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A dull pain
Zoe May 2013
A dull pain
My heart aches, from time to time,
When I think of all that's been left behind.

How I wish I could go back,
To retrieve the things that I now lack.

Is it just me who feels this way?
I feel there's so much left to say.

At least I have memories, with those I'll never part,
Holding them deeply, deeply within my heart.
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Baggage claim
Zoe Feb 2013
Baggage claim
who would willingly choose me?
who would willingly ever want me and my baggage?
i'm the girl you're warned about.
the sweet and innocent,
yet dark and ******* crazy.

who will love me as i am?
who could ever want to?
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burn
Zoe Apr 2013
burn
i wonder why i do this to myself,
make it seem like it could be.
i find myself falling for every man i see.
what makes me think you'd want me,
the way that i want you.
i always overanalyze every little thing you do.
maybe one day it will happen,
my desire will be retuned.
until that day however,
i'll continue to feel burned.
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Confusion
Zoe Dec 2012
Confusion
Confusion surrounds me like a blanket,
how did I get here?
what have I done?
who have I become?
I am not who I thought I would be.
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Control
Zoe Dec 2012
Control
one more bite, i say
wait for the people around me
to stop watching
so that i can feel comfortable
so that i can be free
so that i can eat

it is a sad thing
when food is your enemy
when you can't stop
when you're afraid
of the very thing that
keeps you alive

i wish  
that i would change
that i would control myself

i do not know why
i am the way i am
i hope that one day
i find the answers

i hope that one day
i am at peace
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Desperation takes its toll
Zoe Jan 2013
Desperation takes its toll
I feel like
such an idiot
The constant battle

Someone gives
An inch
I take
a mile

I long to be
Close to someone
At any cost

Constantly
Foolish
Unsure

Desperate
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Empty
Zoe Feb 2013
Empty
Head heavy,
Heart sinking,
Eyes brimming with unwelcome tears;
So many emotions I can't seem to feel.  
How long will it last this time,
This emptiness?
Nothing changes,
Nothing helps.
When will I be free?
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Flee
Zoe Jan 2013
Flee
It's happening again
This sadness I can't explain

I don't know what to do
I don't know what I want

That's normal, people say
I am so scared
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Happiness
Zoe Jan 2013
Happiness
What is happiness?
Will i find it?
How? When?

Is it a matter of another 50 mg?
Is it a chemical imbalance,
or a subconscious choice i make?

Pleading for my existence to end,
It is selfish and yet...

Are we really in control of our own happiness?
I don't think i am.

Then again, i don't know what i think.
But i think i want happiness
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Lessons my parents taught me
Zoe Dec 2012
Lessons my parents taught me
What if he:
hits
cheats
drinks
screams
destroys

What if I:
accept
stay

What if we:
become them
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Room of Loneliness
Zoe Mar 2013
Room of Loneliness
Once again I enter the ever familiar room of loneliness
Once again I am consumed with utter unhappiness.
This place is like a jail.
Hours pass without seeing sunlight,
without venturing outside.

People so consumed with gossip,
one never knows who is the adversary,
and who is the confidant.
This is not what I anticipated,
not what I thought this chapter would bring.

I wish I could find comfort here,
find friendship,
find love.
And yet,
all I have found,
is loneliness.
Continue reading...
spit on a stranger
Zoe Jan 2013
spit on a stranger
what am i doing?
how does it always get this far?
why am i here waiting for you?

jumping at the chance to have you
even if only for a moment
before you get up and walk out
like all of the times before
and all of the times to come

how can i expect you to respect me

when
    i
      can't
         even
             respect
                 myself
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The lucky one
Zoe Dec 2012
The lucky one
You're the lucky one in this situation,
You have you cake and eat it too.
Three years with someone,
Someone else.
Who am I to ruin it.
I can't do this anymore.
This has to stop.

I can't.
Continue reading...
Tonight
Zoe Feb 2013
Tonight
Tonight my cheeks hurt from smiling
Tonight I let my guard down
Tonight I shared a part of myself
Tonight I felt good about myself
Tonight I actually believed him
when he said I was amazing
and wonderful
and interesting
Tonight I hope that I feel this good tomorrow
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Unadulterated Loathing
Zoe Jul 2013
Unadulterated Loathing
I honestly think I hate everyone around me.

It is  also possible I hate myself.
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Untitled
Zoe Dec 2012
Untitled
it's the same every time.
a knock at the door
awkward conversation
passion
you leave


i am empty.
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Untitled
Zoe Jul 2013
Untitled
Tick, tick, tick
Goes the bomb that is my mind-my soul.
It seems no matter what I do, that noise follows.

Tick, tick, tick
And with that noise come
the thoughts-the feelings.
The feelings that I can never quite shake
The thoughts that I can never quite silence.

Tick, tick, tick
If one more person attacks me for my beliefs
If one more person fails to respect me as another human being,

I think I will explode.
Continue reading...

— The End —