She undid the seams of her skirt
And I ate ever thread
And she showed me she was the universe
She unfolded her flowers
And I inhaled all the pollen
And she feed me her nectar and wine
She offered her hand and then lead the way
And guided my touch over breast and through ribs
And gave me the blood straight from her heart
Beating and pulsing over my wrist and down throat
Her salt and her red soaked into my soul
And I was covered in her colors of love
She stepped out of her flesh
Then devoured my body
Leaving us both naked before the wheels of fate
And the stars and the sand gave their lives
To become our new skin
And every kiss was a beautiful pleasure
And every pleasure filled with decadent sin
We consumed the sun and the moon
And brought down heaven and hell
Love is all that we left and all that we were
As we sewed back here skirt to remake the universe

She was there last night
the girl you write about
the one you read of
I saw her again
I heard her voice

she was on stage
pulling her ribs open
exposing her heart

it was a blazing star
full of warm soft fire
burning with passion
and vulnerability

her eyes glistening jewels
carved out of moonlight
full of both mystery and wonder

her smile...

her smile
I wish I could describe it
without sounding like a teenage boy
falling in love for the first time
because my teenage years
were a long time ago
and I was never that kind of brave...
not then...
not now either...

I don’t know if when we die
if heaven will be there
if we will meet a god or gods
but to see her smile
is to catch a  glimpse of eternity
to feel the safety
of what heaven is dreamt to be

and that is only a small piece
of her beauty
the larger part
the fullness of her beauty
isn’t all the pretty
that can be seen with our eyes

no... the fullness of her beauty

is how she crafts
the time and space of the room
how she walks through
the infinite mysteries of life
leaving questions hanging in the air
like ripe fruit ready to be harvested
to nourish the mind
encourage the spirit

the fullness of her beauty
is felt in the tremble of her voice
the quake of sound
she lets loose into the air
the rumbling war drum beat
thundering from her open chest

it is the song of her heart
reaching out to the lost
to let them know
they are not alone

it is the soft warmth
you feel when she takes the stage
it is the seed of hope
she weaves into her words
it is the fire  
that dances in her poetry

the fullness of her beauty
is the beauty
of all the things
we can only feel with our hearts
only hold in our breath
the things that can touch us
that we can not touch
back with our fingertips
it is the beauty
of all the things vulnerable

You are not what you see or feel
Demons have robbed you of your eyes
And placed a nightmarish carnival mirror before you
Monsters have stolen your heart
And buried it in mountains high and cold
Replaced it with a comfortable pain of numb
Your light shrouded by the devils clouds of doubt and misery
It is not you you see or feel
It is the lie and reflection
These scoundrels have placed in front of you
It is only a shadow and shell that these beasts have made
To trick and deceive
To torment and steal
Your heart
Your soul
Your beauty
Your truth
For I have heard your truth sing
I have been inspired by your beauty
I have danced with your soul
And I have been touched by your heart
The have thier lies screaming over your skin
To steal your confidence
They clutter your head with thoughts of failure
To bring down your self esteem
They take the color and magic from your eyes
And leave only the grey and dark ugly nighmares
You're not what they try to make you do
You're not what they try to break you to
When you think its you hating yourself
It is them and the living lie they have made from your fears
The mirror in front of you
Is full of demons smoke and beastly illusion
It does not reflct you
These monsters and devils work
For the black demon dogs of depression
They strip you of your truth
To feed them late night snacks
They drain your heart of love
To wet their burning tounges
They break your souls bones
To give them something to toy with and gnaw on
And then they leave you alive just enough to stand back up
So they can come back for more
It is a never ending cycle of lies and deceit
They hide you from yourself and only let you see
The marionette they have made to mock you with
I have seen your doubts and pains and aches
I have heard your tears sing in fear and desperation
And I have felt the nightmare blanket wrapped tightly around you...
It is not a thing many could survive
It is a place where most cannot escape
It is the pit no one dares look into
Without instantly begging for death
It is the void that devours the weak whole in but a single breath
It is a place where light dies without the trace of a shadow
Where dreamers bury their hopes and lose their will to wish...
It is here they have tried to hide your true self
It is from this pit I first saw your light streaking out from
That I first heard the call of your voice
I was helpless  to do anything but jump blindly into the pit
Into the unknown dark
And I have fallen to the end of its bottomless depths
And found you here
And here where all light dies
You still outshine the sun
Here in the cold dark
You blaze infinite warmth
You fight countless battles
Demon and black dogs
Beasts and monsters
Devils and scoundrels
Fight against you endlessly
You have your scars
You have lost your battles
And yet you stay strong
Your lungs ache to the brink of death
But you still inhale deeply
You have pushed through this war
For many a day and nights
Alone many times without aid
I have fallen here
Given myself to you completely
Dedicated my purpose and drive
To your aid
You do not belong here
Your light too beautiful for this place
Too beautful for this world
I am here now with you
You never need fight or fear alone
I will always be by your side
We will walk out together
Fly beyond this place
Reunite you to yourself
You will then see
Your heart
Your soul
Your beauty
Your truth
As I do
And then you will see
You make all things beautiful

