I sat at the restaurant car sipping my cold coffee. I tried to sort out my thoughts, as if I was sorting socks in pairs from a huge pile of laundry. I’ve never been good at either one or the other. So I looked through the window at the changing landscape. It was after sunset, in a moment everything was going to shroud in darkness.

I stood in a place. I wanted to do so much and at the same time I was paralyzed by the thought that  everything was so painfully temporary, so fleeting and consequently – of little importance. Have I achieved anything significant, anything valuable in my life?  Existential fear seized me and the longer and harder I dug deep into the issues of my existence, the more everything was spinning in my head. I started to see blackness, I had to take a deep breath and close my eyes. After all, it all was going to fade away, I comforted myself.

I opened my eyes. Right in front of me stood a guinea pig of human size. It looked at me in an unobstrusive way, as if with care.

-I know a solution to all your problems – started guinea pig and took a seat in front of me. She was dressed in a tailored, formal suit consisting of a jacket and dark blue trousers. On its small feet it wore black leather shoes. It held its tiny hands in its blazer’s pockets.

-Is it even possible? – I asked myself surprised. I rubbed my eyes and watched around to see if the guinea pig caught the attention of other passengers. However, they intently kept reading the newspaper or checking the phone. Everything looked like before.

-Yes, it is. I can give you the elixir of youth, so that you’ll never have to worry about your  own mortality. This is the only chance in your life, it will never happen again, so you need to decide quickly .- said pig rummaging in the pocket of its blazer. She pulled out a small vial with fluorescent purple liquid inside. She shook the potion.

-It Costs nothing – said with encouragement.

I thought it was a dream. It must have been a dream. Most likely I lost consciousness and a huge pig was a figment of my imagination. I was amazed with my own visions. I was also incredibly intrigued by the whole situation and pulled my hand towards the bottle. Guinea pig gave me the mysterious fluid saying that I should drink all in one go.

I pulled a tiny plug easily and sniffed the liquid. It smelled like a mixture of sweet blueberries and rinse. I wasn’t frightened, for the first time I actually felt as if I was doing the right thing. With unusual for me trust to strangers I drank the whole potion without any second thoughts. Elixir, although smelled fruity, was extremely bitter and astringent. I saw a smile on the face of the rodent. Immediately I began to notice changes in its appearance. Pig’s fluffy hair disappeared, took on human skin color. On its head the brown hair sprouted, eyes turned green. Before I even realized, I saw a 30-year old woman who looked exactly like me - right in front of me.

-I forgot to add that the agreement was tied- answered the woman with my voice, finished  last sip of my cold coffee and left the dining car. I looked out the window, it was pitch dark outside. I saw my reflection in the window. So now I was the guinea pig.

never in a church made with human hands
never in shiny portraits and golden carvings
but in eyes of others, sharing meals, exchanging kisses.
never in plastic figurines from the souvenirs
never in fear of sin nor condemnation
but in assistance, in the beauty of wonders,
in the world's enchanting melody.

It was the story of that one boy and me, like thousands other stories.
And his smile gave me the feeling of ever lasting happiness. God's favor and protection, experience of simple beauty and overall vulnerability which made me feel  like a girl who once again fell in love for the first time.  Made me ache for spending every sunrise of my life just holding on his smile.
You could take everything from me if You wanted, but never the memory of that boy.
And I could trade all the rays of the setting sun in this world for the warmth of his smile.

Keeping me awake at night, haunting in my dreams,
Making me unaware of what is now, how it´s now and of the feeling in your arms.
The force that holds me in old memories of your arms years ago, force which pushes me violently in the anxiety of wonder if they´ll be here in the future and if yes, then where and for how long?
I want to feel it all now, be aware of how it´s now in this particular second, not through the memory of this moment tomorrow. To feel the happiness of your arms right now.
Please go away Sentiment, let me feel the present time.

In Life as in Art, seek for the most genuine and positive feelings.
Do not demoralize to arouse the feelings as the world can be cruel and sore without us repeating the same circles.  Strive to get the best out of people, believe in the better world that You can create.

If one day I shall die from the pain of longing,
I know this love was worth-suffering.

And I won't regret counting days, as long as I could count them for You.
I won't regret making plans, as long as they lead me to the places where I could find myself in your everlasting arms.

I have a pretty good life, happy family, sweet wife, three kids and stable job. That´s why  it hit me out of nowhere when this freaky clown started following me in last few days. I don´t know exactly where was the first time I noticed his creepy red nose which he tried to stick into my life, but I couldn´t really talk about it to anyone. Because who would take seriously a 48 year old man talking about clown who is stalking him? It scared the **** out of me, still I pretended I didn´t see him at all and ran as fast as I could when I realized the clown was around.
                   When I was eight, and I remember it well as it was the night when my dog died, I had that creepy nightmare about the clown who was climbing on the roof to get inside my room through the window, but as it was closed, he kept knocking through the glass quietly. I hated clowns since that day and always got anxious when I saw one on the festivals or at the circus. Scared to death I always made sure the windows were closed before I went to sleep, I didn´t want anyone to come inside my room, especially freaky clowns.
                  This night, when I  was going out of the office, I noticed the clown at the parking lot hiding behind the trash bin. I ran to my car, but as soon as I closed the door I realized that the clown was already inside. I left the **** window opened.
-I don´t have much time and you are always running away from me like crazy- said Clown very calmly, not like a clown, more like a person that is embarrassed to have that conversation with me.
-What do You want from me? - I asked, rather scared and confused.
-Tell your daughter to feed the hamster, she keeps forgetting to do it and I can´t do much with the windows closed. –he said calmly but with a concern, and disappeared a second after.