Am an animal
a pig, an ape, a wolf
satiating the instincts, is all I seek
then I wear the robe of intellect
and have a mental ****.

The land white
sky purest of blue
settlements rising on distant hills
taking the form of the hill
the lines of *****
going all the way up to the hilltop
then suddenly bursting into a monastery
flags flying high
chants flowing along with wind
people humbled by nature
searching the meaning of life
yet life continues in the wretches of nature
no rain, no snow, a few lakes and desolation
a cold desert, with a few specks of life
hard mountains, soft valleys
a few passes here and there
here nature is unforgiving
it will eat you alive if you stray
no help for thousands of miles
and yet people want to live
no conveniences of a sprawling metropolis
no rapid transport systems
a lonely walk down the hill to fill water
a steep climb uphill to the destination
life slowed down to enable sustenance
life slowed down to a breathtaking reverie

I read a book
it doesn't seem to end
thousand pages i have read
and yet the end is nowhere near
characters keep appearing and vanishing
no apparent design no apparent destiny
sarcasm without wit
irony without intent
maybe i should finish this chapter
close the book and pick up another one
Perhaps I have to read this one
cover to cover

a trail of talking pictures
it seems like the soap opera
it never ends
new twists, new plots
new actors for old cliches
facts stranger than fiction
no sir, no truth here
just an unabashed indulgence
no shame, no remorse
take it or leave it
but leave it i can't
the reels keep rolling
am glued to the spot
till end credits roll out

I witnessed death the other day
a giant came from behind my left
missed me by a few feet
carved an arc towards my right
mangling everything in its way
for a moment there was deafening silence
followed by a wail from a child
then the honking to get out of way
people rushing to destinations
destinations important than crushed humans
I stopped for a few moments
then continued on my course too
shaken but not stirred

can hear the rush of water
the change in tempo of sound
as I go down and pop up
they say sound travels faster in water
it sounds very different though
I am drowning I know for sure

I drink some water
my sinuses hurt
have a stinging pain in my head
and am getting choked
the rush to stay afloat
kicking my legs furiously
I am drowning for sure

the water is above my head now
I can see the blue of the sky
I don't hear the screams any more
I seem to be fading away
I don't mind it at all
I have drowned for sure I know

Everything seems fake
each day a new low
don't know if I am riding a wave
or it is a crest I have fallen into
questions that need answers
questions that don't have answers
answers that make me squirm
answers I am not sure of
and while this happens
i sink into a new abyss
light is rushing away
darkness engulfs
It is cold too
and my body feels broken
No soul left in me
no warmth to give any more

Don't ask don't tell
Stay quiet
Oh go to hell
What you think is not welcome
What you feel abomination
Angst you feel is fake
Love you seek unavailable
Void you feel is all there is
Go dive in it
Go drown
Don't expect
Don't give
Don't seek
Don't bleed
Why why why won't there be peace.

pangs of loneliness
unholiness of worship
fallen gods becoming idols
idolaters seeking redemption
crass waste of endeavor
and yet it seems like yesterday
the silence is deafening
where once stood the revered
now stands a debauched figurine
some folks visit to see the lost glory
but all that is lost cannot be stated
it is gone like a puff of smoke
it is lost in the sands of time

Sore with discontent
Oblivion beckons
Fade out or live long
Perhaps not an option
Choices are illusions
Life a big lie
Return to innocense
Most desired
Loath and anguish
No logic to talk about
Haze of negativity
Call it depression
Yet it is life still
No pride no prejudice
Just an unflinching death wish
Nothing to hang on to
Or so it seems
Can this all end please
Cannot watch the re-runs again
Cannot see the downward spiral
Cannot live without belief
Cannot make room for belief as well.

