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72 · Feb 2022
Namast3
Im thinking of ending things
Everything looks apocalyptic
And when I look in the mirror all i see is an archaic building
There's no sound when i speak.
There's nothing to hear in this echo chamber and there's nothing left to talk about
And everything feels like ash
I'm the little ghost in my room
Watching somebody else lay in my bed
N4m4stE
71 · Jan 2022
Something Beautiful
My whole life I've felt disconnected from people
Sort of like I'm trying to communicate behind a panel of glass
But I never really make it
I'm just watching from the outside
While everybody else gets to live
And I don't think I ever will understand others
But I dont really mind
I'm quite content in here.
huell
huell
69 · Dec 2023
Two Stepping Backward
We are a small and lonely human race
Showing no sign of mastering the solitude we crave
And no hint of understanding the love we need
Except in delusions of grandeur and moments of egotism
I don't really understand how I feel
Is love really just aimless confusion?
Shooting in the dark until you hit your mark?
Where does it come from, where does it end?
Love is gravity, a density in the universe
Pulling everything towards it
My love is a black hole, a star gone wrong, to death and beyond
Mutated and stupid, ****** and selfish, dragging down everything in its reach
Love is probably for someone who doesn't burn so intensely and desire so stupidly
Probably for someone with feelings, who isn't an android cutout in the shape of a human
Who asks what to feel and how to feel it
Someone who can drive over that bridge where communcation dies
Instead of stepping backwards
Adrienne rich and poetry about liking my friends and being insecure and jealous again
61 · Jun 2023
Nervous Ambivalence
How little we know of what there is to know
My head is filled with the aching hollowness of wanting
I know, I’ve always known that beauty doesn’t mean anything
Unless you can share it
Lying in your lap, like a thread in the golden light
The future is yours, and the present is mine,
And the present
Well, it's not all that it might be
The afternoon sun sets feebly, casting a nebulous glow
We bathe in ghostly shadows
And when the sun sinks, we open all the windows
Nothing on the hillside but a shiny bed of lights
Our hands touching, as we listen to music together
The fuzzy voices rattling the dust on the linoleum
We might just be okay together
Whispering I love you in nervous ambivalence
And telling each other about our *** dreams.
54 · Dec 2023
Untitled
Today I barely used my phone and just had time to sit and daydream and reminisice and it was nice
I've been afraid that daydreaming is a terrible, escapist sin wherein I romanticise and hence dehumanise people
but today daydreaming just felt nice
Leah told me to publish this so I did! Checkmate writers block!
49 · Feb 2022
Wiedersehen
somewhere between always and never
in an abstract space like a dark tunnel
a mosquito buzzes low
you're leaned back on your pillow
blanket outstretched on the pale green
looking up at a sky with no stars
country music plays softly from your radio
but there's nothing to hear
you reach into your back pocket
and pull out a portrait of mona lisa
with gum catering to her face
and sticking to your painted fingernails
smoke drifts softly off the orchards and ambient conversations  
there's empty tension as you hear the clink
of the wine glasses being passed around
silvery flowers are shivering in the empty moonlight
you're having a daydream while someone's talking
i think you're dreaming about a crow
its tracing your movements while you're walking
stomping across wet plants and muddy grass
and puddles in the road in yellow raincoats and dyed hair
holding mushrooms and butterflies
these soft discussions that go nowhere
are a backdrop for black and white images that mean nothing
you could catch a handful of rain as it trickles down
like a drop sliding down the side of a cup
you could empty that handful of rainwater
spread it out on the grass like
coins and diamonds layered on a glass table
you could be intertwined with your lover on the blanket
letting your whispers tickle each others ears
while the music from the radio plays skeleton keys
and dead notes
soon, your arm resting across a lover's chest
will taste the stinging warmth of the sun
as it breaks the morning sky into a million parts
and then you'll have to deal with the lazy poetic
imagery of the new day
bees will hum against the dew coloured flowers
hazy orange heat melting into mirages
will reflect off car windows
and burn your feet on the inky black tar
and you'll have to stare at the hearts etched into legs
so to all the ceiling fans that stopped spinning a long time ago
your friends raise a glass and say
"hello never
how may i be of assistance
it seems to me you've lost something
i would like to help you find it"
the skies are darker than usual and the clouds are greyer
the sunlight is warmer and friendlier
the green is wet
words and dialogues are more abstract than ever.
plants are playing in the suburban boredom
the pool is sunburned

there's a ladybug on your leg.
say goodnight to it while you still have the chance.
these visions of Johana are all that remain
37 · Aug 2023
A love poem
Dishes on your counter
***** clothes in your room
Lock the door laughing
Thinking about mushrooms

Cameras and vinyl records
Screens glow in the dark
Walks together til sunset
Mirages in the park

Laying on your floor
Light passing through
We could shut the curtains
Watch cartoons til 2

Sipping hot chocolate
Car wash café blues
Ladder to infinity
Voice says, "Hand me screws"

Evening shadow ambiance
Voices talk in chorus
Birthday candle fellowships
Time won't wait for us

Born back unceasing
Waves crashing on sand
Who cares that love fleeting
Let me take you all by the hand
for a lot of different people
Sometimes I worry I'm too quiet or too nervous
But I don't know any other way to be
I'm tired and worried I'm doing the wrong thing
Living the wrong way
Going to art galleries alone
Sitting by myself watching the grass
Waiting for someone to tell me what to do
Does this sinking doubt ever go away
Do I want it to go away
The campus seems surreal
All the staircases go nowhere
And all the people walk in pairs
I think about dilapidated buildings and upside down trains
Every structure falls eventually
Everything ends and no one will be left to make it sense of it all
So why do I spend my time worrying about what it means
There's an empire beneath New York
Descending stairways and half completed water tunnels
A tower to Babylon for sandhogs and subterraneans
The city will fall eventually, tunnels burst
Dams dry up, buildings collapse
And all we'll have left are surreal photos and strange memories
Mistaken recollections of ancient Johannesburg
Of what it feels like to ride a taxi when you're tired
Or what it's like to have everything falling down on you
Of hospital hallways at night and being too nervous to approach new people in the day
A dusty scrapbook, half remembered feelings
And empty poems for no one to read.
i hope u kno ur brain's not bulletproof
back on the island, water tunnel 3

— The End —