Maybe if I had gotten married yesterday
I would've been happier today

I can't gasp when I cry
mash of blades and words are stuck
halfway through my throat
cutting my ego with every breath

I don't want to hear what you say
so my ears ring and ring
tinnitus brings
and sort of
ignorance that can't compete

Frustrated sigh
thrown onto my watering eyes
sounds of rejection
clash with my infection

I call you again
hands shaking
mind pushing it's removable limit
measure the area under the graphs
of my heart rate

back again
to what wore me down
to the derivative of myself

Maybe if I stopped indulging
maybe if I stop being so gluttonous
with my own goals
we'd have more money
to buy more fruits for the bowl