You are eleven now
almost twelve
almost a teenager
that incredibly bewildering part
  of your life
where you’re not quite a kid anymore
yet you’re not an adult yet either

the world is going
to start asking more from you
maybe too much at times
maybe not enough at others
maybe a little too soon
maybe not soon enough

some kids your age feel like
they are dying to leave
their childhoods behind them
to cut the umbilical cord
to their adolescence

that urge to rush into the adult world
they feel restless in their youth
they feel power growing in their voice
but they feel unheard when they use it

and it seems unfair
this mixed signal
of start acting like an adult
but not being trusted
to be responsible as an adult

this time frame of
act your age
but don’t act your age anymore
be more mature
but “WOOOOO”
not too mature

and yea its not fair
not really
and that’s where life is headed now
your life is slowly treading
into the waters of unfair
you’ll be swimming
and sinking
and drowning
not being able to distinguish
between what is fair
and what isn’t fair

life will always be hitting
and crashing into you
in waves of what fells like
bad luck
day after day
while only seeming to drizzle
good luck outside
on days you are trapped inside

I hope you will learn this though
that you will see it sooner than most
that luck is just luck
good and bad are just different
perspectives to the same story

that life isn’t fair or unfair
it’s just life
it’s a journey
good things will happen
tragedies will occur

love

will be the most beautiful thing
you get to hold
and also be the most painful thing
you will have to endure

cherish the beauty
and breathe through the pain
it won’t always feel like
it’s going to be worth it

but it is

always just breathe through it

inhale

exhale

one more day

listen to your heart
hear the sound it makes
that is your music
the baseline to the soundtrack of your life
and its always playing a new song
hold onto it
never let it get old

there is no stopping time
you will become an adult
both in body and mind
as you age into it
grow into it
as you figure out whatever it is
that you will one day
define as being an adult

it’s your life
and your life alone
don’t let anyone else
give you a definition that doesn’t fit

and if you ever have trouble
finding the words
if you have days where
you cant quite remember who you are
or how to define yourself

thats ok

it happens
we get lost
we wander
its part of the journey
its part of life

just remember

inhale

exhale

and listen to your heart
listen to your song
thats you

and no matter who you become
with each new day
each new song
no matter how many changes
of costumes
of character
whatever role you end up playing

I will be watching
I will be cheering  
I will be loving you

A cardboard bonfire and a Newcastle
I spend a lot of time alone
But loneliness only creeps in
When I'm around people with
Nothing important to say
If there's one thing I miss about my youth...
Is all the dreamers...
The dancers
The poets
The painters
The sculptors
The writers
The singers
The musicians
The believers....
What happened to all my dreamers....
Or is it what happened to me?

A blood red sunset drips over
the black asphalt city skyline
somewhere in a lost part of America

where the dream has
long been dead and buried
and hate and fear rule
the rural streets that are protected
by peace keepers
that practice ******
more often than upholding the law

It has been declared open season
on any crow the color
of a starless night sky
and the dove has become
a symbol of
to protect and serve
their own kind
birds of a feather
that cover for one another

justice is blinded
by the snow covered truth
and the color of corruption
is coincidentally the same
as the color of money

the poor have little choice
but to trade their bones
and their hopes
to the corporations
of the new land
of the free
to be owned by
and controlled by
a minimum wage
that only guarantees
to keep the poor
poor enough
  to work another day
    and another day
      and another day

until there bones are
nothing but powder
and their beds
are nothing but coffins
for the barely living

and life somewhere
in a lost part of America
at the end of everyday
the sky turns red
and the color of blood
runs through the streets
as the doves go along
with their business
of the murdering of crows

