sitting in the dark
my head full of words
words that weren't mine
words that weren't kind

can things end like that
what about our souls
is it impossible to be kind
even when another possesses my mind

guilt drums through me
but is it for him or
for me, and all the years
of constant flowing tears

so what do I do
when the dawn breaks
will I still be sitting here
or gone and over there

do I choose what makes me happy
or stay out of a sense of religious duty

Before I met him
I was sure I knew myself
Before I met him
I thought I knew what I needed
But he broke through
every preconceived notion
that I possessed
Before I used to know what was
good, true  & right
Now it doesn't matter about
the appearances--they can really
be way too deceiving
Before I lived a life
of uncertainty, monotony
& sheer loneliness
Living with an ache
for completeness
deep within my soul
His presence has brought me
peace, happiness & a sense
of belonging
Before I met him
I was ready to submit
to my destiny
I was prepared to take
what I had, accept my lot in life
But now, since I met him
I'm not so sure that
I want to give in,
I'm not so sure I
want to settle--
& live my life
as I had before.....

Why is it
that that box
I put away
under everything
is the only box
I seem to want
to look inside?

But I wrapped it up,
I taped it shut
I made sure it
was all inside;
every piece of
our time together,
bits of paper
with words written;
that were word he once spoke

I purged my soul
I scraped out my heart
I thought that would
take care of my agony
but sometimes it seems
the ache will never leave
the words come flooding
back til I think
I'll drown in them all

If I break the seal
on that box
I will only
persecute my soul,
torture my heart,
rip my life apart.
So why do I keep it?

Because the pain
held inside that box
was the sweetest
misery I've ever
experienced.
The most cherished
time I've spent
with abandonment

That is why
that box shall
remain put away
to be there forever
as my safeguard
of discretion,
my defense
of injustice

sometimes I wonder
where new words
will come from,
all the words juggle
for position in  my mind..
my thoughts grab onto a few,
puts them into an order
that might create sense;
perhaps they will succeed
or maybe I need to dig
a little bit deeper to
find that one perfect word,
that makes it fit together..
sometimes the words just
glide gracefully along with
a harmony of their own;
but at other times
it can be a
painstaking process that
can cause much agony,
until the right words are
pulled from my mind,
landing side by side
on my blank paper in
some mystifying fashion
that brings me
satisfaction

SHE
She's so tall, so fair
with gorgeous fine hair
her smile is quick, sweet and free
with lips made to please
kissing with such ease
her laughter will bring you glee

She's a green eyed lass
delicate as glass
precious from the start
she's been touched with grace
a cute, freckly face
and a pure forgiving heart

HE
He's tall with fine eyes
hands just the right size
he's very kind and thoughtful
he walks with head high
he talks with no lies
having a soul so peaceful

With eyes of deep brown
his smile calms you down
he was created to charm
using his sweet voice
he'll make the best choice
his motto "to never harm"

THEY
They met on a flight
attached at first sight
for hours they held their fortune
then the plane landed
so they were candid
caught up in their emotions

they were sure of this
they shared their first kiss
the next hours spent in rapture
now choices to make
wild chances to take
together is their future

I was just trying
to protect what I had;
So I said nothing!

I was determined to
remain blissfully happy;
So I said nothing!

I was inclined to
ignore our differences;
So I said nothing!

I was thriving on
our similar proclivities;
So I said nothing!

I was not ever going
to let him down;
So I said nothing!

I was, just this once
letting my heart lead;
So I said nothing!

So I said nothing!

In her vacant eyes
I finally see what was never there
that familiar indifferent stare
In her hollow talk
I now hear all the excuses so clear
the way she stays unaffected and bare

When I arrived in her life
her secrets were already made
over the years I've watched her fade
with here empty phrases
with never a promise laid
she's always hedged toward the shade

Wanting some truths; I asked
I found answers that day in the park
when I questioned her demeanor so stark
How much blame do I lay at her feet,
her experiences had left their mark
she can't see her way from the dark