I’m so tired of being me
Tired of feeling to much, too much love, too much hate, too much of my own body
When the tears you cry itch and burn and every emotion you feel makes your stomach churn

Tired …

Tired of caring to much, it’s exhausting
When social interactions cost all your rations and a hug can trigger enough to lead to regrettable actions
When crumbs on the floor stick, make you sick feeling engulfed in waves of unease it’s unappealing

To be me…

To be me and hate every inch of your being
To be me and live with all my neurosis
To itch and scratch In your brain and in your veins the unreachable unteachable tendrils that sliver

To be me is to be tired
To be tired is to be
Human.

Miserable when you were here
now that you are gone
still feels like you're next to me

(inspired by Malia’s poem ‘crack the code’)

the unspoken poems
are the loudest
the ones you don’t utter
the times you don’t bother
symphonies of silence
votes of no confidence
trust marbled with rust
what's become of us?

There was once a bizarre girl
I've never seen anything alike
Over the moon she brings  
Like the stars in the night

In times we laugh
And in times we sync
We talked about the world
And the hole within

I thought of us together
Forever and bliss
We fit together exactly
Like puzzles that are meant to be

And so I thought I'll be
Intertwining with thee
Every second every minute
Adoring her cherry red lips

Perplexed and confused
She rejects and refused
Off she goes and now she hides
From the very person that just broke and died

And now you think of her
Every now and then
Reminiscing the times you had
With the girl you'll never have

Love with you was different,
but you still played me.
Like every person you claimed not to be.

I want nothing more than to be left alone.

yet there's this child
Clinging to every
Step I take,
Reminding me of
All the spears
Our mother
Chucked at our eyelids.

I want nothing more than to be left alone.

yet there's a little rebel
Churning the bile
Inside my guts,
Screaming at me
About all the sharp edges
Of the road we walk on.

I want nothing more than to be left alone.

yet there's all this responsibility
Weighing me down,
And dragging me
Towards the edges
Of this broken glass path.

I want nothing more than to be left alone.

yet theres an old man
Whispering from the haze.
He tells me to turn back
From this destiny we share.

All that he wants is nothing more than for me to leave him alone.

"i love you" you say.

the words get stuck at my throat,
caught between your hands when you squeezed them.

"i'm sorry"

i can still feel the throbbing spots on my face as you kiss me,
where you had left your red and purple signatures.

i'll just wait for you to like me again.

as you beat the drums of my face and body,
i sing and dance to every hit.

"you know i love you, right?"

the same mouth that declares its love for me
is the same one that spits out fire and burns me.

i don't want to argue, so i'll just wait for your love.