I wake up everyday dreams lingering
Your vision still laying beside and underneath blanket and sheet
Your fingertips dragging along the heart of my skin
Your name still burning in the fire and flame
The faded stars still singing your name
And it feels like I had just fallen asleep a moment before
Madly and wildly you were dancing in my heart
Wildly and madly I had whispered into the dark
I Love You so completely tonight but come morning
I will love you even more
And every morning and every night it will always be true
I will love you forever and the next day a little bit more
Forever and ever where you end I will always begin

My love will always burn for you
My heart always willing to bare your suffering and ache
My soul always willing to stand near your silent cold hours... days...
My hand to always write and record of your truth and your beauty
Always burning for you freely
For nothing in return
My heart and soul yours to hold and to have
While my body and hands
Live and walk through
The flames of the sun
Consumed by the fire
And when this sun dies
I will burn here still
Long after the planets have collided  and crumbled
Alone writing of your beauty
Every word a new star
Every sound a new song
Everything truthfully
And beautiful
And glowing
From the light
And the love
Of you

His face was heavy and craked
with a lifetime of broken bedtime stories
between the painted brushstroke colors
trapped in the tears his eyes cradled
and sang to sleep everytime the moon
showed its thin silver crescent smile
she quoted Bob Ross before
she sat a barstool away from him
and a snort of a laugh escaped his mouth
and the minutes passed into hours
and the shots became doubles
and the empty barstool now swayed
and creaked under the weight of them both
and they laughed
until twelve minutes until three
when the bartender kicked them out
and they  got lost between the dim light
of a crescent moon
and a tangle of bed sheets
and soft pillows filled with flowers
that smelled like orchids dreaming
and she guided his hand between her ribs
and placed it over her heart and whisperd
its cold in here....
and he traced the outline of her pulse
with his fingertips
and left a trail of fire
beneath her bones
and he could hear voodoo beating
its drums in her blood
and he felt her smile split his ribs open
and her hands fondling his withered heart
and she spoke in foreign languages
of old tounges tied and knotted
in the arts of love
and the room grew dark
as the moon was swallowed
by clouds and witchcraft  
and his eyes bleed out their colors and tears
and he broke down sobbing
and she took him into her arms
and beneath the ocean of her eyes
where their tears swam together
with the salt of the sea
and the night was swallowed
by the sun breaking the horizon
and they both disappeared
into a song known only to mermaids

It's a cold heart that neglects what horror and darkness a person must go through to even think about suicide as an alternative to living, to a mind that has gone numb from the terror of drawing in another breath, to eyes that have gone blind to things that were once beautiful, to a person who has been gripped so tight by depression that the silence of being crushed under the weight of the earth is the last sound they want to hear.
Living can be hard, for anyone, no one is free from suffering, illness, death, we all have our battles, both private, public, family, etc... and at the end of the day in that moment between sleep and dream, all of of us are alone.  Alone with our demons and thoughts and prayers and despair, some more aware and some more blissfully not so.  The world is a scary ******* place right now, there is a **** load of bad things happening every moment of every ******* day.  It's not the devil running around **** *** naked spraying his jizzum of evil down upon our heads but it's the evil of mans own invention and indifference to each other.  We should be moving forward as a species and a community and a world... together.  And yet, somehow, with all our fancy tech and intellect and possibilities... we're not.  I'm not going to lie... daily headlines and newscast make me somewhat envious of those who found themselves able to pay the price for the luxury of suicide.  I mean, ******* come on... how can you not think every now and then... **** THIS PLACE!... it's truely a **** hole at times, people can be ******* horrible and are ******* horrible far too often.  Human misery spreads like cancer and the masses eat it up like it's a candy necklace wrapped around some ancient deities **** causing poisonous sugar to rush through their blood to fuel an ideology of hate so old no one could tell you when or how it started.  And the saddest part, sitting on the couch being ignored like a nerdy kid back in the 80's, is love...  and no one wants to sit by it and get cooties.  No, we're all to cool for that.  It's all about pretending to have good intentions and insta-gratification and self-degradation and hey hey hey look at me me me first and gimme gimme gimme...
This isn't everyone, and the world isn't absolutely beyond hope... but you would have a hard time arguing that the shadows aren't overpowering what little beauty there is left.
And that's hard knowledge to live with...
Then add on top of that, private and personal struggles no one else is aware of, or worse shrugs off or dismisses as nothing serious.  The signs aren't always easy to read... speaking from personal experience, it is far to easy to carry a lot of weight and fear and self loathing while wearing a plastic smile in public.   Some things seem too personal or embarrassing or what the **** ever to share sometimes and its just easier to say "I'm ok" than try to explain how terrible and dark and alone our hearts feel and our thoughts get.  It's real easy for the whole world to feel empty when that moment we experience between sleep and dream follows us through ever waking moment.   And it's easy to be mad and ****** and heartbroken when we read the word "suicide" in yet another headline... but what's harder is to imagine what that person must have been going through in that last moment between life and death.  It's harder to be human and feel compassion and empathy towards the departed, it's hard to walk up to the nerdy kid called love sitting on the couch and say, "****, I'm sorry I neglected you and ignored you"... but it's going to be harder and harder to read that headline over and over again.  So, for anyone, anyone at all, the couch love is sitting on is pretty ******* big and its nice and warm and cushy, so if your world feels empty, come sit down, we can talk, we can cry, we can just shut the **** up and be empty and alone together... what ever you need, I'll be here.

