for the fifth final time
when i hear that clock chime
i will consider any thought of you a crime
and move
the **** on.

you only loved me
when the moon was high
         (and you were, too)
and the stars in your eyes
shone so bright
but not because of me

he is going to ask you about him.
just know that it will be the first question out of his mouth
when he sees the empty parking lot look in your eyes
when you pass certain places.
be prepared to tell him. are you afraid?
one mention of his name and your mouth burns for hours afterward.
you won’t know how to talk about him. the other one.
what are you supposed to say? be honest.
tell him how your heart was a city burning to its knees when he left,
how every object you came across looked like a weapon
because it reminded you of him
tell him about the withdrawal, how you tried erasing
the taste of his lips by getting lost in the mouths of strangers
tell him what it felt like to love him,
how it was the bravest and stupidest thing you’d ever done.
you are going to choke on your own pain.
tell him you buried him next to your innocence a long time ago.
then have another drink.
when he asks you about the one who came before him,
you aren’t going to answer. you’re going to run.
the one before him taught you how to do that well (k.w)

i am a phoenix who has spent every year of my life
burning to ashes and being painfully reborn
you knew this and threw me into the fire anyways

2. i didn’t just fall in love with you
i crashed into it
like a drunk driver who couldn’t wait for the light to turn green
and i didn’t have any insurance

3. i was always competing with
the ghost of your ex-girlfriend
and you saw her reflection in my eyes
it wasn’t a fair match from the start, was it?

4. you said i was the most lovable person you had ever met
but you couldn’t be the one to love me
i think the word you meant to use to describe me was unlovable

5. you treated my affection like ******* currency to help you sleep at night

6. i always had to butcher the truth out of your mouth

7. i wrote you my first love poem
it was called “putting you into words”
because i couldn’t ever find one word to accurately describe you
but i found it now:

…*******

8. you taught me what lonely people do
how they can’t touch anything without leaving their fingerprints behind
without painting your skin in midnight
when the sun comes up you will both be on the ground again
with stomach aches and dry mouths
this is what lonely people do
they stay the night and wake up thirsty
and their only cure is drying out your canteen heart

9. ask me how many times i’ve trusted
the men with twisted fingers and crooked smiles
how many times i’ve cut my hands on their jagged edges
sharpened like a knife by pain
ask me how many times i’ve let men say my name like they’ve created me

…i will tell you i’ve lost count

10. i am a giver
who surrenders my softness to sharp teeth and sandpaper hands
i am giver
who falls in love with far too many takers
and never learned how to be both

11. i am made of forgiveness and
you broke my bones like they were empty promises
i will always be walking on someone else’s ending
and crawling over the ruins

12. if pain makes craters then my heart is the moon

13. every poem i ever wrote for you
is now a testament of how you wasted my time

14. you were the final shipwreck
that sent me reeling out into the water with my mouth wide open
i taste like seawater because there is so much inside of me that is trying to drown

15. love is the worst illusion man ever created

16. i am 19 years old
and i am entirely too young
to believe it doesn’t exist anymore (k.w)