what started out as
innocent, fun and delight,
as natural as breathing;
quickly turned to serious,
complicated and exquisite,
a mutual need being met;
leaving one wondering
if it was ever just
innocuous pleasure?

a dark night
that turned into
three days

at first the
sorrowful mind
its roaming maze

then came
the sad pitiful
crying phase

turning into
the grieving
silent grays

ending with a
succumbing sigh
into a dismal haze

How do you
choose
either one or
the other;
when neither
can save you,
why should
you bother.
Whether you
can wait
for another
that may be
in the future
farther,
would that
even matter?
Perhaps you
would rather
wither than
smother!!

You think you want to see
the who I am behind my veil
that truth is a long held tale
My reasons to cover and conceal
come from years of lonely pain
an ever present hidden strain
You think I should remove
my mask and reveal myself to you
as if it would be so easy to do
I step into my disguise
it's my choice and I choose to hide
should I be concerned with your pride
You think I need to trust you more
once before I let myself be free
and was exposed to doom and misery
If I mean anything to you
accept that I am the cloak in the crowd
allow me the security of my plain shroud

As I got deeper
and darker
into the game,
I found that
playing became
my one aim.

I love carrying
a destructive secret
around with me,
until I realized
I wasn't playing alone.
It can be deadly
to share such secrets.
That's a level
of trust that's
risky to give another!

BUT games
are meant to
have players!
So I hold my
skepticism at bay,
I will rely on
the other players
discretion, as I
know they are
depending on mine...

So I dive deeper,
I'll let it burn
darker.....
I'll let the secrets
edge their way
to the surface,
then bury them
again..... in
deception...

I will carry on
in the game
until I can't;
until the danger
is immediate and
I can find no way
of escaping....
BUT I shall
never resign.
I've sacrificed
so much,
there is too much
at stake to lose!

It seems I am condemned
to a doom of my own making
I should have stopped myself from falling

I'm guilty by default;
censured by society
criticized for said impropriety

I carry no defense for
my offense as charged;
so are they really a crime?

My mistake is my trusting
my own self-persuasions;
my personal convictions

My only shame is one
of self- blame for letting
sweetness become a game

Shouldn't my deceit
be judged by God alone;
only he decides whom to condone!

Her shoulders are broad
Her feet are wide
Her heart is where
I wish to reside

Her back is strong
Her hips are roomy
She's where I run to
When feeling gloomy

Her hair is coarse steel
Her hands large and rough
Her smile my beacon
Her laugh bold and gruff

Her height astounds me
Her love surrounds me
She's my one treasure
She'll be mine forever