Don't ask don't tell
Stay quiet
Oh go to hell
What you think is not welcome
What you feel abomination
Angst you feel is fake
Love you seek unavailable
Void you feel is all there is
Go dive in it
Go drown
Don't expect
Don't give
Don't seek
Don't bleed
Why why why won't there be peace.

I am tired of my rants
like a millions hammers
pounding away in my brain
constant chatter drowns sanity
expectations love and affection
comfort insecurities and misadventures
regrets lost and found
a million lives not lived
what could be and what is
hauntings and remembrances
shadows looming large on today
today that is not perfect
perfection that is just in mind
mind on verge of lunacy
constant screams drowned
in the agonizing void
void that is my life

I am tired, very tired

tears they have a mind of their own
roll down when you least expect
open your soul to strangers
strangers that glare
stay in dark away from glare
tucked in blanket of oblivion
lost and lonely yet sane
lost and lonely yet sane

Everything seems fake
each day a new low
don't know if I am riding a wave
or it is a crest I have fallen into
questions that need answers
questions that don't have answers
answers that make me squirm
answers I am not sure of
and while this happens
i sink into a new abyss
light is rushing away
darkness engulfs
It is cold too
and my body feels broken
No soul left in me
no warmth to give any more

sometimes you choke up unable to breath
tears brimming in eyes
trying hard to swallow back the swallow
trying hard to let it go
everything will be fine, everything will be alright
you will get to live some more
you will get to love some more.
you will get to weep some more.

I miss you
Like I miss life
I feel nothing is worth the pain
Except your presence in life
I know I am stupid
For wanting you like my soul
When I have lost you
For the follies of my own
You made me feel loved
Like no one ever has
Now I feel the desolation
Of an outpost far beyond humanity
No one can touch me
For I am marked for life

The other day I heard a good news
Knew you would be proud of me
Tried sharing it
But no one bothered
Felt like a child back from school
No one to show my trophy to.
No one cared no one cares now too

Sadness brims over in tears
And they flow in torrents
Heart utters out but a silent wail
No one to listen to my bereavement
I wish I could reach out
Through fabric of time
Hold your hand right
And drag you where you belong
To grow old together
Like I always pictured it


I have made my life complicated some more
Have a lot of pain and then some more
A curtain of normalcy and expectations
Of desires and fights and some more
But the void inside me echoes your name
Calls out frantically and then some more
horrified of what has come to pass
Hollow from inside I seek life and then some more

she loves beautiful
she cares beautiful
but beware she loathes too
she prays beautiful
she dreams beautiful
but beware she curses too
she walks beautiful
she talks beautiful
but beware she seduces too
She writes beautiful
she thinks beautiful
but beware she bites too
she is hope incarnate
she is peace incarnate
but beware she is evil too
she is a child
she is a mother
but beware she is a woman too

Maybe i need a haircut
or maybe i need a new head
when nothing fits
one has to be one's own tailor
a fish eye lens would help
to see all at the same time
a ride up in clouds will comfort
and when we fall, no one will complain
lust for life will be quenched
by the fire from hell
and the innocents will walk
the sinners will fly
the pious will crawl
nothing will be real
nothing really is
maybe i need a haircut
maybe i need a new head