our moods can not help but fluctuate
        dealing with a flawed state
            sometimes quite true
                     deep blue
                    then bright
                luminous white
         can take over our senses
leaving us with actually no defenses

I know what it is you did
you know what it is you hid

I've known your secrets all along
I know you think you've done no wrong

You insult me if you assume I'm naive
I'm quite shrewd you can believe

I don't plan to trespass  your cover
but you must realize I'm bound to hover

You've become so good at donning your mask
getting you to surrender could be quite a task

Maybe now you'll think twice before you offend
being aware that I'll surely be there to contend

Storm clouds come rolling in
you feel electricity upon your skin
the sky darkens from the east
you anticipate the coming of the beast

Sudden flash of lightning strikes
again and again it does as it likes
nature in all its radiant glory
is living its moment in this days story

The fascinating wonder in a stormy sky
every head raised to catch with the eye
that mystifying thrill of the lightning bolt
making humans as well as animals jolt

Hush, wait, there it comes, that clap of thunder
feeling as if the heavens have been torn asunder
that power which lingers in the air
nothing of mans making will ever compare

The heart gets too much credit
dubbed the "seat of affections"
but tis so prone to personal persuasions

When in reality the heart
doesn't do any "feeling" at all
its the brain that makes that call

Love is actually located where
pleasure meets association
in a harmonic progression

"Heartache" is really caused
by the sadness and sorrow
of the fact we can't see tomorrow

"Heartbreak" is when our grief
causes a distressful torment
and we woe in those moments

People are deceived about
the function of the heart
it's just the body's most vital part

a kiss to the dead
is all we can give ourselves
our way to heal pain
that last touch of skin so dear
one moment of purity

I live within your walls
I leave behind my soul
The very air you breathe
is filled with my essence
You'll find my scent
on your pillows
You'll find my spirit
in your sheets

Why do his words
batter my spirit so
why don't I guard
my senses against his roar

These sentimental emotions
which I hide myself behind
yet still his actions will
keep assaulting my mind

A dark cluttered sky
always entered with him
I often wondered why
my smile would fade dim

As the look in his eyes
would ****** my soul
leaving me broken
in a deep black hole

as she closes the door
she leaves behind a lover
she moves through her day
as regularly as possible
can others see a difference
as she is forever changed
unfaithful....adulterer
she'll wear a lasting stain

how could this be true
how could this be so good
how can she continue
and how can she not
but this had ended already
before it got its start
never was a future there
just a connection
indescribably  rare

As I sit and sip my tea
looking out at this wet day
I'm wondering how I'll find my way

Rain falls so effortlessly
my head as cloudy as the sky
thoughts blurred behind anxious eyes

I'm all locked up in fear
will I ever become able
to live my life free and stable

My teapot empty now
the sky a clear sunny blue
I think my hope has been renewed

My head clear from all my doubt
the glories of a rainy day
seem to take my blue funk mood away

what is it you thought
do you think it's what you ought
what is it you sought
can comfort really be bought
who is it you fought
is there relief when you're caught
who is it you taught
is there reasoning in the plot
and when you are without
are there feelings of doubt
or do your instincts help you out

He sits in the corner
I know he is there
without even looking,
he's always there:
when I come, when I go
in the light, in the dark
in the day, in the night
if I am alone or if in company
I've asked him to be quiet
"PLEASE" I've begged
if just only whilst I sleep
He admits he's just unable to
as I must understand
he will always be present
as long as I am

I envy the gypsy
as his roots spread
far and wide and free
never to be
a tangled mess of
overgrown cross-sections
of ruin and decay
Drifting about
from one experience
to his next
seeing the world
with all its unrefined turf

I envy the gypsy
as he strolls and roams
as he reads the wind
the rhythm of nature
his constant companion
A changing season
he will greet
with a welcoming grin
as he rambles on
back down the
road off again

I covet the gypsy
his wandering style
to just pick up and go
the smell of rain
urging him onward
capturing his attentions
causing his decree
No need of possessions
he owns what he knows
a spirit carefree
with such forever to grow

