I terrify myself
with my resentful
actions---
when did I become
so perfidious...
and the scariest part
is that  I don't
feel the guilt
I should---
or is that what
is alarming...

why should you have doubt
that's like a deep dark black hole
there is no known end
when you question you will lose
that battle just can't be won

Why is it
when we obey pain
it is seen as
heroic and the
normal order;
BUT
if we obey joy
we are considered
romantic and
naive

When actually
yielding to either
takes the same effort,
conforming our senses
to comply with
their interests;
reacting to our
bodies signals,
replying to our
bodies suggestions,
responding with
appropriate
service or distress

Our brain has
all authority,
controlling whether
agony or ecstasy
is the occupation
of this powerful
all important *****

all I thought was "HUH"
my reaction to his rant
"HUH" was all I said
then I turned and walked away
I chose to end it with grace

The obligation comes swiftly
back into my memory

No matter what excuse I make
there's a bond there I can not break

Freedom will become absent
where the promise of debt is present

The power of the pledge is mighty
even if only an assumed duty

Our conscience won't let us forget
we deny ourselves rather than forfeit

I wish for liberty, to rule my own day
but the recollections will always make me stay

a tale of wonder
told with charm and disguised grin
with dreamy delights
with fanciful affection
extravagantly detailed

a very dull ache
its almost not really there
then you remember
all the agony returns
then you must forget again