wrote about a feeling i used to know,
became i a very special piece of dust
upon the windowsill
until
was i introduced
to a gust of wind from outer space,
and we courted each other for time eternal.

and in the next life was i hiking in the rain,
from a good vantage felt i thunder roll up and through my belly
Appalachian thunder
drip drop beads of water, flowing through my brows and lips

don't know what i used to know,
but there you are, your blood is in everything
i only dive into your body over and over

and you're like a page that got stuck
as the winds ravaged a book of symbols and pictures.
sweet subjective antecedent,
tell me what the world means, means.

please leave me Angel
unfold your sun
deconstruct my body
in a world that's never done

knives do caress me
and they shine brightly, Love
always does its best to see
the seed through the blood

we reverberate insanity,
simplify this
once united with black
i am pregnant with this

so we're more than a man
but i heard you're enraged
well he's all we can be
and the ending is strange.

please leave me Angel
my desire is pain
and the Life that's inside me
is heavy again

(solipsist,
recurring
but i lost my receipt
so they say we're psychotic.
wow, that's pretty neat!)

the glow of an eye
is proportional to how strongly
she distracts you from life's *******

i've two seared in my mind...
but **** all the (evolutionary) scientists
they pile on fodder for an empty feeling i have.

A problem
Is just as funny
As a joke.

Your fingerprints and footsteps make music in the disparate caverns,
Spaces where you have grown and continue to feed and prosper.

The rich can afford to play themselves little symphonies,
Describing to themselves something singular and secret,
Divining a way through the sacred vows that root them nowhere here now.

Full consequence envelopes you
Yes, sometimes with convenient skins of black,
Manufacturer plastic covers clean what keeps coming back
Black velvet gloves that feel so nice
Behind a lover's back.

Shovel dirt onto that grave and settle down with what you are,
Be a snake or an orphan--
Take care and be well.

the garden stares at me with grey-brown eyes,
deprived,
weakly it envies the neighbor's yards,
unwatered,
thirsty,
looking for love.

a hot vent of rage shoots up in my mind
i pour acid on the garden,
choking out its chance to grow.

there, i said smiling an evil smile
i killed some time

and i turned my back on the day
which had a dagger in its back

delicately, folds of skin
holding two cracked orbs of glass
write a poem about something else
don't just write
about yourself

Lips
Just parted
Hips
Just started
Nervous minglings
and chemical interactions
are making music in the boy's spine

He stirs a cocktail
Meanders back to the hotel room
With a **** little prize

These jazzy adults with twinkling eyes
Unbuckle and unslide, stroking each other
With soft word music, but just intent
Angled for the bed.

Lips just parted
Hips just started
He lunges into her
And just for a moment the days come rolling back
With his eyes, hid by eyelids
Like two awns made of skin

Suspended in the marble of his mind,
She is fifteen
He thinks about her from time to time

He is conditioned never to say a word,
But she started his life.

And even if everything fell,
It was the most graceful fall there ever was
Eyes were woven from nothing
And teeth ripped open flesh
It lay bleeding in streets
Hollowed out in seconds' time
Though what is not already hollow I'll never know.

But if the heart of my heart is a void I felt the caress of everything,
And life and language fell between my arms
And clarity never eluded me once
And not a piece of everything, but the whole thing came to me
Once exactly,
And its curvature and shapes will be lost forever, but not right now

Because I am here, exercising this pen
Beware Satan of my great ictus, for I am 24 and virile
I am not low but I am an obscure celebrity
And so are you

I am angry, frustrated with the legal system.
You uphold negative laws
You let people's lives become dilapidated out of ignorance and poor governance,
You hurt my outlook on the world but I am a lucky one
I am lucky to possess the traits I do
I rebel against the depression you have perhaps ignorantly set on my back

And my anger does not disqualify me from being reasonable, there are good reasons I am upset with them.

But it was the most graceful fall, even if I became derailed
Eyes were woven from nothing
I was born in a place called America
It was confusing and loud
It all exploded before I was born
It grabbed me by the ankle
It put handcuffs on me
It threw me in a jail cell and said **** it up kid
It said maybe that's why you changed,
It lauded itself on its court program perched atop a broken system
It labeled me a criminal and poisoned my future.
But it was the most graceful fall,
There were good people and hospitality
Doctors and good cops, good moments
There was an Earth with humans and they breathed and felt the world with human detail inside their impossible minds
There were corrections made, hard to take but right for everyone in the end

I didn't try to be an *******,
It just happened,
But I fixed it,
And now I want my money
And a big bag of ****.

