You cannot frighten me
(A demon that had dimmed)
I am not scared of you
(Awakens every time I encounter you)
In spite of your spite
(Reminds me that a rest)
Your venom, your vitriol
(Is not as good as a change)

You are not the monster
(I am undone in your company)
We make you out to be
(Everything I want to be)
Screaming, thrashing
(Lies patiently at my side)
Lashing out
(As my past unfurls ahead of me)

Re-hashing conversations
(‘I thought....you’d gone?’ I whisper, pleadingly)
Re-presenting words in new ways
(‘Not yet’, you stretch, luxuriously)
Our days are difficult with you
(‘There’s more here to be done.’)
But what are they compared to yours?
(I sigh. It’s not a huge surprise)

Fighting everyone to be right
(I’m twenty-nine, not twenty know-it-all)
Your actions drown out everyone
(There’s still a lot to learn, un-do)
Even your words are lost
(And always will be...)
In the wake of your fury
(Do you see?)

You’re fooling no-one but your own
(You cannot frighten me)
And not for long
(No-one scares me more than myself)

I should have told you that I love you when you told me
I should have held you closer, trusted us and given myself freely
It's what you were looking for

I let you go when I should have let you know
That you are everything to me
My heart and soul are wrapped up in you

Your touch burnt my skin, reached deeper than anyone before you
And now my tears burn my face, dripping hot onto the place
Where my heart once was

I hold it in my hand now
A lead weight
Aching from the absence of you

You are here but you are gone

I am everything and nothing without you

I am all there is and you are all I think about
And now the tears scorch my lips
Where you never were

And you go on

I hear you everywhere
I see you everywhere and nowhere
And now I'm not sure I even see you

All I see is my pain, dancing on hot coals
Filled with light and passion
And dancing without my memory

Will I ever get the chance again?
When you ask me what I want from you, will I tell you
That I have all I need when I'm in your arms
Your company
Your life?

Will you ever ask again?
How could I have let you go?
How do I put light back in my eyes and let you see your reflection in them?

How could you do this?

Don't leave me
The world is too hot and too cold without you and the wrong people sing my name
And my heart is breaking

I love you and I'm so sorry

I should have told you

No I
No Me
No Mine?
No problem

It all makes so much sense
In a meditation hall

No Music
No Mouth
No Mindlessness

Life’s a breeze
At the end of your nose

Then you leave
And life eases you in gently
It’s good to be at home

Alive

No Lie
No Meat
No Alcohol

No Drugs
No Stealing
Morality is the new rock’n’roll

Equanimity will wake you up
And help you sleep
Ignorance is no more answer

The knowing tugs at you
Won’t let you be
There are things to do
That can’t be un-done

And things to be
That cannot be done
That can only be done by being

It won’t go away

Every time you look
In the opposite direction
The mirror gets bigger

Until eventually
You always see it
Even when your eyes are shut

I endeavour to shut my eyes more
But only so that I can see

Slumbering
Zzzzz
A mis-shaped face gapes open at the mouth
Wakes slowly with one eye shut
And re-arranges its pace to form a unified
Front

Drool dangles
Drips lip to chin
Slurps back in where it belongs
Slides along a tongue and is swallowed
Hole

Nose niggles
Twitches
Bewitches the brain with imagined insects
Landing, lounging
Creeping up cavernous
Nostril nooks

Dream steps
Missed
Falling face-down onto metaphorical foreheads
While lying flat-backed
On the bed

Dozing drowsily
Napping
Not quite awake nor asleep
Quite aware
Neither here
Almost there

All most easy

Get it, India head
This is no bed of roses
Poses in prime positions
Are sublime repetitions
Of what has gone
Before

Karma comes knocking
Knowing
Falling flat on your face
Bindis race
First fast then erased
From your forehead
Forever more

Rickshaws run a mockery
Round rubbled ruins
Of modern mishapes
Monarchy's mistakes, perhaps
Perfect pictures of
Predictable
Misadventures

