4 A.M last night I long for you to be in my arms,
2 P.M last week on Wednesday I wanted your lips against mine,
It's always the same strain of thought going throughout my mind,
No matter what day or time,
You have a tendency to invade every corner in my mind.

She told him not to kiss her goodbye,
Because kissing goodbye means leaving,
Though now he glances at the photo frame,
And remembers how he never got a goodbye kiss..
He snatches the frame off the desk and looks down.
It holds a picture of her and him,
A picture with a fond stranger.

He longs to play guitar until his fingertips bleed,
he thinks that will get rid of the feelings,
and that's what he needs.
Though from it his feelings engulf him,
The feelings cut into him like a knife.
Everything around him is grim.
and that's all they have been.
For the previous months, not only the few this year.
He has felt this way for while.
Though no one could tell.
Just like no one notices he is a shell of a man of what he once was.

What if I would have disappeared before I even ****** us up..
You would be happ834
But I didnt..
And I'm sorry.
I'm a burden

People use definitions to define others, along with themselves.
such as I?
Well, I am worthless.

The images of you two, you and him, they're ******* vivid,
And I sit in my room livid.
All I want is your love,
but I guess that will be left for me to only dream of.

I went through the entire day,
I was fine, until I saw the date.
The 28th...
*******, why did you walk away?

"I don't know if I loved you"

Those words echo throughout my heart, crushing it.

Why couldn't you...?

The memories could've been amazing,
But you're just ******* coward.

Today I am but a shadow of the man I used to be,
the man I was before your fingers grazed my cheek.
Though I'm moving forward,
and my shadow is behind me.
I can say that I'm happy.

This world's crazy,
And my thoughts are growing hazy,
Of how your lips felt against mine,
And how our bodies would intertwine.

Our hands touched and I was breathless.
I thought my feelings could be suppressed.
Though, I thought wrong I glanced into your eyes.
And then again I am paralyzed.
You lean into give me a kiss.
This shouldn't happen, it won't happen, something's amiss.
Then my alarm began to sound.
Then the kiss amiss, the problem, I  found.

Good morning my dear, I'll see you tonight in my dreams.

You tell me to chase my dreams. Though you're in them.
You say Don't allow anyone to alter my  dreams.
You don't want me.
You've made up my mind for me.

Everyone has different defitions for each word.
And for mine...
It's you

I remember when my dreams were still like fairy tales,
Id see you, holding my hand,
Black dress, white pearls, red lipstick
But lately you haven't been in my dreams,
And the colors are something different,
The black, the darkness surrounds,
The white, the crooked smile of the abuser,
The red, the blood spilt on the bed.
My hand, covering the **** in my head.
Let us not forget,
Nightmares are dreams too.

You told me once that you shouldn't have fallen in love with me, now that you see who I am...
I wonder if thats that's how you really feel

Your mind intrigues me.  
Every little thought,
No matter if they're silly or petty.
I could listen to them for hours.
Thinfs you discovered about yourself,
What your dreams are,
What happened during your childhood,
Why a color is your favorite,
Or what made you get into this hobby.
I want to know you, like An actor knows the lines from their favorite play.

My love for you was Russian Roulette,
The choice of gun was a Revolver.
Each chamber was to a month,
with a bullet set in the sixth.
I gripped the handle,
and aimed toward my leg,
though instead of nervous during the journey,
I grew comfortable...
Yet When our sixth month came.
You took the gun from my hands and aimed it at my heart.
You didn't take any hesitate to pull the trigger,
then you disappeared as I bleed on the ground.
It's been ages.
Though i'm still left in shreds,
now it's 5:46 in the morning and i'm still grieving,
even though it's been ages since our game.
I guess i'm a sore loser.
My heart is gone and it's an empty hollow,
My choice of a filler is ***** and cigarettes,
Mother wasn't lying when she said first loves tear you apart.