I know I should keep
these feeling buried
until I am in my grave
I know there are some things
I just shouldn’t say
but I can’t help but wonder
what it would be like
to hold you through out the night
until the morning bird has come out
and sung his song
after the moon has watched me
strip you one by one
of all your clothes
and dropped them
as we stumble down the hall
on the way to your bedroom door
count each step sin by sin

and I know...

and I know...

these are things I just shouldn’t say
but these are the things
burning in my blood
that are going to haunt me
long after I am in my grave
a regret of either what I did
or what  I didn’t say
it’s going to burn me either way
so what should I do here
should I not be here at all
either night or day

and i know...

and I know...

this is a thirst for what I cannot drink
a first kiss that will never be
this hunger for what you cannot give
a warm body of comfort
throughout this long cold life
that gets shorter
the longer I hold my breath
and I’m drowning in my heart
as it is turning blue

and I know...

and I know...

I am just wishing on a distant star
from another life
when I was younger
when if you had been there
it wouldn’t be impossible
for you to be
the only thing my heart
would need to breath
you could have been
all the blood in my lungs
you could have been my one
and only love
but fate wasn’t a star I could reach
and pluck from the sky
in my life from another time

and I know...

and I know...

I know I should keep
these feeling buried
until I am in my grave
I know these are things
I just shouldn’t say
I know I am going
to regret them either way
stuck in my throat
or falling from my mouth
you can’t be the only thing
my heart needs to breath
you can’t be all the blood
filling up my lungs

and I know...

and I know...

I am haunted by
all of these feelings
that will follow me to my grave
no matter what I do or say
what should I do here
should I not be here at all
either night or day
what should I do here

do you ever think that
maybe the sun gets tired
that maybe she just needs
one night to herself
just one night to sleep
one day off to let
her fiery hair down
to find an ocean
big enough to swim through
a river wide enough
to float down

do you think she minds
that we write so many
poems to the moon
that we marvel
in awe and wonder
mesmerized by the moons light
forgetting even at night
its her light
lighting our way

do you ever wonder
what it must be like
to always be rising
to always be out
to always be hanging
somewhere in the sky
to always feel the fires burning

to never know the joy
of a cool breeze
to never find shelter from the heat
in the shade of a great oak tree
to never have your hands
go numb from playing in the snow

what must it be like to be the sun
do you ever stop to think
how tired she must be
to always be burning
burning so bright
all that light
all that warmth
keeping this earth alive

do you think she minds
all the poems we write to the moon
that we stay up so late
sleep in so often
and treat doing so as a luxury
that we relish the time
she is absent from the sky
do you think she minds

Pale white skin like soft fallen snow
Entices me and I want to know
What color heart hides underneath
The hues of angels or
The shadows of beasts

How did you expect me to react
When I felt your knife plunge into my back
And if that weren't enough I turn around to
  see a smoking gun still pointed at my forehead
My brains splattered on the wall
His seeds showered on OUR sheets
How did you expect me to react
When you told me your petty lies
It wasn't your fault he talked his way
  between your thighs
Promises he never meant to keep
Lured and enticed
A bigger house and nicer things
Than you thought I could ever dream
Did you really just admit that?!?!?