When you're not making sense,
You're just making faded shapes.

When reality feels dim,
When you waste away.

But I bare solid truths
On the day-to-day

And I summon your life
And it tastes great.

But if Sisyphus drew
An orthogonal tube,

Then he would be free
Of his terrible doom.

And that is what
I intend to do,

Alive in my youth
Could I be your muse?

But

Maybe I'll age
And I'll be too old

And they won't pay attention
And I'll have to fold

But other arts sing
Just as true, with less face

And I'll wield art again
And forge a new grace.

I am clearing a space in the middle of nowhere
To do nothing
While no one sings of my great success
You didn't warn me in time for the grave address

You didn't have me
She said
You just thought you did

You couldn't tell me a thing
In any context

You were always struggling
You just didn't always see it

You couldn't define victory
In time to be it.

I am a tiny brown mushroom
No,
I am an angel of death

I am a blade of grass
I am a glass of gin

He said,
Don't try and distract me
Waving his hand

I will never misgive,
For I can only disband.

There's an old lady in your neighborhood who sits.
She knits and knits and knits.
And knits herself into existence,
She knits her aching wrists.

Her circumstance of birth
Is not like yours and mine
And the alarm of this discrepancy
Is sealed in strands of time.

It's odd, she never had
A mother, or a dad
But she knits them as she knits herself
And knits her seven kids.

Oh, ain't it strange?
Oh ain't life absurd?
It all checks out and comes around
But we only shared a word.

There's a man in Andromeda's sea
He's not like you or me
Because being that far changes you
Into something you can't be

But our thoughts could make him dance
On a giant knot of chance
And maybe all that space is full
Of books and beams of trance.

A tangent needs a touch,
And what could matter more?
Some dreams fall to obscurity
Cause no one's keeping score.

Oh, ain't it so weird?
Oh, but normalized!
Abstraction crumbled instantly
When it was realized.

You should have been
A champion
And folded finely all that flesh
But now your skin has come undone
All loose and splayed
A lazy mess

Your origin begs something more
And shame hangs on your pretty form
So much that now, you start to wilt
You make me sad,
You wasted time.

Centerlessness is everywhere,
But the world has only one heart and it's mine.
I've read that a circle's divine
But as I'm walking this path
I'm drawing a line.

I have not become dizzy lately, and I do not flounder about on the floor
That is just wind shaking loose my dead skin cells

I am just flirting with the concept of incompetence
And waltzing with sweet omission,
I will return to tell.

Just as I'm able to try, I am able to die
I let myself go 'cause I can
But the positivity of my existence cannot be helped
Don't you worry about me, I
Will be fine

I
Am myself.

Simply because it was you,
My hairs raised
A clenched jaw and tightened fist against you

Simply because it was you,
I slung words.
Our spirits, opposite sides of a battlefield.

Simply because it was you,
I drove the dagger in.
You ruined the world
Poisoned the air in my lungs
And froze the blood in my veins
...But my hand still works.

I have been processed enough times to test my patience;
Now I know Patience
Is not the Answer

I have died for you again and again.
I never sate that greedy maw!

But you should learn to fear me,
Because I
Gave you all.

And I never saw this coming.

Are you sure you love me,
Or are we just playing pretend?
I've got this feeling it's just a spectrum,
This part and that part.

A series of orientations
I can't comprehend.

With no reason it should be any specific way,
There are only reasons it has to be that specific way.

But something constantly escapes us
Self-defeating self-driven
But these words are too direct
I must find meaning in the abstract
And start another one

I can't believe my life is like this...
I look at the other examples around me
Such better poetry
But the one experiencing it
For some reason is this...?

How strange.

If you want to see your reflection,
then stay at home and look in the mirror.

If you want to be wrong,
go out into the world.

Do you remember why
You. come. here?

Of course you don't,
and that is the reason why!

The silver moon,
the broken lining
the glint in a vagabond's eye

what did that mean who was he?

you'll never know just let it be.

i start to think the space between
some distant observer
shakes my shadow with laughter
but i left my house, i am not staring in the mirror
and the universe is not a human

the Christians say it's still a person
Science says it's working
And me, I'm just crazy, I can't consider it all true.

