She told him not to kiss her goodbye,
Because kissing goodbye means leaving,
Though now he glances at the photo frame,
And remembers how he never got a goodbye kiss..
He snatches the frame off the desk and looks down.
It holds a picture of her and him,
A picture with a fond stranger.

He longs to play guitar until his fingertips bleed,
he thinks that will get rid of the feelings,
and that's what he needs.
Though from it his feelings engulf him,
The feelings cut into him like a knife.
Everything around him is grim.
and that's all they have been.
For the previous months, not only the few this year.
He has felt this way for while.
Though no one could tell.
Just like no one notices he is a shell of a man of what he once was.

My fingers are raw.
I spend hours with my guitar playing in attempt to clear my mind...
But oh god, she was in every ******* song lyric.
In every song I've learned how to play

"What color makes you feel the safest?"
"Green?"
"Why?"
"Because that's the color I see when I look in her eyes."

You tell me to chase my dreams. Though you're in them.
You say Don't allow anyone to alter my  dreams.
You don't want me.
You've made up my mind for me.

I remember hearing the sound of heels,
clicking behind me,
I recall how it made me feel,
I thought when I turned around Id see the most gorgeous lass,
And I was right,
I saw you.

Put me on display,
Like I'm a work of Art in a museum.
I want criticism,
I want to know what to be,
so I can be good enough.

I recalled a time when I was referred to as the sun,
though maybe I wasn't.
Maybe I was the moon,
Simply just a gray reflection of what I wanted to be.

My friends were right when they said you were toxic,
It's true, you're worse than the nicotine,
You swear they'll **** me,
You never noticed you were just as bad,
And too you I'm just another lad.

Maybe later  we will meet again under differerent circumstance,
And maybe then I'll have a chance

I love who I am, I swear I do,
But on nights like these,
it's hard to believe
That anyone else could love me too.

Lightening in my veins.
And thunder in my heart,
This internal storm will surely rip me apart.

I would have taken a thousand beatings,
A bullet,
Death threats,
Redo schooling all again,
Give up acting ability,
Traveled the world...
I would have done anything that you named..
Just to be with you again.

I'm a messy eater,
I mix up my words,
I never quite make sense,
I'm loud,
And I often frustrate you..
But just know that I adore you.

I told you every body left,
I told you every body gave up.
You assured me you wouldn't,
I believed you...
But It turns out I was right.

Don't worry about how I'm stubborn,
Forget that I'll argue back,
Tell me my worth,
Tell me everything I can't see.
Tell me..
Tell me..
Please...
Because I'm beginning to think it's just not there any longer.

My grandmother always told me to protect love, to chase it.

My grandfather told me to stay away from love, that it never ends well.

As I lay up at 4:44 a.m I don't know who was right.
I cherish the past.
But the present stings.

Have you ever wanted something so bad, but know you were immensely unlikely to achieve it?
Some wish fame.
Some wish wealth.
Some wish talent.
I wish happiness.
All seem uncanny when you think about them.

If I **** my mind,
Maybe I'll be able breathe,
Maybe if I don't think,
I won't crave to drink,
Maybe I don't have thoughts,
I will want to live
So I'll numb over.
And reject every thought,
Because then at least I'm alive

The fact that death lurks after me frightens me.
I never noticed how easy it is to halt a pulse, how easy it is for a heart to stop.
Maybe I'm not even scared of death.
Maybe I'm scared of not living a memorable life.

Change me,
Change me, to be a lad worth wanting,
Change me so I can be good enough,
I just want to be worthy.
Use me,
Use me make me yours,
Use me even if for one night,
I just want you close.
Love me, oh please.
Love me how I love you,
I just want you to show it briefly.
Make me, oh make me,
Make me into a man you can love,
Make me into a prince,
I just don't want to be a beast.
Keep me,
Keep me sane,
Keep me calm,
Keep me pure, im tired of living tainted.
I just want to be in possession of a good soul.

"Isn't hiding your relationship a huge *** burden?"
No, it's not the best circumstance.. But it's worth it.
"How?"
When I can say something sweet, and see that smile.
Hear a sweet name,
Or go hold her,
Or see her for a few minutes after a long time,
Or hear her voice...
It's all worth it

She said she loved his long hair,
That's why when he went to the hairdresser he got his hair buzzed.

"What was so different about her than everyone else?"
We clicked, I didn't have to try hard,
Everything was so natural,
We had our differences, yeah.
Though they didn't define us.
We were happy together.
I'm not saying there weren't problems,
But we faced them, and they usually never bested us,
But,
She was home.

One of the most heart wrenching things..
Is how immensly I love(d) you,
But how unsure you were if you loved me..
And how now, we are light years away,
As if we are strangers,
Strangers with the most heartfelt memories and secrets.

Today you told me
"Go home"
I told you I was...
You said to me,
"No you're on the street"
You didn't realize my home isn't the house I live in.
Home is with you.

Whichever parent told me "sticks and stones will break my bones and words will never hurt me" is ******* misguided.
Because words are one of the most destructive weapons that I've ever faced.
Though do you know why words can be the most painful weapon?
Because words can ease the curiosity that the human mind loves to conjure up.
Words can lift a person up, make them feel ecstatic.
Though on the polar end.
The words a person has one said
Can be the reason an individual wants whiskey in their veins instead of blood cell,
Every **** word,
Can echo in a person head.
Haunting them.
Causing the individual to tear themself apart

A part of me wants you to say my name,
Just as innocent as can be,
As in the way to grab my attention.
Just to start a conversation with me.

But a hungry part of me wants to hear you moan my name.
As you did im the past,
Just as it was back during summer,
God those days went by too fast.