Love...

if we are lucky...

is and will be
the only real reason we are here
and we will find
at the end of our lives
that it is not some judge mental deity
with a check list
of the names we prayed to
and the things we prayed for

but only love to greet us
and accept us for who we were
with all our human faults
and forgive us for
the way we ignored love
in order to allow ourselves
to be so cruel to one another

that to a miserable extent
we completely misunderstood love
what it meant
how to use love
how to share love
how to receive love

that too many of us
could not recognize
when someone loved us
or when we loved someone

that if someone
didn’t want to **** us
or we didn’t want
to **** someone
it wasn’t love that we felt
that we couldn’t
just love each other
to love each other
and nothing else

that we didn’t realize
how much easier
and beautiful life
would have been
if we had done so

that we couldn’t tell the difference
between emotional grace
and physical desires

or worse

when we knew the difference
but just didn’t care
and used love as an excuse
to get what we wanted

some of us will have been lucky
and knowing and not knowing
will have got love right
at some point
for some time in our lives

and we got to spend part of our lives
loving someone so intensely
that ******* them
was more than a physical act
that we got to breath and dance
while sleeping in someone else’s heart
and they breathed and danced
while sleeping in ours

that we knew and experienced love
for all the beauty it had to offer
in the short time we were alive
that we treated love well
and meet and lived with it
without needing to wait till our ends
to have death introduce us

so that in the end
we will just smile
as we know we are
just meeting an old friend

My heart an open book
In your hand
To do with as you please
My soul in both darkness
And light
Will follow wherever you may go
My body will make
Whatever sacrifice
To either your
Sinful lust or needed love
You live in all my dreams
And blood
Haunting every beat
Of my heart
And every step
My feet do take
And I am consumed
By both burning flames
Of love
And fires of desires
Lustful kiss
Yet no action
Of mine would be
Satisfied if at
End of day
They failed to
Bloom warmth
Within your heart
And at least
A small smile
To your lips
My only need
To tend your wounds
And praise the
Wonder and magic
Of the endless ocean blue
Always swirling
In your eyes
My love for you
Will never end
As you can read
From this book
I have placed
Within your
Hands

Was it your hair or your lips or your name or something you wrote or the yellow streak that showed you stopped by, Strangers in life never to meet always alone writing living dying typing away trying to make sense of it all or to give up the ghost that hurt us the most and why do it at all when were just shadows and doubts waiting for the candle to burn out while we sit reading pretending to care of how unknown faces fare nodding our heads in our empty rooms  as we dissect an empty heart we just witnessed pour itself out and here we are all repeating and weeping fingers tapping   a   b   c   d   e  f'ing away the night  all alone or together and tom is signing asking who let in the bad weather reminding us that no matter how hard we try someone else has already done it better

She is the soft sultry perfection of beauty
and has the charm and  seduction of poetry
from forbidden realms
and he wants to read every word waiting in the blood of her kiss
and trace every slow syllable
of lust and pleasure echoing from her throart
her heart beat is the song the gods make sacrifices too
her skin is the silk canvas of loves endless dreams
her eyes could swallow the sun
and outshine every star of the night
the curves of her hips and ******* and smile
make every moon blue and envious
she teaches fire to dance
and faries the art of mischief
she is neither here or there
and is always part
of anything that is beautiful

I wish I was anytime but here
How I miss all those yesteryears
And I'm so disappointed in what the
  worlds turned into
All we needed was a little love and imagination
But we went a different way
Took the common path
Chasing luxuries and cash
We're poisoning our mother and we are
  still killing our brothers
Watching good food wither and rot
While ignoring hunger souls
And fat mouths heavy with the stench
  of caviar and lies
Cast illusions of freedom while fitting us
   with their shackles and chains
We sit willingly in our cage so grateful for
  the pennies they give us to throw away
   into their pools
The wishing well for fools
True freedom within our reach
But how many more have to preach about
  emancipation from our mental state
How many more will we ignore as they sing
   about love and imagination
Our potential is within our grasp
But we let our moments pass
So we can chase luxury and cash

In every breath
   in every beat

       she was a poem

in every thought
   in every dream

       she was a poem

Time stood still
    and eternity held its breath

       and

         she was a poem

and there beneath her breast
      beneath her ribs

was her heart
    and in her heart
      
           she was a poem

the one poem
     the universe had
            that was
                  more beautiful than love....