People often describe memories that are haunting, and I have plenty of those.
Though the haunting doesn't bother me as far as ghosts.
The feeling of being haunted comes in waves,
though the ghost follows you around.
My past love is a ghost,
fueled by an ever so familiar beating heart.
So familiar for it is myocardium.
When you left, you still had my heart.
These days I run on alcohol, cigarettes, and compliments from lasses I could never love.
Never love until I **** the ghost of my past love.
Though you can't **** a creature spawned from the undead.

As I get home I find myself excited to talk to you,
as we talk I find myself laughing at your ****** puns.
I ponder as to why I'm laughing.
I don't laugh at anyone else's horrid punchlines.
I don't see why I would.
and then it hits,
like a freight train slammed into my chest,
I'm left breathless and frazzled.
I'm falling to my knees in shock,
and falling in love again...
and I tell myself to stop.
But you see,
that's the thing..
I can't stop the feelings,
Just as  I cannot conjure or force them.
That's the thing with our emotions,
we don't invoke them.
They invoke themselves

She kisses my cheek,
And I realized we never had our last kiss,
And I never wanted it to end up like this,
The waters are getting rough,
And I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
I'll stop trying so hard, I don't have the energy,
Maybe I will next week.

"Isn't hiding your relationship a huge *** burden?"
No, it's not the best circumstance.. But it's worth it.
"How?"
When I can say something sweet, and see that smile.
Hear a sweet name,
Or go hold her,
Or see her for a few minutes after a long time,
Or hear her voice...
It's all worth it

Put me on display,
Like I'm a work of Art in a museum.
I want criticism,
I want to know what to be,
so I can be good enough.

I love who I am, I swear I do,
But on nights like these,
it's hard to believe
That anyone else could love me too.

Lightening in my veins.
And thunder in my heart,
This internal storm will surely rip me apart.

I understand that I'm not the lad of your dreams,
The lad you want in a relationship with you,
Or the lad you'll dance with.
And that I'm too hopeful for these things.

But, what I do hope comes true.
That one day, when you're painting. You use a certain hue of blue.
That reminds you of my eyes.
And then you realize.
That I would have traveled the world for you.
And that I loved you, more than anything.

My grandmother always told me to protect love, to chase it.

My grandfather told me to stay away from love, that it never ends well.

As I lay up at 4:44 a.m I don't know who was right.
I cherish the past.
But the present stings.

Today you told me
"Go home"
I told you I was...
You said to me,
"No you're on the street"
You didn't realize my home isn't the house I live in.
Home is with you.

One of the most heart wrenching things..
Is how immensly I love(d) you,
But how unsure you were if you loved me..
And how now, we are light years away,
As if we are strangers,
Strangers with the most heartfelt memories and secrets.

I haven't broken in months,
and the only thing I want worse than shattered knuckles and a ****** fist,
Is your lips against mine,
Though,
I'll act as if everything is swell,
I'll say everything is fine.
But I know that we can't, that we won't be.
and I know the fact but I can't not dwell.

I remember hearing the sound of heels,
clicking behind me,
I recall how it made me feel,
I thought when I turned around Id see the most gorgeous lass,
And I was right,
I saw you.

I remember when Id kiss you suddenly and you'd inhale air,
I remember holding you some nights you'd fight to stay away but lull asleep in my arms,
I remember our first kiss and the spark ignited with it,
I remember every song you've sung to me, and your lovely voice.
I remember you holding me after a seizure,
I remember everything..
And lately you're in every corner of my mind

Oh, I crave to be loved by you.
I crave to be in your head,
And I wouldn't mind if you didn't even think about kissing me often.
Just once in awhile.

I crave to look into your eyes,
To see a flame,
For you to realize,
How much I truly care..

I crave to hold you close,
Not even intimately of you don't wish,
Just close,
I want you in my arms.

I want you, I really do, baby.

"I won't break up with him, if we're were i break up, it would because he broke up with me"
Every since that was said... I've had a lump in my throat... Because you said such a similar thing to me...