People may say that I'm bad,
maybe it's because I yearn to be your habit,

                                             Because,
                                             ****, how I crave that I could be a cigarette,
                                             Packed full of nicotine,

                                             With each inhale with me against your lips,
                                             Your intoxicating lips
                                             You would slowly grow addicted,


If I'm bad,
than then let it be so,
but if I have to be bad,
let me be your bad habit, baby girl.

The memories could've been amazing,
But you're just ******* coward.

I sit and strum a chord,
though mess up on the tab because I zone out,
these thoughts shouldn't be here,
and are obviously off the board.
and that is without a doubt
but these lingering thoughts,
are of you, my dear.
I can't get them to go away,
lately they've stayed growing stronger with each passing day

Our hands touched and I was breathless.
I thought my feelings could be suppressed.
Though, I thought wrong I glanced into your eyes.
And then again I am paralyzed.
You lean into give me a kiss.
This shouldn't happen, it won't happen, something's amiss.
Then my alarm began to sound.
Then the kiss amiss, the problem, I  found.

Good morning my dear, I'll see you tonight in my dreams.

"What do you want"
I..-
"Anything at all, whatever you wish"
Her happiness.
"What are you willing to sacrifice."
Everything..

I know it's over,
It's nearly been sixth months.
I know you won't listen to the mixed CD I made you because you miss me dearly.
Or for you to fall asleep on the side of the bed the you used to sleep on when I was there and look at the sheets besides you and wish I was there.
But, I do need you to remember the passion that ran through our veins, the electric spark that filled the room that first night I finally got the courage to kiss you.

I understand that I'm not the lad of your dreams,
The lad you want in a relationship with you,
Or the lad you'll dance with.
And that I'm too hopeful for these things.

But, what I do hope comes true.
That one day, when you're painting. You use a certain hue of blue.
That reminds you of my eyes.
And then you realize.
That I would have traveled the world for you.
And that I loved you, more than anything.

When I saw your smile,
It sparked a light off inside me,
And with the light, flowers sprouted,
And a garden grew...
But now your gone,
And the light dimmed to a flicker,
But the flicker caught a tree,
And set a fire.
The flowers are gone,
and land is surrounded by ash and soot.
And a few ******* words was all it took.

"do you hate anyone"
Yes, myself.
And I'm sorry, I know you want me to be happy with who I am.
Because I do no good,
And I'm sorry, I know you deserve better.
No matter how hard I try,
I'm sorry, maybe I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't want to be bad
I'm sorry I lied and said I was good
But I always **** up.
I'm sorry, I'm always sorry
So almost every sentence is followed with "I'm sorry"
Just know, I'm sorry, for everything

I remember when Id kiss you suddenly and you'd inhale air,
I remember holding you some nights you'd fight to stay away but lull asleep in my arms,
I remember our first kiss and the spark ignited with it,
I remember every song you've sung to me, and your lovely voice.
I remember you holding me after a seizure,
I remember everything..
And lately you're in every corner of my mind

He hadn't the slightest clue of who would leave or stay.
So he spent his days pushing them away.
Until he saw those gorgeous eyes, the girl who could break down the towering walls along his heart.
And soon because the muse for all of his art.

What if I would have disappeared before I even ****** us up..
You would be happ834
But I didnt..
And I'm sorry.
I'm a burden

I remember looking Into your jade eyes,
Falling asleep to your heartbeat,
It grew to be my favorite lullaby.

Reserved
/rəˈzərvd/
Adjective.
Definition: Kept for a certain purpose or person.
I have a spot for you, it's reserved.
It's vacant, and it has been since you left..
I wish it otherwise, I wish someone was there, filling that gap
but I want you..
And the matter of current events says it will be left as is.
Empty.

Looking through photographs of me throughout the past,
How I grew,
How I changed into the man I wished to be,
But at a sudden spike,
You look into my eyes,
And they look as hollow as can be.
Ever since that day,
My eyes lack blue and give off grey.
The red, the blue, and all other hues,
Have faded.
The world is black and white.
And the hardest times are at night.
Those are the nights im urged to drink,
So I don't think.
Thoughts of anything but you,
But you're all the my mine think about,
And every hope, is shaded by doubt.
Addiction is not just for substance,
It is also for emotion,
And intoxication,
While intoxicated by the *****,
Nothing is more intoxicating than you.
I glance around the fuzzy room,
And put on a cover,
A costume,
A plastic smile...
A true smile,
Well, that's been dead for awhile.

4 A.M last night I long for you to be in my arms,
2 P.M last week on Wednesday I wanted your lips against mine,
It's always the same strain of thought going throughout my mind,
No matter what day or time,
You have a tendency to invade every corner in my mind.

The images of you two, you and him, they're ******* vivid,
And I sit in my room livid.
All I want is your love,
but I guess that will be left for me to only dream of.

She kisses my cheek,
And I realized we never had our last kiss,
And I never wanted it to end up like this,
The waters are getting rough,
And I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
I'll stop trying so hard, I don't have the energy,
Maybe I will next week.

Five shots,
And a couple beers,
And you're still not out of my mind.
You're not supposed to ******* be here

Oh, I crave to be loved by you.
I crave to be in your head,
And I wouldn't mind if you didn't even think about kissing me often.
Just once in awhile.

I crave to look into your eyes,
To see a flame,
For you to realize,
How much I truly care..

I crave to hold you close,
Not even intimately of you don't wish,
Just close,
I want you in my arms.

I want you, I really do, baby.

This world's crazy,
And my thoughts are growing hazy,
Of how your lips felt against mine,
And how our bodies would intertwine.