i stole your story
wrote poems about your heartbreak like it was mine
but somewhere in my self-afflicted agony
i forgot to ask how you are doing now

There was a time i knew
exactly where i stood
God created life on earth
and everything was good

Just pray twice for every meal
read your bible without thinking
in case of questions: parents are right
and the church agrees with them

I want that back
i want to crawl inside my homophobic misogynistic childhood
stay there, not knowing i'll grow up to be a gay, powerful, woman
i never lost God while growing up
but i miss my faith in self righteousness

*It felt good, to know everything.

i like you for being
you
for being someone that's not me
for being somebody totally different

you say things i'd never say
you'd do things i'll never do
you'll dream things i've never dreamed of

i could never have imagined you
i could never make someone like you in my mind
your actions can surprise me
your words may intrigue me
your mind will amaze me
the totallity of you overawes me

I can never be you
unless i change the perspective
and make you look at me
i can be your you
just as much as you are mine

let's form a unity
and be you, and me
together

i tend to believe what i dream
while knowing it's irrational
when i'm awake again
i stare wide opened eyes into life
waiting for a sign that proves the stories of the night
right - or wrong
depending what i saw last night
i beg the world to make it true, or prove it all a lie

I need to know my love is real
you are not a simulation
not a frigment of imagination
you're just a boy that loves me
but i tend to not believe that

for 23 years i dreamed about you
i dreamed about a future where i would be together
with a dreamy guy that worships me
of course i don't believe this to be real

you know how many worlds my mind created while i was sleeping
there're several each night
and i am brilliant enough to make most of them wonderful
but never as wonderful as reality which you

and that's why i need you to tell me
to touch me - to kiss me
use every way possible to tell me you are real
because i know - i'm smart enough to have created you
and i don't want you to be
just another dream

who would have known
a broken heart
was this hard
to carry?

who would have known
memories
could be this
heavy

who would have known
a heart
could be
screaming

who would have known
you
would let me
go?

I was diagnosed with depression today
apperently doctors lie too
and it's not too hard to make them do that

I was diagnosed with depression today
allready i'm reshaping those words
turning them into something i will not believe, but use

I was diagnosed with depression today
So now, everything is not my fault
I hold my diagnose up like a shield
now find someone else, to blame

our time together was short
and maybe not even real
and now you're gone

But you were my best friend
those few weeks we had together
you were a shoulder i could cry on

Our time together is fading
already just a memory
but always real to me

i just have to believe what you say, stranger
because your words are all i've got

i just have to believe your name
though there were no results in facebook or google

i'm just believing that you like me
and that you really would analyse my handwriting
and that you live in the place you're living

but i will never know
if you'll come online
again