The cumulative experience wells up in the eye
Somehow the embrace of a mother,
The strain of your labors,
The leaving of a lover,
The connection of a song,
All become saltwater.

i took your advice
and submitted to page & spine

i took your vice
and i made it mine

oh, what a beautiful darkness
to shine

oh, what a wonderful drug you are.
i think i'll do
another line

Imagine talking to (or interacting with)

How The Squirrel In Your Backyard Could Have One Eye and a Genetic Mutation Which Makes It Striped

Or

A Frog Which Could Have Been Born But Never Was

Or

The Version of Your Dog Which Developed a Mental Problem and Consigns Itself To Chasing Its Tail All Day Long.

"That is how I see you right now"

...well, then how did you get there?

And what are you to *me

I was a great poet,
But everyone just scoffed at me
Only a few respected how hard i tried
To fix my life.

The law cut me down,
Did not care that i was trying hard
Brought such pain and misery to my life

But it was also great to see that people genuinely do care
And the world is trying to change for the better

Keep working on it,
Keep trying to perfect government
Don't be too lenient or too harsh
Work with societal and individual affect in mind

Be decisive and aware
Lay your ego to the side when necessary
Be realistic, stay educated...

And don't avoid doing things you'd like to do
Like i have been doing...

Foster something worth fostering
With the fullness of your heart and mind
Hold your tongue
And be kind
Yes
At all times.

To tell a terminal lamb
About the appeal of a trial.

To speak to the host and holy ghost
of rapacious parasitism
about faith in a God symbiotic.

The elusive cavity of your heart!

These worlds I trespass on, I feel
as though I should be there

Know that

But empathy is the harbinger of heaven and hell!
Some to whom we bear hard-shelled witness
Some seem to light a fire in our blood.

All in transient form.

It's all worth a Try, if you're into that sort of thing.

A gnawing insanity
Arises from the grating dissonance
My mind makes
With my potential

With an aging body...
Growing less relevant...

Each moment begs a usurper's answer
I want to be a great man
But I think
Something is wrong
With me.

It doesn't shine for me.
This is not a sun-shrine.
My billowing head, gorged with blood
Is all too real.
What should I be?
Shimmering like iridescent flowers in the springtime
Bees swarm and sew their honey

When it's warm, you spend your money.

I need not thank the sun,
But gratefully accept its line with my own
And taste the knowledge of solar cell bones.

And there you are,
Draped like a silken grace
Gossamer and green
Pining for an answer
And promising me truth.

And here I am,
Illustrating a delusion
Painting hurt into your retinas
Singing about the rain
When it's sunny.

When it's warm,
You spend your money.

It doesn't shine for me.
This is not a sun-shrine.
My billowing head, gorged with blood
Is all too real.
What should I be?
Shimmering like iridescent flowers in the springtime
Bees swarm and sew their honey

When it's warm, you spend your money.

I need not thank the sun,
But gratefully accept its line with my own
And taste the stardust in my bones.

And there you are,
Draped like a silken grace
Gossamer and green
Pining for an answer
And promising me truth.

And here I am,
Illustrating a delusion
Painting hurt into your retinas
Singing about the rain
When it's sunny.

When it's warm,
You spend your money.

Shuffles awkwardly, buffeted by headlights
The highway won't slow down
It's break time and he is getting coffee
The leather jacket tucks in his body heat from the cold
The stony pit of his stomach wrapped in doubled skin

She is an unknown
Professes her love to him
And he is just uneasy
He wears it in his eyes
The mind running through scenes and places it shouldn't
He is like a ***** cell unsure of *******
Shaking too much for love's vacation

Instead it makes him tremble,

Maybe I'm better off alone.

Who gave you all that power,
Where'd you get your guns?

I guess we'd want to stay humble
If I'm the only one.

Your teeth are razor sharp,
You've got armies,
You've got everything but hope.

I am somewhere inside
Until I look like you,
The noose at the end of my rope.

We all slip in and out of consciousness
In our own private modes
We are houses for music
And sometimes she's home

But to let alone time
In any given moment, she's
Taken the car and left you noteless
She's crashed out on your red futon bed
In a college town
She's out at the bar, and soon she'll be home
She's amplifying the sunshine of your childhood memories
Making funny remarks, making dinner in the kitchen
Cute as hell, wearing those yoga pants.