I got burned
maybe it was my turn
my life had run so simple
with barely a dimple
I trust too much
maybe I'm out of touch
I am just too kind
perhaps a bit blind
I had to realize
people marginalize
I must accept
there is always debt
no matter the cause
I'll give myself pause
still I will be gracious
others might be mendacious
but I must not falter
nor alter my character
I shall stay who I am
I shall love who I am

the taste of knowledge
like a deep dark chocolate
leaving a silky
philosophy to caress
the inner depths of reason

what is it about a scent
that can knock us off our feet
or can raise our body heat

the smell of a lover's skin
seduces us so deep
then comforts us to sleep

today
was so brutal
the world exploded blood
body parts in the flood
hope is lethal
let's pray

tonight
there was no moon
dark skies will seal the doom
such waste seen in the gloom
"will this pass soon"
he writes

maybe
come tomorrow
there won't be any hate
or a world, at this rate
too much sorrow
let's plea

every minute
I waste
every hour
I consider
      &
still you're
not here
every day
you make
me wait
each month
I reexamine
your hold
each year
I need to
wander
how much
can I take
something
just has to
break

The way I feel
I can not define
I don't want to
analyze or judge
I don't wish to
spurn nor slight
these feelings,
these pleasures
I've come to
rely on them
to count them
my delights--
our passions
emotions shared

So I'll just feel;
welcome and accept
permit and give
with my heart open
with my  soul willing

It's a shame
we didn't meet before

It's a shame
we neither one is free

It's a shame
we can't
respond outwardly
to what we
desire inwardly

It's a shame
I'll never be able
to forget
our moments
together

demand obedience
of me whilst my
adoration
showers over you

devour my soul
with your longing
while I smother
your spirit

destroy my trust
with your silence
then I'll slaughter
your heart
with my touch

I am daring you
to ignore me

a statue with no head
a woman with no voice
both ogled after
both wondered of

one is insignificant
one made invalid
both remain silent
both testifications
......of bigotry

both holding the powers
......of humanity
......of hatred
......of censure
both holding back
the crowds
with their consequences

why should you have doubt
that's like a deep dark black hole
there is no known end
when you question you will lose
that battle just can't be won

all I thought was "HUH"
my reaction to his rant
"HUH" was all I said
then I turned and walked away
I chose to end it with grace

If I can
quench
my thirst
and
at the same
moment
cure
my ailment;
should I
not then
drink
of the
divine
concoction
of this
love potion
that I have
discovered

don't vow anything
promises most always fail
we make oaths and swear
then you throw life in the mix
and our words tumble and fall

come on..
kiss me from head to toe
lick me about to and fro

come..
touch me here and there
let your hands roam anywhere

now..
flip me over when we're done
get ready to hit another run

then..
lay beside me through the night
arm around me..pull me in tight

His love is dangerous
of this I am well aware
I will never feel secure

So if I know the risks
why do I keep returning
what is it I am seeking

My yielding to him
says much more about me
of that I absolutely agree

He's like a virus in my blood
hazardous to my soul
but still my only goal

Why should I want to hurt myself
can I really be so shameless
but his control over me seems endless

If I were to say no
would that start up another go
once again, another fight
we can't seem to make it right
We have words and how
so very often now
but can we carry on
every moment at full run
So then when you say
there's no other way
we are bound up tight
with no freedom in sight
What can I do now
forever baited by a vow
I don't think this is my dream
I'd rather live in radiances' gleam
I tell him we have grown apart
I'm rather mellow, while you're so ****
he takes that badly
commencing to mope about sadly
As if it's something untrue
sometimes I think he hasn't a clue
but I have to do what's best for me
hoping maybe he'll be able to see
That it will truly be good for us
we could separate with the least bit of fuss
he won't be humiliated with the shame
he really believes people will blame

I

each picture captures
that moment set in stillness
an image appears
now your senses will perceive
pulling reason from the ryhme

