I to someone who made me cry
So this is an ole to stupid, **** face Joanne who looks like a man without a plan who made my life hell when I had no one tell
It's hard to fight a battle when you dont speak the lanaguge
Shes lucky I didn't or who know what would have happened to the woman who told me the Korea way, where she twisted my words and made my shoulders tence the crazy ****
Drink your tequila and have a ball
Because ill never see your ugly face again, and think about how you ****** half of my friends
I think about you often, of how you could do what you did and teach little kids
I hope I never meet someone to her caliber and if I do I'll get some dirt and put it in a pie and cross my fingers she"ll roll over  and no, not die you ****, because that would put me on her ****** up level when I'd rather take a pen and write down my inner thoughts she'll never read... She was a fake a phony she smelled like a stale Korea whale.
I don't even care if this poem isn't any good I've been holding that in for so long and it made me laugh to no end. Stupid lady named Joanne.

Children are annoying
Except when they're laughing.
Playing kick,kick amused and impressed. Kick, kick as hard as they can and the ball still goes no where.
Continuous talking just to themselves, jumping in place, watching every move.
The scream I honestly don't mind, I knew there'd be a time when I wouldn't look around for another can you believe this stare
Little kids let you get away with things you'd never be able
Capable
Without them around, you're tore between your everyday self and the lets play of yesterday's
I can never say no to great big eyes, full of everything I once was.

Children are annoying
Except when they're laughing.
Playing kick,kick amused and impressed. Kick, kick as hard as they can and the ball still goes no where.
Continuous taking just to themselves, jumping in place, watching every move.
The scream I honestly don't mind, I knew there'd be a time when I wouldn't look around for another can you believe this stare
Little kids let you get away with things you'd never be able
Capable
Without them around, you're tore between your everyday self and the lets play of yesterday's
I can never say no to great big eyes, full of everything I once was.