She stole little pieces of his heart
or maybe he gave them to her freely

the truth is most likely hidden
in another story
another song
another poem

it was the little things
the simplest of gestures

the kindest of her smile
the soft colors reflecting in her eyes
in how she had perfected
the art of a hug
both in the duration and snugness

it was the the way she talked
how every word that left her lips
became a song bird all its own

it was in the way she listened
and the way she was quiet
when nothing else
needed to be said
in how she turned
a moment of silence
into a heart felt orchestra

and with every piece she stole
and every piece he gave
his heart grew bigger  

and so the story went
the truth hiding
in the open pages of a book
the notes of a song
waiting in a poem unwritten

where she stole
and he gave
until there was nothing left to give
and nothing left to steal
and all that was left
was love

Out on the road to nowhere
Found in the middle of love
Soul of the apple tree man
Known only to those
That recognize the magic of love
And the love in magic
He isn't known too spend time
With those who only eat
But never plant seeds
He is a little like you
And a little like me
And he only speaks to those
That understand the language
Of leaves
You will only find him by chance
By chance of falling in love
And finding those who have fallen
To find them is his fate
To share his apples
And to help them plant seeds
Seeds that will bloom
Hope and romance
And tall never ending
Trees of fruit and shade
And the secrets of love
And the language of leaves
Sticky sweet sap from his bark
And his branch
The heart of the apple tree man
Bleeds for me loving you
And you loving me
Out on the road to nowhere
In the middle of love
The soul of the apple tree man
Smiles for the magic of love
Held in our hands holding our hands
And softly the breeze
Tells of an infinite love
In the language of leafs
Sitting below the shade
Of the apple tree man
My flesh the paper
Your heart the words
Everyday a new story
A story of love
Of how love
Never ends
Never ends
As the story
Begins again
And again

He spent more than six years avoiding it flawlessly, about the same time he had given up cigarettes.  For the most part, he did it for his son.  His father had been a good influence and he was determined to be the same.  Single, happy, just father and son.  They couldn't be any closer.  The mother left, to no fault of her own, because the guy that stole her away, her words, "he was just really good at talking... like a car sells men..."... Which was bs... he know she thought he was some big time **** on his way to big time money... It didn't work out that way, they both ended up at her grans' house.  That was 8 years ago, and she's on welfare with baby number four on the way from mystery daddy number four.  She was nothing more than a manipulater, she had sunk her claws into his broken heart, played him like the devil playing a fiddle, got what she wanted and tossed him aside.  Daddy number three had mysteriously killed himself... but that's all off track of this tale.
You see, he wanted his son to grow into and be a better person than he had.  To have better and more choices as he headed out into the world on his own.  He wanted him to be smart, he had to be smart.  When it was time for this dad to pass onto the great unknown, he knew his son would have to be able to stand up on his own.  His boy was not going to be able to lean on his mom, no, more than likely he would have to help her out when he was all grown up.  So he started to read to him before he could even crawl, started teaching him to read as soon as he could talk, taught him to count and add and subtract well before he was of school age.  And once in school kept at it, teaching him the next grade and two above his school level.  Piles of workbooks from bookstores and work sheets he made up himself.  Still doing it to this day, his son learning and soaking it all in.  Always up to the challenge of something new.  The dad always trying to do his best for his boy, not ever sure he was... but always trying.  
He wanted to make his son proud, he wanted to be that fatherly symbol of strength.  He wanted to raise his son beliving in equality, compassion, kindness, empathy, and mostly love.  Always reminding and telling his son, no matter how little we have, we always have enough to share.  And that sharing your time with someone was only second to sharing your love with someone.  They didn't have a lot, just enough to squeeze past... your basic pay check to pay check family of todays modern world.  Still, enough, he wouldn't work over-time when his son was with him.  He could make more money if he needed whenever his boy was with mom.  No amount of money was enough to pass up a day with his boy, telling his son, I can always make more money but once a day is gone we can never get it back.
Yea... he wanted so badly to be a good role model.
So he avoided dating... avoided anything and anyone that might make him even think or feel like he had any risk of falling in love.  He knew he didn't handle heartache well.... and he didn't want his son to see him walk around with a broken heart.  Didn't want his son to see him walk around depressed and wallowing around in self pity.  So he avoided it... quite well, for over six years.  
Then one day... never mind the circumstances and the how... he started talking to a stranger on the other end of the world.  Just harmless little messages sent back and forth, forth and back... It never should have led him to anything beyond a few friendly words on a screen... but somehow, someway... his heart was suddenly not his own  and his reason had taken leave of his senses.  He fell so fast for her, without even knowing until it was too late to stop it from happening.  He knew it couldn't end well but he couldn't stop smiling about her, or thinking about her... every message he fell deeeper into this abyss of madness and love.  All he could do was watch it unfold and pray when it came crashing down, pray for a quick death.  And that's where he is now... praying for love and a quick death.