Untouched, Unfazed, Unmoved
A place to rest, re-vitalize
fill up the venom before another crusade
Forget all, remember self, just the self
No love no hate, couldn’t care any less
Caught amidst strangers, but stranger to none
Long lost look in the eyes again
Amnesia in setting, peace in offing
How long will it last
Hope for a lifetime

It pains to see another one fall
it pains to see them bow down
It doesn't hurt much though
in time pain will be gone too
and I will watch detached
the cut down trunks
the uprooted remains
the wilted blossoms

Each time I see another fall
willed, I become all the more
I will survive.
I will survive

A thousand ships sail towards sun
each one carrying the hope of life
each searching for the island of life
sails set high, urgency in air
cover the maximum ground
or drown in the star dust
burnt by sun, skin peeling off
they still manoeuvre the vessel
charting set co-ordinates
under the shade of stars

the last of the scions
the last of the czars
the last of humanity
all bundled up inside
scrouging over morsels
already inhuman
they are the lost hope
oblivious of the fire
concerned about nothing
they fight the trivialities

No redemption sought
yet the men at top
toil so hard
to set the right course
time will make them see perhaps
the cause that was already lost

shared intimacies and a lonesome whisper
love that blooms and withers on cue
where no one is just your own
every moment shared with a select few
all travellers converge at one port
no one owns it, no one can claim to
his was a journey so defiant
he crossed the desert to arrive
another one swam across oceans
yet another bled his heart out
all converge at the mecca of their calling
and pray for the boons to be bestowed
It was long ago, but still it seems fresh
the blood is still hot as it was in veins
imagination riots in unimaginable directions
each one reason for his own misery
like the strings plucked in harmony
they weep the music of their souls
no other tribute will do
no other sacrifice will register

sometimes you choke up unable to breath
tears brimming in eyes
trying hard to swallow back the swallow
trying hard to let it go
everything will be fine, everything will be alright
you will get to live some more
you will get to love some more.
you will get to weep some more.

Maybe i need a haircut
or maybe i need a new head
when nothing fits
one has to be one's own tailor
a fish eye lens would help
to see all at the same time
a ride up in clouds will comfort
and when we fall, no one will complain
lust for life will be quenched
by the fire from hell
and the innocents will walk
the sinners will fly
the pious will crawl
nothing will be real
nothing really is
maybe i need a haircut
maybe i need a new head

I miss you
Like I miss life
I feel nothing is worth the pain
Except your presence in life
I know I am stupid
For wanting you like my soul
When I have lost you
For the follies of my own
You made me feel loved
Like no one ever has
Now I feel the desolation
Of an outpost far beyond humanity
No one can touch me
For I am marked for life

The other day I heard a good news
Knew you would be proud of me
Tried sharing it
But no one bothered
Felt like a child back from school
No one to show my trophy to.
No one cared no one cares now too

Sadness brims over in tears
And they flow in torrents
Heart utters out but a silent wail
No one to listen to my bereavement
I wish I could reach out
Through fabric of time
Hold your hand right
And drag you where you belong
To grow old together
Like I always pictured it


I have made my life complicated some more
Have a lot of pain and then some more
A curtain of normalcy and expectations
Of desires and fights and some more
But the void inside me echoes your name
Calls out frantically and then some more
horrified of what has come to pass
Hollow from inside I seek life and then some more

Open the door and usher in some light
watch the dismal darkness fade away
question your sorrow, your beliefs
ponder what was good, forget the bad
bury the visions that haunt you
they are but ghosts of time gone by
no one to speak to, nothing to speak about
all that ails me is in my head
a smoke filled room, where I cannot breath
a lost love that I can't feel
blind to plight of people around me
I walk like the ghost of my dreams
obsessed with self and all that i desire
time heals all and time is my recluse
but till that happens, pain is all mine

Have written a million words
still there is want for more
have wandered a thousand miles
still no destiny in sight
each day pegs a new hope
some of it denial
some of it pure hope
struggle to keep my sanity
fails me at times
there is life and love beyond lucidity
so i like to believe
the smoldering bars keep me captive
scare of burns keeps me in check
scarred beyond recognition
I try to find myself in mirror
witness I do, a shadow of a ghost

she loves beautiful
she cares beautiful
but beware she loathes too
she prays beautiful
she dreams beautiful
but beware she curses too
she walks beautiful
she talks beautiful
but beware she seduces too
She writes beautiful
she thinks beautiful
but beware she bites too
she is hope incarnate
she is peace incarnate
but beware she is evil too
she is a child
she is a mother
but beware she is a woman too

slivers of despair
scattered till horizon
isles of hope
invisible they are though
coarse sand of times
slowing the stride
wearing down life