In chaos for there to be order,
Rivulets stream to and from your mind.

Concretely, you inhale air, food, and water
And exhale carbon dioxide, **** and ****.

But really, it's all the same business.

There would be no bow of colors if the light never crashed,
Emptying contents and putting a gruesome picture on the highway's sad shoulder.
It's a whole eternity.
I don't like your attitude on life. I like mine
I think it's 'broken' and I know
It's divine.

I stew in a warm bath of rotten tomatoes
Misappropriated funds, lounging around
This heartbeat is loud, thumping at the door of my mind
Beating at the walls of my skull
Angry at the blasé waste of grace

The air outside swirls and blows around leaves and does what it wants,
The people chase around desire with a magnetic drive
And you met my sad girlfriend today
She is a little morose because I told her I miss being sexually free.

I stayed in today,
the sun shone its brazen yellow light on the world
things glistened, birds flew
but I let the prison companies keep me inside

I let them swallow me in a flat and stagnant dream
Like a gray mucus that surrounds my usually lively spirit
This is about more that them,
I stayed in today

September dances lightly outside
But my parent's house is a coffin, with a bay window
And I died with riches of mind and spirit
And all the people around went on living,
Not knowing how great I was
Thinking I was the desperate wreck I'd become
That I forced into their vision, waving angrily
Because people are stupid, and they would miss something
Right before their eyes

They value the wrong things, and are sensationalist fools

But I love them so much, all their different stories and colors

Anyway I wish I could get a job
And I wish I knew when my 45 days of house arrest would start
For this DUI I got 2 years ago
I wish I hadn't spent most of the past year in jail
I wish I was able to access the mental health services I needed
I wish I didn't do 6 weeks for smoking ****
I wish my grandfather hadn't died while I was in jail
I wish my probation officer would just get back to me
And tell me if I can work
But I did this to myself
It's my fault
I stayed in today

Please keep me as your pet,
I am an artifact
I am collectible.

You are a starving artist,
We could be cute.

I can't afford rent
And neither can you.

Grudge or fetish,
Garbage or a body,
Talkative or silent,
I want all of us.

I reject nothing.

Reflection and laceration
Contrivance and reality
Harmful and even worse,

I actually want that.

I won't try to be wise
I'll take things as they come
And I'll be good I promise

And thank you,
For keeping me as your pet!!

You have a way with words
They flash and they burn
Like little fireworks
But are they true to your flesh
Do they follow each turn,
Every beat of your heart
From the meat of your life?

You can ripple the air
From your lips to my ears,
With a dazzling flair
And your syllables dear
But the strategy's stale
I have tasted it often
I prefer we
Simplified.

Promises may show a glowing intent
Apologies-- promises late on their rent.
But
I want to know what it is that you meant
So I say: away with words

.

there is music being traded between cells
under the canopy,
reposed in the sound

there are dance steps in directions
giving us everything
under the canopy,
reposed in the sound

who said it was nothing
whispered the trees
stood the ground.

how it was anything
wondered a man
rememb'ring a girl
dreamed a world.

Rings around, rings around
and yet here i sit and wait
for my life to begin
how strange.
how up and down
how beautiful
from the top and from the bottom,

*strange.

it's a sick sick joke you play
on yourself
against hope and reason
will you dwell
and in every region of this hell
you'll declare a cease-fire.

and it's a hap happy day in your life
but it's the day that another soul will die
i'm just jealous,
it's not finished
it's what happens when you end with a diminished.

steady, you'll be the hope and reason ******.
steady, you'll be the hope and reason ******.
steady, you'll be the hope and reason game.

(dominant: winner)

i'm just as amazed
watching pieces of me fall in place
as i am watching them fall away.

"come let's
watch
the
rain
as
it's
falling
down..."