How do I figure out how to go
I need to just exit without the show

I want to run to something new
but how can I; when I feel dark and blue

I don't want to hurt anymore
of that one thing, I am for sure

I want a life that is quiet and facile
free from heartache, scorn and hassle

I want a future that bursts into song
I need the evenings to be daring and long

I'd like my days to explode with zest
my spirit to have been deeply caressed

This is all I want; it seems so simple
why do I find it is so unachievable

his words are my joy
his voice can calm me each time
his sins matter not
his eyes show me his goodness
so now even I am his

if but halfway in
in a sense still halfway out
and when halfway up
turn round and it's halfway down
being just part of a whole

let us steal the night
yet return our innocence
let us dream of peace
but fight to release the light
we contradict our own thoughts

don't let time trap you
fling off your woes for today
come and binge on life
go off on a spree of love
it's such a beautiful world

I am prone to chase the words
words that fill me with courage
courage to probe my feelings
feelings which lead me to peace
peace in my hunt for wisdom
wisdom to accept guidance
guidance from other seekers
seekers who see truth as grace
grace to be open and kind
kind in their pursuit of hope
hope in a future with faith
faith to explore their visions
visions which include freedom
freedom to be who they want
want liberty to be true
true to themselves and others
others will sense their candor
candor can open their hearts
hearts full of caution and need
need for happiness and love
love that can flow free and grow
grow bolder and healthier
healthier with no limits
limits waived to let in ease
ease to speak sad, bad or glad
glad for the attention paid
paid with interest rendered
rendered with care and silence
silence to own the moments
moments of brave and real words
words that play their part fully
fully fulfilling their aim
aim to relay ideas
ideas that add a depth
depth of spirit and purpose
purpose to convey knowledge
knowledge to fit in the scheme
scheme to spread peace,hope and truth
truth will overwhelm their souls
souls which want to sway and shout
shout out with passionate joy
joy that arrives with frankness
frankness that has radiance
radiance with daring flare
flare that will inspire sharing
sharing our every thought
thought thrown out to reach and teach
teach each other that words help
help to heal all that we feel

All worry evaporates
as I stand to pray
as I repeat this tranquility
throughout my day

I get those hushed moments
to be there with God alone
to express my gratitude
for all the happiness I own

So as I am surrounded
daily by my usual activity
I know my every night
will end in peace and serenity

The mind runs like a ferris wheel
with the heights you see what's real
turning round on round sets the seal

The body is made of priceless gold
it's value increases as we grow old
this magnificent system is so bold

And there the soul shall always dwell
living in and about and parallel
influencing all moral and emotional

madness has arrived
deadly infatuation
I know what this is
only foolish passion
but so worth my sanity

dominate me now
throw your power in my face
give me my command
please control my very breath
I'm your obedient slave

with our first meeting
came a wave of contention
I am in trouble
deep inside there's a battle
my past against my future

why make me want you
when it never was true
please explain yourself

why make me need you
why didn't I have a clue

why hurt me this way
you had no intention to stay
please tell me the reason

why tear my future apart
I have some blame, I let it start

why do you torture me
why is it I couldn't see
please what didn't I do

why are your words haunting
why is my heart still aching

sitting in the dark
my head full of words
words that weren't mine
words that weren't kind

can things end like that
what about our souls
is it impossible to be kind
even when another possesses my mind

guilt drums through me
but is it for him or
for me, and all the years
of constant flowing tears

so what do I do
when the dawn breaks
will I still be sitting here
or gone and over there

do I choose what makes me happy
or stay out of a sense of religious duty

Before I met him
I was sure I knew myself
Before I met him
I thought I knew what I needed
But he broke through
every preconceived notion
that I possessed
Before I used to know what was
good, true  & right
Now it doesn't matter about
the appearances--they can really
be way too deceiving
Before I lived a life
of uncertainty, monotony
& sheer loneliness
Living with an ache
for completeness
deep within my soul
His presence has brought me
peace, happiness & a sense
of belonging
Before I met him
I was ready to submit
to my destiny
I was prepared to take
what I had, accept my lot in life
But now, since I met him
I'm not so sure that
I want to give in,
I'm not so sure I
want to settle--
& live my life
as I had before.....

