Resolve is      plastered    
underneath   my skin

coated    with
lay  ers


to keep it in


Sha llow
thoughts fizzzzle
like     nerve     ends


never
reaching
conclusion


Live wires
inside my        mind


faintly touch      the tip of my
tongue


then    snap    back
    without                  result


without
       explanation


without
          resolution


This waiting game
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
l.eaves me
.
a..nswer                 less
.
t.h.ought      less
.
m.ind                less
..

I don’t know if I can ever love you enough
Because my love is tainted
layered and smothered
by the eyes
the heart and mind
the soil
of a land that I love
more than myself
I am a creation
of her
I am a puppet
of her
I am a preacher
of her
The words on my tongue
are the alphabet of her
the only language I have known
The sore in my back
is the hurt of her
The pain in my eyes
is the sight of her
So deeply engraved is my heart
in her land
that I would give you up
I would settle it once and for all
I would lay down my rights
to your comfort
your friendship
I would cover the void
that you leave if I leave you
with the tears of her children
the dirt of her ground
the songs of her heart
I would cover the nameless
faceless whiteness of the void
with India

(c) Zoe Johnson 2010

Bow down right where you are
on your knees
Oh I’ve gotten to the bottom of you
and it’s a cold hard place
but your lies are old
and I’ve learned them
old ugly dog
old tricks


No longer will I fall
into your eager clutches
and no longer will I be stolen from
I’ll twist your wrists like you’ve twisted mine
Where you’ve tried to steal the Truth,
I will steal your empty eyes


Thief
Spluttering whispers you have spoken
just when Truth is on my tongue
Just when I find my voice again
You’ve taken the fragments of my imagination
and stolen my worth
You’ve put your pointed fingers
into my questions
and mangled the answers
before they’re birthed


But no longer will you steal
what is rightfully mine
My child
put in my womb
the birth of my dreams
the birth of my desires
Look at me Thief,
if you dare look into my eyes
See this child Thief?
This child
Is mine




©Zoe Johnson 2011

I’m covered in the brink of tears
the link to a memory long passed
I’m covered in an inky mass of words
words that don’t last
I’m covered in the thought to act
the thought of change
that never comes
I’m covered in a promising past
a waiting present
an uncertain future
I’m covered in the misty belief
that one day my time will come
I’m covered in the sawdust of whittled mindsets
that leave me exposed
I’m covered in the brown and blue
of the heavy world that I put on my shoulders
I’m covered in the dusty thoughts
that I was so sure of but am no longer
I’m covered in decisions and lines
puzzles and equations
I’m covered in a flicker of light
sparking one eyelash at a time
until it reaches my dull brown eyes
I’m covered in a soul that has been scraped new
still raw from the peeling
but smooth and ripe
and ready to be covered in
love


© Zoe Johnson 2011

I can relate to the girl in the tears
she’s 16 and in love
I can relate to the swearer
and the rebel
I can relate to the slow cooker
and the microwave oven
I can relate to the wrinkle
in the corner of an eye
and on the sides of a well used smile
I can relate to the wheels
on that 4×4 Jeep
and the tar on the road
I can relate to that fake laugh
that falls anxiously short every time
I can relate to the butterflies
inside that stomach
on that stage
I can relate to the fire
and the frost
and the luke warm water
I can relate to that tilted frame
trying to hold that pretty picture
I can relate to the river
always moving
I can relate to that split second
where those eyes flashed sad
and that mouth said otherwise
I can relate to that stupid ******* T.V
that said the wrong thing at the wrong time
I can relate to the shadow inside that heart
where someone did someone wrong
and it stays there to remind them
daily
I can relate to the paint
and the white wall
I can relate to the lady
with the cats
and the man who walks and talks
to himself
I can relate to the one that never wants to be
alone
or forgotten
and I can relate to the one
who sits inside
curled up tight
So I will try
to never point my finger
crookedly towards your face
because
I can relate.


© 2011 Zoe Ray

Call everyone you know
to sit on this bench of love
Though you put all your weight upon it
though you let out your anger on it
with a hammer
Scratch it
Cover it
Paint it black
it WILL NOT break
Though you engrave your worst thoughts
on its surface
and sprinkle it with lies
Though you spit on it
give your body, soul and spirit to another lover on it
It will not even
    creak or
         move

Though you may try to test it out on many people
take it to a place as dark as night
and let snakes and scorpions crawl around it
and though you question it
until you’re blue in the face
It WILL NOT
BREAK

Call all your friends
to sit on this bench of love
and let them be calm
and let them stop fighting
let them know the Truth
etched deeply in its wood
Let them stop trying to prove it weak
and worthless
and fake
because it
WILL
NOT
BREAK

©2011 Zoe Ray