Will I always debate the futility of it all
or will the realization dawn on me somehow
I cannot contemplate for ever
something that is of no consequence what so ever
I need to shut off the lights
and go on towards the dark
shut off the brain and embrace oblivion
shun the life and make love to death
sooner or later, sooner why not

Strange is the land on which he treads
seeking blood for vengeance within
he stops and sniffs, yes there is hatred here
someone will fall for the false hope again
some eyes will always be moist
some hearts will beat with deception
someone will be every ones fool

he enters a cave marked red
a thousand eyes stare back unconvinced
they have seen the ascent
they have witnessed the retreat
the darkness engulfs him now
and yet he keeps walking along
something is squelching under his feet
some faded whimpers, some squealed threats
he can't see what he treads on
unseen unnoticed unforgiven,
they die under his feet

just as sudden is the advent of light
his feet are red, blood red, red
his hand still holds the sword of malice
and he wears the shield of ignorance
forever protected in his own heaven
oblivious of any agony but his own
he yearns for satisfaction
he yearns for instant gratification

Another evening with hues of red
merging into blue, blue morphing into grey,
Grey turning black marred with tiny specks of silver
I sit and watch this metamorphosis
my eyes lusting for a streak of silver
a falling star
want to wish my fortune on it
they say these wishes come true
a speck of dust, rushing to meet a mass of dirt
burnt before it can reach its destiny
a bright end to a splendid rush

I am tired of my rants
like a millions hammers
pounding away in my brain
constant chatter drowns sanity
expectations love and affection
comfort insecurities and misadventures
regrets lost and found
a million lives not lived
what could be and what is
hauntings and remembrances
shadows looming large on today
today that is not perfect
perfection that is just in mind
mind on verge of lunacy
constant screams drowned
in the agonizing void
void that is my life

I am tired, very tired

tears they have a mind of their own
roll down when you least expect
open your soul to strangers
strangers that glare
stay in dark away from glare
tucked in blanket of oblivion
lost and lonely yet sane
lost and lonely yet sane

A creepy crawling snake
wrapped around a twig
slithering its way
up the rotten branch
remnants of a tree trunk
after termites had there way
the branch snaps
the snake falls down
creepy crawly snake
the vicious venomous snake
it is hurt and it is hurt bad
oh please will no one help it
It tosses in agony
poor helpless snake
everyone is scared of it
yet all it wants
is not to be alone just then

Fallen petals from wilted flowers

spread on the  road to horizon
bloom is over, warmth is receding
it is going to be a long night
last hint of light at horizon faints
and we are left alone
I didn't see the clouds come in
did you?
the stars and moon have disappeared
under the thick blanket
It will pour soon
lets get cosy in some place dry
will you?
I search frantically for cover
everything is so dark now
can't see my hands in front of me
and yet hurry we must
can you?
We let go of each others hand
and now we are lost in this abyss
suddenly I am scared
have I lost you forever
i call out you name
i wait for you to call
did you?

find me a life
sell me some dreams
call me on my phone
leave a message atleast
push me to a corner
hit me with a club
hit me with a jab
sell me some highs
dope away the lows
sold my body
sell my soul
**** me everyday some more
kick me in the groin
laugh at my puckered face
sell the snapshot of agony
don't leave anything unsold
cash me in, cash me out
sell them the deepest desires
sell the sacred earth a dime
make all you can till I die
cut my veins and let me bleed
cut me to pieces and sell the pork
dry my hide and sell some more
***** me a ****
***** me now
***** me love, ***** me passion
***** me instant gratification
***** me death and the world beyond
we are all ******, **** me now.

did you see the leaves fallthe clutter on the roadsall the shades of brown and yellowthe winter would be long this yearI don't dread the coldnor do I fear the depressing morningsbrooding afternoons are welcomeas are restless eveningsbut there is no spring in offingno promise of summer as far as i can seethe winter would be long this time aroundthe chill is setting in my bonesmy heart has gone all but coldsome times there is a flutter at the corebut thaw is no more in sightthe clots are beginning to formthe hurt oozes out of wounds stilleach passing day is endearingeach morbid thought welcomethe hush after the rushthe summer that lasted a bit too longthe winter promises to last a long time too