Why is it
that that box
I put away
under everything
is the only box
I seem to want
to look inside?

But I wrapped it up,
I taped it shut
I made sure it
was all inside;
every piece of
our time together,
bits of paper
with words written;
that were word he once spoke

I purged my soul
I scraped out my heart
I thought that would
take care of my agony
but sometimes it seems
the ache will never leave
the words come flooding
back til I think
I'll drown in them all

If I break the seal
on that box
I will only
persecute my soul,
torture my heart,
rip my life apart.
So why do I keep it?

Because the pain
held inside that box
was the sweetest
misery I've ever
experienced.
The most cherished
time I've spent
with abandonment

That is why
that box shall
remain put away
to be there forever
as my safeguard
of discretion,
my defense
of injustice

sometimes I wonder
where new words
will come from,
all the words juggle
for position in  my mind..
my thoughts grab onto a few,
puts them into an order
that might create sense;
perhaps they will succeed
or maybe I need to dig
a little bit deeper to
find that one perfect word,
that makes it fit together..
sometimes the words just
glide gracefully along with
a harmony of their own;
but at other times
it can be a
painstaking process that
can cause much agony,
until the right words are
pulled from my mind,
landing side by side
on my blank paper in
some mystifying fashion
that brings me
satisfaction

SHE
She's so tall, so fair
with gorgeous fine hair
her smile is quick, sweet and free
with lips made to please
kissing with such ease
her laughter will bring you glee

She's a green eyed lass
delicate as glass
precious from the start
she's been touched with grace
a cute, freckly face
and a pure forgiving heart

HE
He's tall with fine eyes
hands just the right size
he's very kind and thoughtful
he walks with head high
he talks with no lies
having a soul so peaceful

With eyes of deep brown
his smile calms you down
he was created to charm
using his sweet voice
he'll make the best choice
his motto "to never harm"

THEY
They met on a flight
attached at first sight
for hours they held their fortune
then the plane landed
so they were candid
caught up in their emotions

they were sure of this
they shared their first kiss
the next hours spent in rapture
now choices to make
wild chances to take
together is their future

I was just trying
to protect what I had;
So I said nothing!

I was determined to
remain blissfully happy;
So I said nothing!

I was inclined to
ignore our differences;
So I said nothing!

I was thriving on
our similar proclivities;
So I said nothing!

I was not ever going
to let him down;
So I said nothing!

I was, just this once
letting my heart lead;
So I said nothing!

So I said nothing!

In her vacant eyes
I finally see what was never there
that familiar indifferent stare
In her hollow talk
I now hear all the excuses so clear
the way she stays unaffected and bare

When I arrived in her life
her secrets were already made
over the years I've watched her fade
with here empty phrases
with never a promise laid
she's always hedged toward the shade

Wanting some truths; I asked
I found answers that day in the park
when I questioned her demeanor so stark
How much blame do I lay at her feet,
her experiences had left their mark
she can't see her way from the dark

We each have a vision of love
what we believe love looks like
whether it is white or red heat
that gets our hearts to beat

There is the fantasy which some hold
that love will arrive in a perfect package
this breaks every realm of reality
only happening in the depths of poetry

And illusions of happily ever after
disregard all of common sense
love is like a clear blue sky
which instantly can turn grey and smoky

If you find love grab hold of it
live in the happiness it brings
share yourself without restrictions
let your mind be free of expectations

The connection
to him is
broader than
I can fathom.
The connection
with him
can't be broken.
It's the
perfection of
two lost souls
looking for
each others fix.
Looking for
happiness.
Searching for
acceptance.
Our differences
secure the bond.
Our need of
one another
ties the knot.