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 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Redshift
three people i love just called me
right after i screamed for someone to help me
my tears are falling in my mouth and suffocating me
i can't take this anymore
i threw out the knife, but that nail file
will do

help.
 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Redshift
i would like to write a cute little poem so i can post it on facebook
and have everyone tell me how adorable i am
how good at mediocre poetry i am
have them repost and like and comment
on my mediocrity
but every time i sit down to try
the word "****" pops out
and "****"
and
"*******"
and "cutting"
and "help me"
and "go to hell".

and no one on facebook would like that
they'd unfriend me
not that i ******* care
just that i have a hard time being adorable
no matter how many times people comment on my cute face
i am not a cute person
i'd cut you,
*****
forreal.

i almost wish i could be like my little sister
the prodigy
but **** prodigies, man
 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Redshift
it would be so much easier if i could just click your face for a like
double click for a heart
in real life
i'd sit in a bus and spend all my time liking faces
or not liking certain faces
then it'd be clear for once what i think of you
and if a little drop down appeared that gave me the option to comment
and leave words across the bridge of your nose
like
"this girl is a ******* *****"
or
"be nice to her, her brother rapes her every night"
i think it'd help us all out
because words are now our only form of communication
can't do anything without 'em
if you're **** with words you won't make it
body language is on the back-burner

you don't understand a ******* word i'm saying
can't take the hint to leave me alone
i'm glad you like my face
but we can't communicate,
facebook boy

for being so obsessed with faces and books
we don't do much with either
can't understand smiles
for the life of us
take it the wrong way
90% of the time
i like faces
and i like books
but you only like them
together
 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Redshift
he kisses ***** like he's dedicating babies
like somehow he's doing a great service
but no one really knows exactly what the **** for

he walks too close to me
up the hill
a married man
with three kids

he thinks it's fine to treat his wife like ****
in front of their friends
like he's exercising dominance over a dog
and exploiting how well it
obeys

a fourteen year old daughter
who has panic attacks when you drop a dish
or knock too ******* a door
or talk too loud
it sounds too much like
her father

i have never hated anyone more
than i hate this man.
*******, john "carter".
 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Redshift
you don't like girls who sass back

you want a girl who'll follow you around like a sheepdog

cleaning up your scraps.

you don't like girls who talk a lot

or too loudly

you'd prefer meek with a dash of kitten sweater

and i don't have anything against kitten sweaters

they're ******* awesome

but i've got a huge problem

with meek

so you and me...

it's not gonna happen
 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Redshift
i had this strange notion that new clothes would make people want me.
like a tripping over a new stereotype and taking it home to dry
would make people notice me
like my pictures on instagram
now that i can hashtag "gamergirl"
"nerdgirl"
"glasses"
"geek".

like somehow big bows and tight jeans
loose sneakers and earcuffs
and fake glasses
would finally sort me into the right file
with all the other people
like me (?)

like me.
are you like me
as in the clothes i'm wearing
the movies i'm watching
the games i'm playing
are you like me like the words i use
like the smiles i smile
like the imitation kim kardashian perfume that i buy (?)

i had the feeling that people would notice me
that hipster boys in starbucks would take a sideglance, then go for another peek
that boys from ivy-league schools
would ask for my number
that gamestop employees would stand too close to me...
and i was right.

but being right doesn't always mean you're happy
and though i am somehow now interesting
and attractive
and easy to sort into small plastic boxes
i feel
empty
poor
cold
materialistic

basically, i feel like every girl i have ever envied.
i don't know why i envied them.

they are not like me.
 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Redshift
why is it that every time a boy passes me in the hall
i feel guilty
like i owe something i haven't paid
like i ought to have something but i haven't taken the time to get up and get it -
embarrassed.

boy,
why does the back of your neck frighten me
why does the suggestion of your frame
make me wish i was not existing
what is it about you that is so
*******
scary

i am a goddess
a wisdom
a prose
and yet i cannot look normalcy in the face
you are nothing special
but you are enough to untie my laces
 Oct 2013 Socally Picter
Lunarian
I have taken shots of sorrow
til it became bottle after bottle
of warm liquid that ever warms my veins
leaves me wobbly and in a daze
the bartender says my limit is reached
but i tell him to keep pouring
keep pouring ,keep pouring, til I lie down snoring

However, like a wounded beast i refuse to lie down
So,I'm sitting at the bar and feeling weak
ditzy and cant speak
the woman next to me is saying something
about her problems and things
but my only replies formed are mumblings
the shot glass is sitting on the bar empty in front of me
painted with the cherry red of my lipstick
that once made me pretty
it tempts me for another round
it's evil stares haunts me and so I befriend its gaze
by looking at the glass lovingly

I ask the bartend for more
but he tells security to usher me to the door
upset, i saunder out,
broke my left heel and scream curses as if im opening hell's mouth

Limping around,I somehow found my car and sat in it
took out depression ,rolled it up and lit it
kept taking hits
hit after blazing hit
til my car was so smoky,it leaked out the window
dancing into the air and vanishing--
leaving me as a widow
it was then i decided to grow
tracing the smoke as it dwindled
looked under my seat and found a half empty bottle pain
and kept sipping on it
with nothing to gain

the mirror showed my patheticacy
faded cherry red
runny eyeliner
and smudged blush
painted a wasted mural of me

numb from anything once felt or thought
i threw it into gear and attempted the wasted ****** of me
(pathetic-ca-cy) lol i doubt its even a word but this is kinda how i feel tonight :/
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