Well, my worries just dissolved for a moment,
Because you find so much happiness in the grass
And we chased each other around
With pieces of plants

We're wild fairies buzzing through the garden

It's hard to manage two rivers at once
So we just make a big splash in the bath

Up, out, and over the mountains we'll go
Away from the city and into a strange world
Where the wild tangles shift and turn
And we bow to them and walk through like two kittens

But break all the sticks and play in the mud
Because I believe you're a steward, if there ever was one
Oh, I could lick your teeth a thousand times in an hour

If only I fell in your eyes when you smiled

Baby, be honest
You live for the living
You're not so empty
But you're always in trouble

Baby, my heart
Is a blossom of meaning
I just wanna love you
Like I want to feel loved.

her slurred speech is just elision
her blurred vision is ... risky business
she walks around her friend's house
nobody home ... but a gaggle of crazy teenagers
she walks around (laughing) oh god
like a baby horse.

im tired already
i cant initiate things well
i shat all over myself
i feel
it's time
to go back to bed

The initial thought was,
"Raphael looks lost without me"

But I am starting to realize,
You angels have made your own space,
And you don't need me.

In fact,
What a lamentable thing,
To serve a man who is masquerading as a black hole.

he's a
bad surgeon

tying off healthy veins and vessels,
maybe the case in his holy head--
giving the madness to his eyes
giving the blindness to his mind

he says he's wrong and right
but it's all off,
he's a bad person.

and an even worse surgeon.

but the blood on his hands makes him feel professional
he is an accomplished doctor
he has studied this
for many years

but the organs he touches falter and fail
the irony being
he birthed Dr. Semmelweis

What do you think she'd do?

Just cry. Just cry and cry and cry.

And does that bother you?

...yes. Yes, it does

But why did you hesitate when you answered?

Because people feel pain and they cry. It's what happens when they feel they've lost something terrible. But I guess I've just come to question the importance of anything at all over the course of my life. I mean, why does any of this matter? Why do tears matter? Each one of us is just a node of selfish energy. We don't do anything! We just live and die, live and die.

.

Who are you impressing?
It makes sense that you should be average
If your theories really hold up.

Self-defeating...
We have to work backwards
But where does it get us?
We just embarass ourselves

And how did you manage to be embarrassed all by yourself?

Then I hobble to the placid lake of my soul
And cast forth prodding eyes

Are you really silent and void of judgment?

Are these murmurings really just illness?

When we come forth from nothing, illusion is no comfort in the face of howling demons

No solace as we're torn from our bodies and any sense of sanctuary

I want myself to know I'm not wrong,
That it comes on automatic,
That we can't escape the fire but are not a mistake
Just because there's no option but suffering and death.

I want myself to know and forget
Be proud and be humbled
When security fails
I won't be alright but I'll be... I'll be...

The world is whooshing and sort of sludging by
And people are the streets of consciousness
And I am just an eye in a city, spying on itself

And there is this little box that changes colors,
And I chase that box around
Pull it up, put it down.

It is a new part of my old body,
An expression of the species I am.

Classical objects exist, quantized in suspension
All seems apart from what it once was
The blood has spilled over yet another tier into a stranger world,
And I am made to love it

I have forgotten who i am,
And in the midst of my anxious preoccupation my worst fears have been elected leader
With real hope sitting in my treasured gut like a stone
In a world apart from my solemnly knowing mind

Her skeleton was never a birdcage,
But between her legs there is a flower
For all the hummingbirds
Or just one
However she prefers things.

Stop banging on the walls, there are none;
Don't walk off the edge of the world-- I love you.

Hacking apart,
Beating to a ****** pulp,
Leave that part intact,
Not sure what I'm saying,
Hack it apart,
Beat it to mush,
That makes no sense
I only know where I'm from
I don't know what to say,
I cringe at the person I am

Before all I can do is watch you,
Let your love stream over my hands
Let me believe that I am doing the work
No, let me do it.

Before I slip into dissociation--
Before I lose this to gross depersonalization,
Let our child romp in the pastures we'll call Yesterday

And when all I can do is watch you...
When I realize that not even that will do a thing for us,
Let me go!

I won't pose and say I'm returning
Or pretend to be the last drop of water in a plastic bottle--

Just like I've always been.

Dawn is yawning,
Its yellow is mellow
You're the chartered martyr.

Whatever.

Time's plot is plodding,
Your heart is nodding
Off into a wakeful slumber.

Whatever.

Then,
Out of the blue
The vein you're in dilates
Your Icarus skyscrapes
The chemicals swim
And the ocean
Is awash
With color.

Whatever, whatever.

Whatever. Whatever.

Whatever, whatever
Whatever whatever.

little red rocks from the garden
stick to his feet

not much of a poet
when he's drunk
get this feeling out of my head
when he's drunk

he just wants to be
a piece of the atmosphere