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Zulu Samperfas Dec 2012
I was quite content
Amid the struggles around me
the car that nearly ran over me
people so busy to make something
out of nothing
cosmopolitan, am I
you must know, can't be shy
In another land, a non Christian one
Christmas doesn't happen, or Thanksgiving
I lived like that for years ignoring it
forgetting them or looking at them from a distance
like an odd right performed by some other people
who dance around a tree
have made it into an industry
that powers an economy
I forgot our holidays, and now I'm back they come along
I remember that sense of duty and obligation
I had before I lived in other worlds, to make them happen
and do what must be done
and now, I don't care and today I spent doing as I pleased
and I was perfectly happy and the"beginning of the year"
will now come and I know it is only St. Sylvester's day
there are so many options about what to do
and one of them is nothing
You may feel sorry for me, that I am so jaded
and I think I should feel wrong for what I do or don't do
but actually, I am happier now, and more free
Zulu Samperfas Dec 2012
A big American auto dealership shining bright
Silver columns glint in the morning light
Displaying brand new cars at different angles and heights
It pops out of the dull landscape like a bright star at night
But it was not so long ago
That we were about to lose this all
And I remember the swan song before the fall
It's amazing it's there now, standing tall
I was living in NYC
Married, my husband and me
and it was all about the SUV
we saw no reason to conserve any energy
The rest of the world was thinking
Our resources are shrinking
Maybe our cars, should, too
And that was really the thing to do
But ask an exec back in Detroit
What to do right now, what is right
And bigger is better like might makes right
Would be the answer, a sorry plight
And then it all crashed and burned
would not work, like an SUV that could not turn
down a narrow street in an older part of town
made before we thought less of me and more of the crowd
And I'm not glad for the greedy execs
but it was really about American workers necks
I'm glad we helped the car industry
Will it happen again? We shall see.
Zulu Samperfas Dec 2012
Healing droplets from the sky
ping my bamboo plant, then off they fly
I sit inside cozy and warm
Nightmares in my mind are my thorn
Move toward the monsters I am told
Only then will they crumple, weak and old
Why am I cursed with a mind like this?
that only wants the good things for me to miss
It's still a child's mind trying to cope
without love, without hope
Zulu Samperfas Dec 2012
It's a curse to have these ideas flitting around inside your head
Begging to be written down and fleshed out and understood
I start going on it, I try, and then I think this is no good
just stop and I fight through that because the ideas still come
and it's so hard because writing is thinking and it's all a part
of me, damaged me who is insecure and battered and confused
and anxious and filled with ideas and creativity so I return
to my script, my painful birthing process that must finally be done
but it's so hard, and my mind muscles tear and want to run away
So I must be strong, I must stay
Zulu Samperfas Dec 2012
Please forgive me, but it was so tempting, you see
And I know that doesn't excuse me
I looked them up again, my X and his catch
I found something I hadn't seen, a video they had made from the NY Times
I turned green, or maybe it was a shade of lime 
Of course I had to watch it, I'm in the bar, might as well order ***** and tip a dime
He seemed nervous, professing his 26 year love symbolized by a picture
Said he knew who he was now, mumbled other things a muddled lecture
This photo as a kind of insurance?  Always hidden from me
She was 41, feeling the pressure to combine for the world to see
He made a big rush at her, I guess that's fine
His love based on a brief event in high school 25 years ago, a moment in time
But no one cares what happened then, that's just too old
You're just a kid, your memories by now are covered in mold
She couldn't see through it, and they couldn't have ***
They skyped for hours a day, what would come next?
Just pining and dreaming, a 19th century romance
Waiting, hoping to meet to take the chance
But then her friends said "this is crazy, he's just mooching off of you"
As his father told my parents when they complained, he's a shlemiel through and through
That means a mooch, a user, a parasite
If you've got what he wants he'll be there overnight
So pressured and blinded by a simpletons idea of romance
(she edits dime novels for a living by candlelight by chance)
They met in a whirl in Switzerland
Of course that makes it better, being abroad makes him kin
And quickly he worked and they were engaged
And suddenly they were "an item," all the rage
In the Times video they walk through ***** New York snow,
and stop at a cupcake store and feed each other, you know
And it's all staged so perfectly but somehow doesn't ring true
All smiles, all closeness, but there's greyness, coldness in their hue
and as he speaks I feel like I'm watching a police video where a criminal lies
Says he didn't do it, and he was somewhere else besides
And I shouldn't of done it, shouldn't of googled them, I admit I'm bad
But even through the loss of my own dream with him, her situation looks kind of sad
So in my future, I'm sure I'll seek romance
But I'll take it easy, go slow and listen to my friends
For this man nearly destroyed me, brought me to my knees
And I can't ever go through that again, so other's advice I'll seek
Zulu Samperfas Dec 2012
Maybe it's you who found me
Ferals born beneath a classroom
Wasn't fast enough to trap you
Actually what I meant to do
was get there before your mom made you
but nature works so quickly
and I was busy, so busy
and before I knew, well it's silly
cute little kittens
and then one injured sitting
at my old apartment
Couldn't let you stay in darkness
You all found me
and together we're a kind of family
Cats and people, similar emotionally
It's been proven scientifically
Zulu Samperfas Dec 2012
Because I see things and find things and sometimes they remind me
of sad things that lead to thoughts of other sad things and today I found
dusty dried roses from the first play I did last year at the school
and the girl who gave them to me is very sweet and talented
and now she looks away from me, and talks to me in a guarded way
Because she's just a kid and I'm not her drama teacher anymore
I must get over this, so I threw them all away and then I thought
about my engagement ring and how a therapist told me to have the diamond
reset, to preserve the fact that I was loved and I thought, I must get over
this and mostly I thought about how I needed he money so I sold it
for half of what my X claimed it was worth and I regret that.
I found the leashes for my beautiful black cat who died,
I would take him for walks when he was healthy and he had two different styles: flashy silver
and leopard.  And he looked good in both and what I wouldn't give to
have him back with me, all healthy and shiny and purring with his great roar of a purr that people could hear over the telephone with him sitting in my lap.
Things we have are given, and are taken away.
Even life itself, our own and those we love.
And I went back to the garbage, and underneath
coffee grinds and wet paper towels I retrieved a dry red rose
Because I was appreciated once, and I saved it.
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