When I sit back and just stay quiet, it's not because I'm mad or upset. I'm not giving anyone the silence treatment. I simply sit back and observe my surroundings, I get a thrill out of watching how people seem to be fake and act like they want me to be around them but as soon as I move or open my mouth their face cringe and frown upon the sound of my voice. I didn't ask to be an issue or to be looked at with such disgust. I've apologized for my whole life for something that I don't even remember doing or know what I've done. What have I done to you? Why do I seem like such a bother to you? I try my best to try and live up to the expectations that you've put upon me. There has been plenty of occasions where I would ask, "Why me?". I can't help but feel like I make you sick of me .

You know what's funny?
Thinking that you would find someone that's different but realizing that they're just like everyone else.
You know what's funny?
When you thought that you could trust that person, just for them to hurt you just like everyone else.
You know what's funny?
I almost let you in, until I realized you were just like everyone else.
You know what's funny?
You wanted me to trust you so that you and I could attempt to build a relationship but you were just like everyone else.
You know what's funny?
I thought that I could be prepared for the next person that will try to treat me just like everyone else.
You know what's funny?
You caught me slipping again.
You know what's funny?
You told me that you wouldn't hurt me like everyone else.
You know what's funny?
I believed you.
You know what's funny?
I fell for your trap.
You what's also funny???
NOTHING AT ALL!!!
I can only laugh but so much pain off until it consumes me! That same laughter that keeps me going in public slowly turns into tears behind closed doors.

The worst feeling in the world is not being loved, being a failure, an embarrassment, unwanted, a disappointment, and the Black Sheep. Sometimes I want to just run away and never look back. It ***** not being happy or feeling like you've over stayed your welcome in a house that's supposed to be full of love and care. Not being able to talk to nobody or being able to trust anyone hurts beyond a scar that is laying upon my skin that has it's own story. Yes, I do have the unbreakable love of a mother but it's only to a limit, meaning I can't talk about what I want to her or truly open up because it's not safe for neither one of us. I can't sit down and tell her about some, "Dude" that hurt me or I dare not say, "Mama, I met this dude that I'm digging or in love with". Simple words that bring me joy could stop the heart of others. I'd rather not have that on my conscience and so I keep my mouth sealed with the true unspoken love story that lives within me that breaks my heart everyday.

Why did YOU even think to send me message?
Why did YOU work your way back into my life?
Why are YOU treating me like I mean nothing to you?
Why did YOU open your mouth and tell me that, "You never lost feelings for me"?
Why did YOU say, "You love me"?
Why are YOU lying to me?
Why does it take YOU hours to respond to my text?
Why are YOU hurting me when I've been nothing but good to you?
Why are YOU looking at me like a you're zoned out?
Why are YOU not paying attention to me?
Why do I feel like I did something to YOU when I know I didn't?
Why did it have to be YOU out of all people?
Why was I feeling like it was me, when it was YOU?

You** have no idea what You've done to me...
You are the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning...
I smile when my phone rings because I know it's You...
I smile when I see a text message in the morning because I know its You...
You are caring...
You are compassionate...
You are sweet...
You are loving...
You are gentle...
You are breathtaking...
You are the one that I don't want to slip through my fingers...
You are the one I will fight for...
You are someone that is so special to me that words can not explain...
I am so glad to know that I have You in my life...
Thanks for giving me a chance to be the one who puts a smile on Your face, letting me be the one that calls just to check up on You,  letting me show You that I truly care about Your feelings and showing You that I am in it for you to be happy...
I can promise you that I will not hurt You...