What everyone tells you
Pre plane departure
Setting one belief in front of another
One foot behind
Is what it does
To your stomach
Shaking heads full of
Heavy sighs

Cares to be taken
Clothes to be carried in case
For climactic changes
Of course
What to withstand
Understand
Undertake
When to be undeterred

When to stand your ground
Back down, barter
Bask
Busk your way through town
What to battle over
Where to bathe and how
When to show the colour
Of your mother's money

How to save a dollar
Raise a rupee
Meditate on more that
You could Be
Do the deed
Be caught in times of need
Phone home and find
No-one waiting for your call

All of this and more
You carry on your back
A rucksack full of love and
Missed kisses
But - the greatest part of this is
What no-one tells you -
What it does
To your heart

What you find
When your mind adjusts
And your eyes unwind
And great gusts of understanding blow you free
When you hand over the key
To your list of demands
And give in
To the easy unplanned

Exploring
Imploring looks
Hook your sympathy
Bait you easily at first
The worst
Are always
The kids
Thing is, how could you deny them?

Soon enough
Is enough
“Sister!”
“Look mister, I ain't no fool
And I ain't a millionaire either -
Leave her alone and go home.”
Thing is, how could you feed them all?

You triumph on trains
Blaspheme the buses
The driver's on drugs
Or a suicide trip
You skip rice-based breakfasts
For weeks
Seek out cereals then
Suddenly...you don't

Chinking chai glasses
Chomping on chocolate
A lot
More than most
Coasting roads
Filled with cows
On a scooter scuffed with sand
And stuffed to bursting point

Dogs with holes in
Infecting imaginations
Over masala dosa
Noses signalling distaste
This taste?
Hmm, tamarind - trees?
Try over there
Between the neem and the new banana circle...

Too many memories to mention
There's always one question
When you return to the beginning
Grinning, they ask
How was it?
But how can you say
It was everything
You've never seen
?

India
Get it?
INDIA!!
Get it India
But be warned...
You may never
Get her
Out-ia
Head

I'm grieving your loss
I'm mourning your choice
I'm hurting for you in my arms
But not in my heart

My heart has found spring
And is waiting for me
To catch up

I know me too well
Your comfort distracts me
I seek it to see me
Less clearly

Your hands pull me in
To embrace
And invisible tears soak my cheeks

If I love you was never an option
Then how is goodbye?

Feeling clever and calm
I breathe in
Easily

And until you next greet me
I'll know
What I know

Hello
I love you
Goodbye

And then.......

An arrival distracts me
Dances in my mind
118 118
Gets my number

Got my attention
Into a spin
Along with my legs

Let's get along
Get to know
Get out of this place
And into our space

Impatient
Channelling energy
Into unmentionables
Choosing to focus on not-you

Attached to detachment
Amassing beliefs
Between birthdays

I believe
In that
Which I know not

The latest learning
To linger on my lips
In my head

As the music rises
I slip out of the room
And into a quiet
Reflection

I have high hopes
For you
And I

I am high
With hope
And believing

Goodbye
I love you
Hello

If you're thinking
That I
Have an inkling
Of an idea

I have not

I have got
An eye for detail
I can only hope
My sense of purpose
Will prevail
But to what end?

I can only pretend
To make out
That it's no mystery

All the while unravelling
The lessons of my history
Minute
By minute minute

Second looks lost
The first glance meaning
Seemingly simple interactions
Became clearer
Without the emotional distractions
Of the moment

And now I see
The Universe sent me
Every opportunity
To be attached
Un-free
Sans liberty
And I chose
Me

Later regrets
Serve no purpose
Other than to stifle happiness
Keep a foot in the past
Force a furrow
Into an otherwise
Frown-free
Forehead

So, to bed
My steady stream
Of doubts
Dream
Of what could be
But by morning
Let the moment
Make itself known
And more
Than a missed
Mister