Zoe: Poems

925 · Dec 2012

Confusion

Zoe Dec 2012

Confusion surrounds me like a blanket,
how did I get here?
what have I done?
who have I become?
I am not who I thought I would be.

677 · Feb 2013

Baggage claim

Zoe Feb 2013

Baggage claim

who would willingly choose me?
who would willingly ever want me and my baggage?
i'm the girl you're warned about.
the sweet and innocent,
yet dark and ******* crazy.

who will love me as i am?
who could ever want to?

530 · Mar 2013

Room of Loneliness

Zoe Mar 2013

Room of Loneliness

Once again I enter the ever familiar room of loneliness
Once again I am consumed with utter unhappiness.
This place is like a jail.
Hours pass without seeing sunlight,
without venturing outside.

People so consumed with gossip,
one never knows who is the adversary,
and who is the confidant.
This is not what I anticipated,
not what I thought this chapter would bring.

I wish I could find comfort here,
find friendship,
find love.
And yet,
all I have found,
is loneliness.

493 · Jan 2013

Happiness

Zoe Jan 2013

Happiness

What is happiness?
Will i find it?
How? When?

Is it a matter of another 50 mg?
Is it a chemical imbalance,
or a subconscious choice i make?

Pleading for my existence to end,
It is selfish and yet...

Are we really in control of our own happiness?
I don't think i am.

Then again, i don't know what i think.
But i think i want happiness

489 · Feb 2013

Tonight

Zoe Feb 2013

Tonight

Tonight my cheeks hurt from smiling
Tonight I let my guard down
Tonight I shared a part of myself
Tonight I felt good about myself
Tonight I actually believed him
when he said I was amazing
and wonderful
and interesting
Tonight I hope that I feel this good tomorrow

478 · Feb 2013

Empty

Zoe Feb 2013

Empty

Head heavy,
Heart sinking,
Eyes brimming with unwelcome tears;
So many emotions I can't seem to feel.
How long will it last this time,
This emptiness?
Nothing changes,
Nothing helps.
When will I be free?

456 · Dec 2012

The lucky one

Zoe Dec 2012

The lucky one

You're the lucky one in this situation,
You have you cake and eat it too.
Three years with someone,
Someone else.
Who am I to ruin it.
I can't do this anymore.
This has to stop.

I can't.

453 · Jan 2013

Desperation takes its toll

Zoe Jan 2013

Desperation takes its toll

I feel like
such an idiot
The constant battle

Someone gives
An inch
I take
a mile

I long to be
Close to someone
At any cost

Constantly
Foolish
Unsure

Desperate

450 · Jul 2013

Unadulterated Loathing

Zoe Jul 2013

Unadulterated Loathing

I honestly think I hate everyone around me.

It is also possible I hate myself.

417 · Jul 2013

Untitled

Zoe Jul 2013

Untitled

Tick, tick, tick
Goes the bomb that is my mind-my soul.
It seems no matter what I do, that noise follows.

Tick, tick, tick
And with that noise come
the thoughts-the feelings.
The feelings that I can never quite shake
The thoughts that I can never quite silence.

Tick, tick, tick
If one more person attacks me for my beliefs
If one more person fails to respect me as another human being,

I think I will explode.

366 · Dec 2012

Lessons my parents taught me

Zoe Dec 2012

Lessons my parents taught me

What if he:
hits
cheats
drinks
screams
destroys

What if I:
accept
stay

What if we:
become them

366 · May 2013

A dull pain

Zoe May 2013

A dull pain

My heart aches, from time to time,
When I think of all that's been left behind.

How I wish I could go back,
To retrieve the things that I now lack.

Is it just me who feels this way?
I feel there's so much left to say.

At least I have memories, with those I'll never part,
Holding them deeply, deeply within my heart.

365 · Apr 2013

burn

Zoe Apr 2013

burn

i wonder why i do this to myself,
make it seem like it could be.
i find myself falling for every man i see.
what makes me think you'd want me,
the way that i want you.
i always overanalyze every little thing you do.
maybe one day it will happen,
my desire will be retuned.
until that day however,
i'll continue to feel burned.

347 · Jan 2013

spit on a stranger

Zoe Jan 2013

spit on a stranger

what am i doing?
how does it always get this far?
why am i here waiting for you?

jumping at the chance to have you
even if only for a moment
before you get up and walk out
like all of the times before
and all of the times to come

how can i expect you to respect me

when
    i
      can't
         even
             respect
                 myself

337 · Jan 2013

Flee

Zoe Jan 2013

Flee

It's happening again
This sadness I can't explain

I don't know what to do
I don't know what I want

That's normal, people say
I am so scared

334 · Dec 2012

Control

Zoe Dec 2012

Control

one more bite, i say
wait for the people around me
to stop watching
so that i can feel comfortable
so that i can be free
so that i can eat

it is a sad thing
when food is your enemy
when you can't stop
when you're afraid
of the very thing that
keeps you alive

i wish
that i would change
that i would control myself

i do not know why
i am the way i am
i hope that one day
i find the answers

i hope that one day
i am at peace

314 · Dec 2012

Untitled

Zoe Dec 2012

Untitled

it's the same every time.
a knock at the door
awkward conversation
passion
you leave

i am empty.

— The End —