I heard you speak tonight
You bared your soul in a private space
And you saw me in you

Do you know?

I couldn't find the words to say that I understood you
That you had described my life, my wanderings in this world
So accurately
I almost didn't recognise myself in you

You looked so scared
So strong
So valiant in your battle
So confused by your own mind
And you broke me down

I had felt so alone in my conviction
That everyone else thought these things and won
I hadn't imagined that anyone else
Felt the way I did?

I thought I was surrounded by aloneness
Until I heard you
You made me see that it had just been me
But I was never on my own

You hovered at the end
Then left
I'd wanted to say what seeing you meant to me
But I couldn't clear my mind enough
To let you know how much you'd helped me:

In your hour of need
You gave me the strength you were searching for

I hope I can tell you to your face some day
That you changed my life tonight
In that way that only chance meetings can

Quickly
Quietly
Beautifully

Thankyou, my unnameable knight
You do not know your own strength

But I do

m aking ends meet
e nding
d reams
i n pools
o f money and
c urtaining off
r eal
i n-depth
t ruths about
y ourself

i nsert
s adness

t aking
h old of
e cstasy and

m artyring it
a way, bartering it and bashing it
d own into
n othing, letting its
e nergy
s eep,
s lowly trickle to a
.

this is the search
to my found
the balance
the hang
to my swing

in a trance
looking out
Wanting answers
Importing
some meaningless
in - count her
once
twice

It will not be free

It is already owe her

undone with
in due course

Everything is
asset
should be?

Know more
meetings
necessary

open it in
words won

last time
you'd hold me it wouldn't be
different
when you look:
din
(the mirror)

The shawl curls lazy
on the floor
and the shine creep
sin -
eyes drawn
to light

ex

turn all
the handles
and peer
into dusky rooms
full of

things we say
when we need someone
are you he(re
how long for)?
are you (go.)ne for an

emb(race)
the fear
falling fast
****, it's freezing in here
without

you have no name
no excuse yet
to leave
or stay
no depart date

in mind
or in mine
which is better?
sewing
fused with
you

full of

**** - there's some
one
at the door
I think but
what if
there
isn't
?

If I could snap my fingers for you
Take your troubles down
A peg or two

Unencumber you from life’s demands
And set you free
In a moment

I would not

Don’t get me wrong
It hurts to walk away
To wake each day aware that you’re in pain
And feel your years encroach on time
You won’t get back

But if I took away the gift you have
Given to you by years
Of indecision and opportunity

You would not know
The joy of freedom
It would feel empty
You have to earn it

It is not taken
It can’t be bought or sold
Your rights to it are eternal
If you believe it to be true

It’s up to you
To grasp the thread of hope
That waits in you and leads through pain to joy

It’s your decision
Only your footsteps matter
No-one else can get you there

And it sounds horrific
But imagine the alternative,
That there is another who could carry you:

What if they left or died or disappeared
What if your only chance at life
Lived somewhere else?

Your chances lie inside you
They never die so long
As you are living

They are your one true breath
Your fight will be their name
Your prize their liberation

If I could snap my fingers and release you
I would not
But I will hold you close
When times are light and heavy
And life is at your side

For those who know what freedom feels like
Pay the right price
Every time

When the house is a hole and the kitchen's a state
and work's like a chore and the tv's a bore
and the family’s complaining and the friends are all draining
and the hot is too hot
and the cold is too cold
and the young are too young
and the old is too bold
and nothing fits anything, anywhere, any old time
anyway - it's not them. It's me.

It's you.
We must stop.

Stop fixing, start healing
heal, feel, start feeling.
What’s in the middle of wrong, wanting out?
What’s on the edge of all right, wanting in?
Let it in, let it out
heal, feel, fail: BREATHE.

Be at peace, *** at bees
go camping, go carting
cartwheeling
spirit sailing.
Free-falling
free-loading, load-bearing
bare-teething
bare skinning: spare tyreing

Spree soaring.
Fly high-ing.

It's not them.

This will not be your last moment
to be in the mud, **** up to your ears,
eyes glowing and goggling at the stars,
as the water flows fast through your brain.
It will come again,
the avalanche, the ever launch,
into the pit.

Learn to love mud.
Learn to love **** and the crap and the water and rain
and the clouds and the sun
and the streaks of light that colour
your eyes a prism. Learn to let go of the prison,
the plot,
the *** of gold that man made, and dive
into the rainbow, drown
in life, in death,
in dust and moonlight.

