I'm tired of writing letters
I'll never send
expecting they'll give me clarity
but leading me to a dead-end

J'ai fatigue de lui
is how you say it in French
it's not a language you understand
so I'll say this instead:
Estoy cansada de ti
I'm tired of you
and of the energy you bring

I'll write my poems about you
in old notebooks
I'll use the pages to write letters
I'll burn
but you'll never get

Actions speak louder than words
Actions speak louder than apologies

Staying silent is an action
and it speaks louder than your words ever will

Leaving is an action
and is more sincere than your apologies ever will be

I have the idea that if I write about you
like I have nothing else to write about,

the universe will bring us one step closer

Truth is
I still do
I still think about you
Like an itch I can’t reach
But there’s nothing there
I don’t know why
I think about you
I’ve accepted
No loss
No win
I’ll tell myself to stop
You’ll never know
Because the one you think about
Isn’t me

My back is straight
shoulders back
chin up
but my gaze looks down
I don't owe anyone
but to myself

goodness
for a split second
it felt so genuine
a fraction of it so sincere  

You can't say you got to know me
I can't say I got to know you

this is my attempt to let go
of something that feels incomplete
because wanted boys don't want you
or is that only what I think?

When I hear a song
That reminds me of you,
It becomes my favorite

me?
liking you?
what makes you think that?
the playlist I made about you?
the smile that appears on my face at the thought of you?
the eyes I only have for you?
the way I had to play it off when you liked someone else?
the way my heart skips a beat when I see you?
the way my face turns red when I'm near you?
the way I had to accept you didn't reach back?

me?
like you?
what makes you think that?

when I said
I doubt you'd come back
I didn't think it would be true

people like you
don't come back
you probably think that about me too

but what is it that I miss?
your ignorant bliss
the way you would brag
about how you would kiss
the opposite of me

have the audacity
to say we would play by my rules
have the audacity
to say you would do anything for me

but what more can I expect
I knew
that people like you
don't come back

Just because he's good-looking
doesn't mean he belongs in your life

Just because he's handsome
doesn't mean he's yours

Just because his looks blow you away
doesn't mean that he wants you too

Just because he says nice things
doesn't mean he means them

I think about that a lot
just because I hope it's not true

Crazy to think that one minute
you're just her brother
the one you sometimes see around
don't know your name
never spoken a word
and in the next
you're someone I imagine myself with

Saturn and Venus
miles away
loyalty remains
She has a dream
He has her ring
Saturn gifts her the reflection of the moons
Venus gifts him the warmth of the sun

spoiled in silver
golden skin

Saturn and Venus,
me and him

Sitting out on the bench
second option, always the best
Haunted before the 31st,
ghosted before revelation

An epiphany of love
or maybe you're just lonely
sit me on the bench
but I can't sit forever

You could come back
but will I be there ?
why do I keep waiting for a yes
from a person who acts like a no?

Breadcrumbs or lunch
out on the bench
sitting with the ghost
of who we could've been

repetitive
repetitive
repetitive
repetitive
repetitive repetition is what I've felt for a year
you never changed even after 365 days
always the same situations
always the same pattern
always the same problems
always
the
same
words

maybe I'm repetitive too
I give you more chances than I should
and I know you won't use them as you say you will
always my same mistake

I remember
talking about you late at night
talking about how I felt you were different
how good looking you are
the way I would love to have you
and for you to have me

I remember saying,
"Who knows, my true love might arrive in a year"
      "No! In a month"
            "In a week"
"in a minute."

and a minute later, your name flashed upon my screen

Look around me
it's no longer the same
Am I the one to shame

How does it feel
to have your future
your life
your dreams
shattered

and still have to put
a smile on your Face
while pretending
it's all the same