Tonight my cheeks hurt from smiling
Tonight I let my guard down
Tonight I shared a part of myself
Tonight I felt good about myself
Tonight I actually believed him
when he said I was amazing
and wonderful
and interesting
Tonight I hope that I feel this good tomorrow

what am i doing?
how does it always get this far?
why am i here waiting for you?

jumping at the chance to have you
even if only for a moment
before you get up and walk out
like all of the times before
and all of the times to come

how can i expect you to respect me

when
    i
      can't
         even
             respect
                 myself

I feel like
such an idiot
The constant battle

Someone gives
An inch
I take
a mile

I long to be
Close to someone
At any cost

Constantly
Foolish
Unsure

Desperate

It's happening again
This sadness I can't explain

I don't know what to do
I don't know what I want

That's normal, people say
I am so scared

one more bite, i say
wait for the people around me
to stop watching
so that i can feel comfortable
so that i can be free
so that i can eat

it is a sad thing
when food is your enemy
when you can't stop
when you're afraid
of the very thing that
keeps you alive

i wish  
that i would change
that i would control myself

i do not know why
i am the way i am
i hope that one day
i find the answers

i hope that one day
i am at peace

What if he:
hits
cheats
drinks
screams
destroys

What if I:
accept
stay

What if we:
become them