Towers as high as the clouds themselves up in the blue sky
a penthouse pool with lounge chairs and nothing to do but lie
where my wife is wearing an itsy bitsy bikini
and my baby son near by with his swim shorts to teny

I now stand at the penthouse pool trying hard to amend
for it is not the beginning of my life but the end
not sure if i have to make amends with myself or god
I look over the fall toward my plummeting death and nod

forty-two days earlier I look at the same broad view
I feel my wife’s penetrating stare sending a cue
turning around to face her my heart breaks a little more
her smile and wink allure make it crucial not to show my deceptive core

what my mind thinks is the present was truly 13 milliseconds ago
so that is 13 milliseconds less to live and go
I wish to be saved although I can only save myself
but once again I put the idea back on the shelf

my son’s screeching about cold pool water brings me shivers
through my mind my horrible memories rush like rivers
guilt needs to be handed off for promises to be kept
and I now fear my lovely family is in harsh debt

off balance in mind body and spirit I take a breath
one small step more toward the edge and death
the wind and my set mind both blowing hypnotically
thoughts and expressions sorting themselves methodically

I go and plant one on my wife’s conspicuous red lips
and take pride in my son that she holds at her curvy hips
I revel in my life that is picture perfect right now
and feel a deep commitment to my marriage and its vow


yonder the buildings I overlook is someone like me
and I wonder does she or he also yearn to be free
free from the ball and chain of life’s pain wrapped around their soul
unbound from guilt of a mistake that has taken its toll

christmas came with great joy and gifts wrapped beneath the bright tree
there was such excitement in giving for my wife and me
there is nothing that gives parents a bigger sense of joy
than to watch the face of their tricycle riding cute boy

I take a step back thinking of my wife’s warm white smile
another forward after thinking of my son’s trial
I deserve to pay the price for my unspeakable crime
and my great pain will soon be gone in a matter of time

The sun was hot, the weather perfect that day in July
No one would know that it was then that my young son would die
An important meeting, a car and a rush to get out
It was my fault I did not see him there biking about

I can no longer see myself in the eyes of my spouse
she tries to forgive me but only sees me as a louse
or maybe the reality is she tries to be kind
and the blame I feel coming from her is all in my mind

the decision is made and only has to be fulfilled
losing my stable ground I choose to lean in and be killed
stomach dropping and my great life flashing before my eyes
I instantly regret falling into the black-blue skies