dominate me now
throw your power in my face
give me my command
please control my very breath
I'm your obedient slave

with our first meeting
came a wave of contention
I am in trouble
deep inside there's a battle
my past against my future

why make me want you
when it never was true
please explain yourself

why make me need you
why didn't I have a clue

why hurt me this way
you had no intention to stay
please tell me the reason

why tear my future apart
I have some blame, I let it start

why do you torture me
why is it I couldn't see
please what didn't I do

why are your words haunting
why is my heart still aching

sitting in the dark
my head full of words
words that weren't mine
words that weren't kind

can things end like that
what about our souls
is it impossible to be kind
even when another possesses my mind

guilt drums through me
but is it for him or
for me, and all the years
of constant flowing tears

so what do I do
when the dawn breaks
will I still be sitting here
or gone and over there

do I choose what makes me happy
or stay out of a sense of religious duty

Before I met him
I was sure I knew myself
Before I met him
I thought I knew what I needed
But he broke through
every preconceived notion
that I possessed
Before I used to know what was
good, true  & right
Now it doesn't matter about
the appearances--they can really
be way too deceiving
Before I lived a life
of uncertainty, monotony
& sheer loneliness
Living with an ache
for completeness
deep within my soul
His presence has brought me
peace, happiness & a sense
of belonging
Before I met him
I was ready to submit
to my destiny
I was prepared to take
what I had, accept my lot in life
But now, since I met him
I'm not so sure that
I want to give in,
I'm not so sure I
want to settle--
& live my life
as I had before.....

Why is it
that that box
I put away
under everything
is the only box
I seem to want
to look inside?

But I wrapped it up,
I taped it shut
I made sure it
was all inside;
every piece of
our time together,
bits of paper
with words written;
that were word he once spoke

I purged my soul
I scraped out my heart
I thought that would
take care of my agony
but sometimes it seems
the ache will never leave
the words come flooding
back til I think
I'll drown in them all

If I break the seal
on that box
I will only
persecute my soul,
torture my heart,
rip my life apart.
So why do I keep it?

Because the pain
held inside that box
was the sweetest
misery I've ever
experienced.
The most cherished
time I've spent
with abandonment

That is why
that box shall
remain put away
to be there forever
as my safeguard
of discretion,
my defense
of injustice

sometimes I wonder
where new words
will come from,
all the words juggle
for position in  my mind..
my thoughts grab onto a few,
puts them into an order
that might create sense;
perhaps they will succeed
or maybe I need to dig
a little bit deeper to
find that one perfect word,
that makes it fit together..
sometimes the words just
glide gracefully along with
a harmony of their own;
but at other times
it can be a
painstaking process that
can cause much agony,
until the right words are
pulled from my mind,
landing side by side
on my blank paper in
some mystifying fashion
that brings me
satisfaction