her soft eyes held
a quite suffering
a delicate pain
a strange beauty

I wanted to reach out  
to offer a comforting hand
a quite moment
to let her speak
to let her fall apart
to break down
to let her be alone
without being alone

but who was I
other than a shy child
trembling beneath an aged body
scared of what I admired
terrified of what I might love

so I sat motionless
hiding beneath silence
planting seeds of future regrets
that will bloom  
into the words I will
have wished I had spoken

As if falling from one dream into another
I awake to see your soft smile
and kind eyes looking down at me

the comfort of heaven fills my heart
as your grace and beauty
fill the room with warmth
and carve out a moment of eternity
in perfect crystallized form

a trinket of time that will never dull
never wither in the passing days
or months
or years

a summer sunset immortalized
to always sit and rest on the horizon
of a never ending dream
to never sink below the sea
to never sleep beneath the mountains

a simple moment perfect
in every aspect
of love and all its beauty

If I asked
Would you answer...
If I begged
Would you accept...
If I cried
Would you belive..
If I told you
Would we...
Be lovers
In the same bed
Dreamers
That share the
Same cloud
Would my heart
Be yours
Forever
And would you
Give me your heart
To hold
For all time
Or would
These words
Written
Never be spoken
Never be answered
Never belived
And your kiss
Only a dream
Only a wish
Only a lonely fist
A missed chance
Time and again
Dreamt into something
More
Your skin
To never touch
Mine
Just empty sheets
In an empty bed
As I whisper
Your name
Myself seeps out
As lust and love
Tangle
But its not
You
On top
Of me
Just a
Mist
A ghost
A hope
Could I stop
Should I try
To end
This dream
And just
Accept
It only
Works as
A fantasy
Maybe
If I just told...
Maybe
If I just said...
Maybe
If I just ask...

I am desperate for an intellectual conversation within a locked gaze where no words are spoken aloud and while staring into the void within the dark abyss I see a smile that says
“It’s ok... I have monsters too..”

What started off as poetry
Turned to shades of love
Deathly did I fall
Into woeful crimes of verse
Waking into dreams of you
So lovely that I wept

The endless ocean of your eyes
Has caught me in their storm
Wave after crashing wave
I have been tossed
In this love I am trapped to
Forever drown

The monsters beneath your bed
Have dragged me underneath
They have stripped me of my clothes and flesh
And broken every bone
But my heart still beats and sings
In this love to forever dream
Dancing down there with them now

Then the demons from your dark
Took and stabbed my soul
Both front and back
And as it died there in their arms
From its blood it scrawled
And painted images of you
The last words on its breath
In this love bury me to forever keep me here so that I have not died in vain

Then madness stole what was left of me
And jailed me in its heart and teeth
In this asylum I wander now
With the ghosts of my body, heart, and soul
Each one of us with our tales of you
Each word more beautiful than the last
Each story we all fall again
And again
Forever to walk in what started as poetry
In woeful happiness it's true
Now each and everyone of us
Fallen eternaly in love with you

As the day drags on
My heart is always flying
Beating for your love

I know it's hard to belive because I can't really belive it myself and I know I've been in love before but it's never been quite like this and it must be strange because we've never kissed but it feels as if I know the sting of your kiss and it feels like a dream that's already come true but in reality I never was brave enough to admit that I love you and I know how ridiculous and illogical that must sound but I can't deny it was at first sight and I can still see you walking past and it feels as if I turned around you would still be there and it seems cliche to say and even more foolish to belive... Love and first sight?
Love at first sight...
Love at first sight!
That's what happened to me

Yea... it hurts sometimes
Yea..  it even makes me miserable sometimes
Don't worry about that

Because thats love
Even at its best
Its always going to hurt
And make us miserable

From time to time

When we're miles apart
Or sleeping in the same bed

Love is so good sometimes
That it makes us sick
Until our chest hurts
And our souls are miserable
And thats when we know
We have love
At its very best

So when I'm hurt and miserable
From thinking
And longing
And dreaming
About you
Its only because
I have found love
*Love at its very best