And thats a good thing
Right now and so
You were not the one
I knew it years ago
I beat upon my own drum
And make the movie in my head
And never dwell on useless things
Like everything u said
No I will swallow what I choose
And spit out all the rest
And know them all inside and out
Before deeming one the best
I can swing these hips of mine
In ways youve never seen
And this heart u claim as yours
U dont know where it has been
Or who has touched me deeper
Much deeper than u could
Nor the nightmares that I mimic
More often than I should
That novel you read some years ago?
Well my friend I read it too.
The one that spoke of forever love:
Of someone for me and you.
There's a reason it's called Fiction.
You can paint me black now.
I'm in the shadow anyway.
And let my tears be evil,
My despair-your resolve.
Turn my sobbing
Into battle cries.
Go ahead, you know me
I feel so very out of place, sitting here amongst inanimate objects, looking at pictures of those I once knew, examining trinkets that once held some importance, which now sit cluttered up by the memories I can't recall with loves I once knew, that I thought forever could not touch, that were picked up by the next day and the next day and are quite scattered now, amongst all the worthless "treasures" of lives' I used to have, no more fitting into this current one, than I do this scene.
I never learned the way of ease,
I drop things with no grace,
As when earth itself does move,
And knocks things out of place.
You just stand there oh so stunned,
I drop things with no grace.
I never even learned to love,
And yet you still loved me,
In a way I did not deserve,
In a place that I could not be,
For I was just too hideous,
And yet you still loved me.
I never felt the true sting of loss,
But I sure feel it today.
(It was for your own good, my love,
That I sent your love away.)
Nor that I could feel your hate.
But I sure feel it today.
I will accept all the guilt of this,
And I will take the blame.
For I'm already so very ugly,
What difference makes the shame.
Just go ahead and kill me now,
And I will take the blame.
It's funny how we all just seem
To come and then go again.
Sometimes here, sometimes not,
Sometimes just checking in.
To see if any old friend of ours,
Has just.. like us...stopped by.
And left a little post-it poem,
As their way of saying "hi."
She faded slowly out of sight.
I had kept her in my view.
Just as you did for a while.
She never looked back.
Not for a long, long, time.
When I could see her no more,
I turned to relax in your arms.
But you... over my shoulder
Watched her return.
Even beckoned her.
I could not see her.
But I could feel you.
Now holding us both.
Her a little tighter.
And me out of loyalty.
So I let go of you.
And walked away..
Just as she did.
And had I not looked back.
I would be unaware
That no one watched me go.
Of what I feel no longer,
Of what I perceive no more,
Some may call me the richer,
I think me rather poor.
My knees no longer tremble,
My heart no more aloft,
And I discern no difference,
Between the hard and soft.
I sense not the mourning,
My heart knows that it should,
Nor can I measure by degrees,
Of equal; bad and good.
And the echo would be hollow,
Were you to beat upon my chest,
All that's found here at this inn,
Is an empty, vacant, rest.
Which cost me not a single thing,
Spare a dream upon my waking,
Meanwhile 'til soul from slumber stirs,
My heart will not be breaking.
With just a heartbeat's pause,
Every prior object sought,
And all the toiling up til now;
That mattered; now does not.
Who are we to yearn for more,
Then but delight of day?
Be it burden or a privilege,
To remember yesterday?
And lo, if it calls out to you!
Just a single backward glance,
Might just forgo tomorrow,
From destiny ....to chance.
So within the pause; just...be,
At peace and hold thy breath.
Unknown how many lie between,
The next until thy death.
You may not breathe as deeply,
As you did breathe a year ago,
But do not preempt this moment,
Nor mourn the ones that go.
The heartbeat's pause is timely.
Perfected, proper, prime.
Each second unassuming,
More or less of time.
In all of her absence you held me,
With arms that were so strong,
I believed you had forgotten her,
It'd been so very long,
But it only took one phone call,
To prove that I was wrong.
With eagerness did you reply,
And her thrill returned again,
And just as quickly I disappeared,
As if we'd never been.
To turn this broken soul away,
From a fight I'll never win.
Well, I got the news today.
In a few short months you'll go away.
And no more will I see your face.
Nor my presence will thee grace.
No more crooked grins to see,
No more laughter will there be.
Amd all the memories that we share,
Will soon occupy an empty chair.
And all that's left to do is cry,
And hoarsely whisper my goodbye.
I imagine I walk a lonely street at night.
In the heart of a ancient city.
With close little houses and candles burning.
I believe that someone watches me from a tiny little window
Drapes pulled back.
Wondering who I am, what I'm doing out here, where I am going in the snow.
Ah but alas it's just a coat rack.
No one really cares.
I haven't been noticed at all.
And if they had..
Well they would only be jealous that I was out and they were in.
I prayed the angels would speak to me,
Even just a whisper in a dream,
To enlighten me with wisdom; truth,
As things are rarely as they seem.
And oh how amazing after one single prayer
I would receive just what I pled,
But oh how painful it was to hear,
The words the angels said.
You've no idea what these hands will do
Once you fall fast asleep.
In the dark they'll slowly feel around,
For with your soul to keep.
Until you fade into another realm,
Breaths become quite deep,
Then with (only dreamed of) precision,
Around your throat they'll creep,
These nails will find their throbbing foe,
Then your blood will start to seep.
For you've sown nothing but a nightmare, baby!
And that's exactly what you'll reap!
You say that you know my scent so well,
Even blinded, that you could discern.
How strange that fragrance is familiar,
To a heart that you'd rather not learn.
Never noticed all the vivid scars,
Which have all been placed within your view.
Nor seen me wince in your careless hands,
When you try to touch them like you do.
And who am I to ask my owner,
(Who even blind, would know me by scent,)
"Sir, do you know where I am right now?"
"Or even how long ago I went?"
Oh! What a long storm has travailed here,
With only a short lull or two.
That rainbow which we presume is near?
Is a thunder's span length from view.
Who called the clouds and who rose the mist?
Did memory beckon again?
Green grass that once surely did exist,
Has since died between now and then.
The trees are so very tired now,
And their limbs can hold no more weight,
And for them and I and you, I fear,
That the rainbow is much too late.
This world will surely continue on,
One day without me in it.
For it's been said of GOD himself,
Our lives are but a minute.
But we all leave an impression,
That lasts longer than today,
Whether in a grandiose manner,
Or in a very simple way.
Let my memory be a reminder that,
We're only here for a short while.
And I pray the legacy of "me,"
Be one that starts a smile.
Enjoy the blessings we are given,
And take for granted none,
Share all of who we really are,
With each and everyone.
Do not believe you've broken me.
No pity needed here.
I can't even recall how long it's been,
Since I have shed a tear.
I will get up and move about,
Carry on with this life.
I've no need to be a beggar,
A forgiver or a wife.
I'm just as beautiful as ever,
No eyes be needed here.
And I'll be moving forward,
Forward with no fear.
But learn a lesson if you will,
That is so very true,
The only person broken here,
Sadly, dear, is you.
I do not feel a thing, my dear,
No, I do not feel a thing.
I notice not the looming clouds,
Nor the rain which they will bring.
I gave it all up...yes!, gave it all up,
Gave everything away.
But I've yet to miss a single thing,
At least as of today.
I do not laugh, I do not smile,
But, yet, I do not cry.
Nor do I feel the loneliness,
Upon the word "goodbye."
For I have learned one lone truth,
Of which I have no doubt.
That there is nothing in this life,
Which I can't live without.