I promised my grandmother, Id never be in a jail.
Along with another promise, that I would I always be true to myself.
But today I broke her promise.
I stood under the light, trying to gasp for air,
A jail is so uncomfortable, so unfair.
Sitting there, having society make you "correct",
Having society reform you to be who you "should" be,
Telling you how you "should" do.
I sat in misery,
In agony.
I wasn't true to myself tonight,
I'm sorry Mimi
Though I hadnt choice,
I had no voice.
I stood there holding back tears,
Holding back the person I had worked to be all the years
Standing, engulfed by the walls of my cell,
But, the cell was not a room,
I was not enclosed by brick walls,
Or metal bars.
Yet, black fabric, and careful stitches which made up the dress.

He's a ghost and she looks right through him,
Somedays he wonders if she sees him at all.

He is the sun, and she is the moon.
Somedays he ponders if she ever wishes to meet up with him too.

though is it said,
A human and ghost cannot be together
Nor can the sun and moon meet.

Change me,
Change me, to be a lad worth wanting,
Change me so I can be good enough,
I just want to be worthy.
Use me,
Use me make me yours,
Use me even if for one night,
I just want you close.
Love me, oh please.
Love me how I love you,
I just want you to show it briefly.
Make me, oh make me,
Make me into a man you can love,
Make me into a prince,
I just don't want to be a beast.
Keep me,
Keep me sane,
Keep me calm,
Keep me pure, im tired of living tainted.
I just want to be in possession of a good soul.

I know it's over,
It's nearly been sixth months.
I know you won't listen to the mixed CD I made you because you miss me dearly.
Or for you to fall asleep on the side of the bed the you used to sleep on when I was there and look at the sheets besides you and wish I was there.
But, I do need you to remember the passion that ran through our veins, the electric spark that filled the room that first night I finally got the courage to kiss you.

"do you hate anyone"
Yes, myself.
And I'm sorry, I know you want me to be happy with who I am.
Because I do no good,
And I'm sorry, I know you deserve better.
No matter how hard I try,
I'm sorry, maybe I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't want to be bad
I'm sorry I lied and said I was good
But I always **** up.
I'm sorry, I'm always sorry
So almost every sentence is followed with "I'm sorry"
Just know, I'm sorry, for everything

A part of me wants you to say my name,
Just as innocent as can be,
As in the way to grab my attention.
Just to start a conversation with me.

But a hungry part of me wants to hear you moan my name.
As you did im the past,
Just as it was back during summer,
God those days went by too fast.

Five shots,
And a couple beers,
And you're still not out of my mind.
You're not supposed to ******* be here

Oh, She changed my world from black and grey, to shades of every hue.
She wrapped her rope around my heart,
I knew it the second I looked in her jade eyes,
She had me hooked from start.

I told you every body left,
I told you every body gave up.
You assured me you wouldn't,
I believed you...
But It turns out I was right.

My fingers are raw.
I spend hours with my guitar playing in attempt to clear my mind...
But oh god, she was in every ******* song lyric.
In every song I've learned how to play

You can't even say you love me,
Why is it I keep wishing you'd show me

Maybe later  we will meet again under differerent circumstance,
And maybe then I'll have a chance

Whichever parent told me "sticks and stones will break my bones and words will never hurt me" is ******* misguided.
Because words are one of the most destructive weapons that I've ever faced.
Though do you know why words can be the most painful weapon?
Because words can ease the curiosity that the human mind loves to conjure up.
Words can lift a person up, make them feel ecstatic.
Though on the polar end.
The words a person has one said
Can be the reason an individual wants whiskey in their veins instead of blood cell,
Every **** word,
Can echo in a person head.
Haunting them.
Causing the individual to tear themself apart

"What do you want"
I..-
"Anything at all, whatever you wish"
Her happiness.
"What are you willing to sacrifice."
Everything..

I just want more more night,
One more night before you rule me out.
One more before you say it isn't right