Every day the people do it
We can always see straight through it
Every day they ‘ooh’ and ‘ah’
‘Where are we going’ and ‘how far?’
Walking right through our arcade
Playing out the same charade
Are they coming in to buy?
Or look at every price and sigh?
‘Candlestick sir, antique broach?’
‘Sorry must get to the coach’

Occasionally while one man browses
They will look at the price of houses
But we know that they’ll never buy
Because the prices are too high
‘Salami, cheeses, tongue in jelly?’
But they just walk past the deli
From their course they never budge
Unless of course they want some fudge
‘Perhaps a painting or knick knack
A china tea ***, letter rack?’

The gallery’s packed full of art
But from their cash they still won’t part
The café almost tempts them in
The smell of bacon tends to win
But then they look upon the clock
And wallets full still, off they flock
In short this daily stream of life
That travels through our little fief
Just amounts to so much teasing
Rather than shop keeper pleasing

There is a reason none the less
For their single-mindedness
Despite how varied our approach
We cannot hope to beat the coach

Animals of the arcade, Farthing Wood we ain’t
Admissions must be made, not one of us is a saint

A motley crew are we, I suppose it takes allsorts
We share coffee, we share tea and we always share our thoughts

Such different species we all are yet side by side we stand
For even when we’re below par, we are a merry band

The chicken in her chilly room, she feels she’s lost her way
But we all know sunshine or gloom, she delivers every day

The pony keeps us all amused, trotting through the mob
But actually we are quite confused, what exactly is her job?

The wise owl often reads a book to pass the endless hours
She sits and shivers in her nook despite her selling powers

The elegantly pretty deer makes everything seem easy
No matter how she feels when here, she’s always bright and breezy

The deer has an assistant, a sleepy little mouse
Who can be quite persistent as she sells things for the house


And then there is the blackbird feeding everybody’s chicks
Variation is her key word as a future spouse she picks

Last and certainly not the most, the weasley little man
Who acts like he’s the perfect host but cons you if he can

And so each day we all display this animal behaviour
Six happy souls and one convinced he’s our sodding saviour!

There’s a man that works next door
We all find him such a bore
He’s ignorant beyond compare
For business he thinks he’s got flair

His ego’s always self-inflated
He has no idea how much he’s hated
He’s a diver, he’s a ducker
He’s a full time big star-******

To see his name in print
Would please him beyond measure
But I think he’s a prat
So I won’t give him the pleasure

I can see the apple pie looking at me from the fridge
I’m really trying to pass it by, not notice its sweet pastry ridge
I don’t want to taste its appley bits, so fruity and delicious
My inner voice is just the pits, it’s acting quite suspicious
‘cause while I’m being very strong and showing great resolve
My inner voice is forcing me to watch the pie revolve
I know that I should just stand fast and keep the pie a dream
But all that I can picture is apple pie and ice cream
Wait, what’s that you say, you’d like some apple pie?
Someone has eaten up my dream; I think I’m going to cry
Why did I prevaricate, my conscience didn’t budge
And now I want it, it’s too late. I’ll just have chocolate fudge.

Hands down on the side you say
And stick that bottom out
I know you’re reaching for the cane
Bite my lip to stop the shout

I know it’s going to hurt me
That torturous instrument
I remember each and every pain
Every bygone punishment

I feel you move across the room
A slow motion fantasy
Then the exquisite point of contact
That tears a groan from me

The mark you leave upon me
Isn’t just there on my skin
The real mark of ownership
Is the one that is within



I know I can’t deny you
It’s not about permission
You understand the need to seek
New heights of submission

Each time you mark my pale white flesh
The bond between us shows
Each time you gift me one more stripe
My devotion to you grows

No one has ever seen me
In quite the way you do
You looked in to my eyes one day
And instantly I knew

I knew that I would kneel for you
That I’d beg for my correction
I knew I’d bow to your command
For that moment of connection

And in return you show me
Just how much I mean to you
With each one of my dozen strokes
You share your point of view

You show me that you love me
That I am yours and yours alone
No other hand can mark me
No other touch will you condone

I will repay that devotion
I’ll gladly bend and take the pain
I’ll earn my stripes most willingly
And surrender to the cane

Hands down on the side you say
And stick your bottom out
My heart is won, I am undone
My stripes remove all doubt

I can’t deny I feel compelled, to write this ode to you
You’ve opened up my eyes this week, I’m seeing things anew
I never thought I’d find a man who’d help me feel this way
You looked in to my eyes and knew just what you had to say
You taught me my first lesson,that *** was in the head
And it’s true that you seduced me before we ever reached the bed
You whispered words in to my ears, you looked and knew you’d won
You saw your words set me aflame and now I am undone
You said I didn’t tell you that I liked the pain so much
But perhaps I didn’t truly know until I felt your touch
So now I’m yours to discipline laid out for correction
Every second a torturous wait for that moment of correction
The moment that makes me cry out, that makes me understand
That I must pay with punishment, the sweet sting of your hand
I wonder sometimes what is wrong.  Why do I need the pain?
Why is it that I feel the need to surrender to the cane?
But I won’t question anymore, get ideas above my station
I know now that your word is law and I’ll take my flagellation.

I need to be enriched on a Tuesday afternoon
I may begin to lose my grip if it doesn’t happen soon
The drama club was my first choice, little actresses and actors
But clearly I was overlooking certain other factors
They all think they’re DeNiro, Kiera Knightly, Judy Dench
But they’re so bad that all they do is make my buttocks clench
They constantly repeat themselves digging ever deeper
It’s a shame they have the acting talent of a railway sleeper
There is so much over acting, extra cheese with all the ham
But they like all the attention so no one gives a ****
The play’s a melodrama, a very moving tome
But I’m only moved to tears because I’m desperate to go home
I just have to tolerate it for a few more painful weeks
Despite the fact it grates on me each time one of them speaks
A soon as they perform I’ll be free of these woodentops
I’m actually counting down the minutes til this torture stops
I am so bored of hearing about Maria Marten dying
At least when she takes her last breath, I can finally stop the lying
Yes you heard me, all this time; I’ve lied just like a pro
I’ve told each and every child in here they’re vital to the show
I’ve told them their performances will make their parents proud
Despite knowing that their only talent is in being loud
There’s no way I could tell the truth, I won’t crush all their dreams
I know they’ll all learn soon enough that life isn’t what it seems
What sort of teacher would I be to tell them that they’re crap
To say their acting talent won’t ever put them on the map
To tell them that they have more chance of flying to the moon
Than of picking up a golden Oscar statue sometime soon
So I shall grit my teeth and paste the smile back on my face
And pretend that I’m in rapture at their lack of skill and grace
I shall say congratulations every night that they perform
And I’ll stand and clap for each of them until my hands are warm
I’ll do this all but don’t be fooled I really won’t enjoy it
I’ll be seething all resentfully as through each show I sit
I will forbear for two more weeks, just fourteen days of pain
And then I’m never coming near this drama club again
Next time I’ll pick more wisely, think more clearly before choosing
Or I suspect it’s more than sanity that I’ll be loosing
My grip on that is tenuous to say the very least
And working with these divas has woken up my inner beast
I think I’ll try a nice relaxing book or homework club
Or perhaps I’ll save us all the stress and just go down the pub
Yes… that’s what I’ll do