The night’s coldness have hit me
Breeze full of memories
Of the distant past
Coming to freeze you from reality
And let the old times through
Realizations have cornered my mind
As the wind blew the pain away
Once again the clarity of life
Without the frosted eyes from the year’s pain
Shaved fear off my sleaves
And let the light decorate me
Ornaments hanging beautifully and free
Cakes delightfully plated
Holiday’s blend of happiness and comfort
You’re back again!

-jnldm

I keep on crawling
Bashing, walking, disappearing
Reappearing in your nightmares
I have not done anything but you distance yourself
Back out, Abort, Fight back, and ****
Inevitable.
My poison is pain
My poison is harm
My poison is death
It will do us apart

My insides break
You stepped on me
Crushed my soul
Yet I armed myself
Of pride, strength and independence
I am broken,
Arms shattered
Heart battered
Poisoned by my own toxins,
I altered myself

I hide in the dark
To be unknown
Leave reality
And weave my thoughts into a house
Then you break it,
Breaking, into useless strings
Spinning into infinity
Breaking from reality
Settling for disparity
I crash, unbridled

I sit between the lines
Keeping myself
From the light
The harm of the its shine
Triggering, Stunning my arms
As I embark life;
Discovering,
Living,
Dying.
Learning that everything will end.

Recovering,  from the glass,
That demolished itself
Corrupted itself
And breaking into pieces
Stabbing me, bits by bits
Analyzing the blood
Flowing down my arms
Streaming down my cheeks
Setting up a castle
Lies and Lies and all those cries

I am mistaken
A behemoth,
Out of your fallen minds
Revealing darkness
Unveiling the pain
From life;
Tortured souls
Self harm
Suicidal tendencies
How we are today

The castle of fears and pains
Build, standing steadily
Yet at one angle
Breaking
Tears streamed
Will anyone see
Will anyone feel
Will anyone weave my house, my castle
Back to place
Let all the darkness disappear
And crush my pride then Call for;
H     E     L    P.



-jnldm

His eyes caught me
From a distance I see
Dyed hair of white and dark blue
Like his lips, coloured
Like his smile, I see
Deep within the surface,
Is his hidden secrets
Deep within the smile,
Is his hidden pain

His eyes caught me
Shaded with dark thick lines
Closer and closer ,  I feel
His hair swept to the side
Like his voice
Like his laugh, I hear
Echoing beneath me,
Is his soothing voice
Echoing beneath me,
Is his pure joy

Today is the day
The day he’ll feel alive
The day he might notice
The day I knew ,
I truly love him.
                
                                                                  *to love me back will be everything

stupid boy,
i hope you know what you're getting into
because by uttering those three simple words,
you have managed to own me 
you were able to take the guitar from my hands
and make me the one to listen 

stupid boy,
I hope you are gentle and careful
because by making me feel secure in your arms,
my world is now situated in your hands
and one wrong twitch of your fingers
may touch a crack
which will break me even more

stupid boy,
i hope you're ready to be awoken from your deep slumbers
and know how to comfort a crying girl
because you'll have to hold me,
as I shake and sob at 2 am 
from the nightmares 
caused by the monsters in my head

stupid boy,
i hope you're ready to listen
because with the way you can make me sway with your words,
poetry will be flowing out of my mouth
like a waterfall of letters 
a whirlpool of emotions in every phrase 

stupid boy,
i hope you won't have second thoughts
or just simply run away
because when you strip me of all the glamourous facades
you'll see fresh battle wounds 
the body of your beloved is a warzone scattered with bullets

stupid boy,
i hope you're not easily disgusted by grime
because the skin that you want your lips upon is filth
and the cracks on my body may be bleeding
please clean these patches of dirt 
and fill the emptiness which is my whole being

stupid boy,
i hope you know that you fell in love with a broken girl
because I'm not like those pretty ones in the movies
my skin is blood-stained and my face is tear-soaked
i have no idea on what love feels like 
and to give it back in return
so please give me time to learn

stupid boy,
i hope you're good with words
because every day i am going to ask you
"why me?"
and i need you to make me understand
explain to me in detail
why you settled for a girl like me
when you could have gone for so many others
the ones who don't need fixing 
or assurance that they are beautiful
unlike how i am

stupid boy,
i hope you know that this stupid girl loves you too
even though i'll never really understand
why you chose me
or how i can return back the same amount of love that you make me feel,
i want you to know 
that if the only reason we're together
is because we're stupid,
then we'll be idiots forever

Forever, you said.
One word injected into my skin
making its way through my veins
tatted into my brain
and carved onto my heart.