Einstein said, if you can't say it simply, you don't
know it well enough.
Well, I can't say it simply: I want my life to be free.
And everyone knows shackles
are the devil's fee for ignorance,
for the simplicity that we want free to be.
So make it difficult, you ******,
make it hard and wild and brave
and bright and boring: if that's what it takes
to unchain my clammy hand from your clasp,
make it really ******* stale.

Make it meaningless and marvellous
and miniscule and most of all,
make it do what it doesn't say on the tin.
Make everyone look
like they know nothing, only
to find that what they’re really full of is
priceless, like diamonds, and then make them
mine. Make them mine,
all mine,
digging deep
into their essence until they’re empty.

Make me mine.
You ******.
You make me mine.

I’ve got the tools, you've got the map, I've packed the picnic lunch.

Bring it.

Looking at pain
From the inside out
Stepping off steep
Into an unknown, falling
Loose and tightly wound
At once
In one
Spinning straight-line lies
Wanting them to be true
From here to there exists
No mess between
No life
No humanity
No mess
Only simple
Straight-line lives
Like the heartbeats of our politicians

Got no room for deviation into mountains
Down to earth
Got no time for beats and bravery
Floating on in mediocracy
No, democracy
My mistake
Found a word and made it look
Like cool
Made it sound like hope
Made it work like ****
To cover up the sins of what was truth

Not pure or real
But what was on
Got hammering down
Got seeping in
Got on with getting on
Dig pocks in Devon and call it progress
Take chunks of the mama and look surprised
As she spits us all out from her centre
You, me and everyone who had no idea

Who sat behind their 5 mile screen and said
**** happens
When it was about the starvation

And said
More’s the pity
When it was about monstrosity

And said
Gotta be thankful
When it was about the tanks and the bombs and the guns
In some other guys garden

And screamed
What the **** is going on here
With tears and snot and terror all over their tan-stained brows
When the phone broke
And the plane was late
And the dog shat
And the restaurant ran out of hors de ******* oeuvres.

It’s a ******* sin, that’s what it is
To call yourself a restaurant and not have what’s on the ******* menu.

A ******* sin.

The world’s gone to ******* ruin.

Buy me Barrack Obama and let’s call it evens.

"Write?
Why would anyone read what I have to say?
What do I have to say?
Right?"

Wrong.

Write.

Write now.
Write long and hard
Think less about the effects
Talk less, walk more
Think more while you walk
Write more than you might
Talk only once it's written
And in the end
You may have penned
A book.

Look, it's not so much more difficult than that
And yes, there could then follow the drawn out process
Of approaching and preparing
Of reproaches and the potential for disparaging comments
No-one will understand you
Or your highly sensitive self.
It will all feel so much like too much
Until you're suddenly quite sure
Authordom is not for you
And you'll turn to leave
By the door which you hesitated to come in by

Shy and disbelieving
Except in your failings and faults
It's a shame you hadn't realised sooner, you think,
That your future as a checkout assistant
Was much more in-line with your ability
And in actual fact you could be
Much more happy
With a simple life -
Why! You'll be a wife!
And have kids and do dishes
And there'll be no more wishes
For fulfilling dreams and desires
At last, you will sigh with relief,
The future's set out
You can hang up your hat
Without too many hang-ups.

You're smiling inside at the thought
Of the life you'll lead almost entirely
In a cottage by the sea
Apron on, looking out of the window
At chickens and hills and the sky;
You'll be happiest baking a cake
Kids roaming free
Dogs by the fire
Husband a farmer (or maybe an artist?)
You'll start making a plan of your kitchen

When....
Mid-turn from the door
The miracle you wanted will occur
And you'll find yourself
3 months down the line
Feeling fine and confident
Hardback in hand
Almost unable to understand
What you were so worried about
Not a doubt in your mind any more
Sure you're sure!
What could be any clearer?
It's obvious all will be well
Can't you tell?

Then they'll ask you the question you'd love to avoid
'Any plans for another?'
And your stomach will leap through your mouth
Land on their paper-backed table
Leave you unable to breathe
Let alone speak
Weakly you'll smile
Wondering
While eyes search your face for an answer
How to place yourself back at the start
Of this endless adventure
With linguistic art

It will always begin again
Every success is impending return
To an uncertain situ
That will sit you back down
With a full head of nothing
And a full empty page
Of promises wishing to be filled
With the words that you feel
You've been told to say
That won’t go away