And I believed you.

Every fiber in my body succumbed to the idea of your forever.
Even when you passed by and wouldn't even spare me as so much of a glance,

I grasped on your forever.

Even when I sleep, expecting to see myself wrapped up securely in your arms the next morning but instead waking up to the bed made neatly by your side
and I realize that you weren't even really with me the night before
or all the nights before that.
You were merely a body when I was soul, heart, and mind when I was with you.

I held on to that string of 7 letters
F-O-R-E-V-E-R
Strongly gripping the thin thread but gentle enough
because I was afraid that the thread will snap
and our forever will go back to being a jumble of letters
merely holding their place in the alphabet line.

I realized how you treat forever like it was spit from your mouth.
A never-ending supply that you can use as long as breath passes through your cells.
Forever, for you, was like rain droplets,
starting high up in the air, competing with other drops to get through
only to fall and
come shattering on the ground.

The cloth
we collected the stars with
you now use to wipe someone else's tears.
The paper
where we dripped our blood in
you now use to write a new story on.
The fingers
that used to set my skin ablaze upon every touch
you now use to trace someone else's shape.
The lips
that you used to set me on fire with
you now use to cloth someone else with
new hopes,
new dreams,
new promises.

I just wanted for you to hold me long enough so your touch may freeze upon my skin.
The memory of your hands on my body to last me forever.

But forever
was too much to ask.

-t.a.

...and so I held her. As the tears continued to spill from her eyes, I held her.
Wrapping my arms around her as if to keep her from falling apart.
I ran my fingers through her hair as I whispered over and over

"I love you.
And it's
gonna
be
okay."

Every night,
I read your poems
I read the honest thoughts of your mind
and every night,
I'm still wishing that I was the girl
behind the hidden times that you smile
the girl that makes you want to live
the girl that you hope for
the girl you wish for
and even though you don't believe in God,
I want to be the one that you'll pray for
the girl who can stop your nightmares
and turn them into dreams

I see the way you look at her
like she's one of the rare heavenly bodies
found in the infinite sky
and I'm just another lone galaxy
my elliptical indifference
spiral lies and mistakes
are reflected across the vastness of the void
and sometimes it feels like
I am the sun
and you are the moon
and we are cursed that the sun and the moon
will never collide
because you are too far caught up,
amazed by the stars
amazed by how she seems to shine and twinkle
across the darkness
and you don't care because you never notice
that my shoulders are near to breaking
from staying straight too long
every time I let you climb up on them
so you can try to reach her
but can't
the same way she doesn't care
that you write poems for her
and that you cast her as the princess
in your stories
I want to be the princess
in your stories
But everyday,
I am forced to fade into the background
because life has decided
that I am too broken
to be anyone's princess

Every night, I get pricked from the sharp points of the stars
when I collect them and try to weave them into a blanket
to drape over your body
to protect you
from the whispers and the screams
the truth and the lies
the fallen hopes and the cries
make you look at me
the way you look at her
but I still see you wishing
that it was her that you were hugging
and I am back into hiding
into that space where the superheroes have discarded their trash
the place for the people they've decided
are hopeless
the ones who still need saving
but are too convinced
that they've reached their end

I am the girl
that you share the deepest thoughts of your mind with
the thoughts that were lodged
into the small cracks
along the sidewalk of your secrets
You tell me the phrases
the rhymes and the metaphors
that no one else could decode
but she is still the concept
she is still the idea that comes up in your mind
when you think of writing something new,
writing something beautiful
And again,
I am just here
still the only girl
who can truly understand your poems
but never the girl inside them