Please don't do this I dont need this mess,
Your starting trouble and i feel under duress,
I know I look the Geek I'm quiet and so easy to play,
But you just dont know its not always been this way.

It's a cliche I know but I aint right in the head,
For the most part I cant be taken as read,
I have run with gangs in third world hole's
Beaten bigger than you with far darker soul's

So before you get too froggy and decide to jump
Look past my smile at the ******* who will give you a thump
It's not like I want to but your making this hard
Now just walk away before I knock your teeth down your throat.
You ****.

I find it hard to sleep
I find it hard to eat
I find it hard to think
I find it hard to speak
I wonder is this love
Or the use of a Serotonin–norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor?

Hanging my innards on a tree Carrion hunters flying low
Branches look so smart with my intestines dangling
and no one seems to care about the pain I go through
to make this thing jolly by spearing my kidneys on a twig
no one even notices my liver dripping down the bough.
You don't stop and ask about the way my skin is blowing in the wind
you don't ask how I got my Heart so high that birds are nesting in it.
No one even comments on the bark smeared in marrow and blood and bile.
I only did it to make you smile and laugh, I only went to the trouble so you would notice me.
And did you?
NO
Ignorant *****

I look at you across this smoky room,
You are some one I just cant have ,
I wish i knew what enchanted me so,
I reel as I roll it in my mind.

After all theres the way you walk
the way you move
the way you sit
the way you stand
thers nothing more to say
But...

I love the way you speak
the way you smile
the way your eyes sparkle when you look my way
the way you make it known that you know you own me
theres nothing left to say
but...

I love the way slow anger burns inside you
the way you know your not perfect
the way you know you are perfect
the way you care so little
theres nothing left to say
but...

I love you

Oh I'm here again feeling's out of hand,
For my porcelain princess her beauty oh so grand.
It leaves my heart aching where she's taken a bite,
But She still doesn't want me it's just not right.

I see her and the moment is magic never bland,
Making my heartbeat like a drum in jazz-fusion band.
It gets my pulse racing like the start of a fight,
I wish this hold that she has just wasn't so tight.

I should have put it out but these flames I have now fanned,
And on my heart her name is burnt with love's Brand.
I should have done so much but I was never that bright,
And soon she will walk away far out of my sight

I've shipwrecked my soul in this confusing land,
Where I've decided my course drawn a line in the sand.
If I wait a while longer while we dance out the night
Maybe she will fall for me in the cool morning light

Such a charmer, quick witted and eloquent,
Handsome and tall, A friend to one a friend to all.
He whispers word's you want to hear,
Stands till you sit, pulls out your chair.
Everyone loves Him, oh what a card
His jokes call forth laughter his wit razor sharp.
Then he stands alone and is empty and dark
Raging at shadows and cursing his heart
So cold and empty He knows he's insane
This act makes him sick but he performs just the same.
If you could see Him now would you want him around?
Muttering and angry eyes fixed on the ground.
He knows He's a bargain two men in one
Half dark madness half bright like the Sun.
One wanting to love one wishing you dead
One confused heart.  One broken head.

Im shaking and weak,
My Face is numb I cant speak.
Still Youve gotta laugh.
Drinking Tea cos ***** makes me die,
When mate's ask I have to lie.
Still Youve gotta laugh.
In therapy for a life that knows how to ****
Oh and cos I was young when I learned to ****.
Still youve gotta laugh.
Doc says I'm gonna die before im fifty
So with my time I have to be thrifty.
Still Youve gotta laugh.
Wont ever settle down when push comes to shove,
It's not fair on any one for me to fall in love.
it's such a sick joke so why not ******* laugh?

I don't ride I walk along roads never lonely along paths always busy
Regrets for company all hopes are companions
nothing behind me a thousand miles ahead
My feet swollen My legs aching like hell
But the ground is as quicksand to stop is to disappear
A departure is irrelevant a destination  is still a dream
What thoughts I find on the path will nourish me
All plans push me forward
Over the next valley more adventures await
Around the next bend more Joys are skulking and bored
Just waiting for me to arrive.

My Uniform was all pomp and shine
Now it's reduced to rust and grime
The Duke wants another push up hill
Its not what I'm here for I came for the ****
Lost amongst 10'000 just a face in the crowd
I would shout and yell but I was never that loud
I try to laugh through it but I'm never more than half up
Never an optimist half filled is my cup
I try to persevere try not to frown
But we all know that when I'm down I'm down.

My dream's they rebel against me, they fill my sleeping hours with visions of you,
I nightly storm of hope that evaporates in the cold morning light leaving me as empty as the discarded whiskey bottle by my bed,
How cruel they are to place you in my arms when such things may never occur,
to place your body next to me to press your lips to mine.
These things I dream of in the day but to feel them as real as the warmth of the sun when I rest my weary bones is a sin I perpetrate upon myself without malice or forethought.
Why must I torture myself so when I have no hope that you would be mine.
Is this a punishment for living such a mundane life that could never entice you?
Is this karma returning my pain ten fold for so many wrongs against my
fellow man?
No matter though for when I sleep there you will be, I will feel your
warmth your breath your touch for a few fleeting hours when my soul will soar with joy and when the dawn breaks my slumber let the pain start afresh for such is my lot without you

Just another day
Soon they will find me out
Peering round curtains
Staring at nothing travellers
I take what is given to me

Pills like land mines
confusion in the dusk
So stupid in the morning
Bravery is way beyond
I take what is given to me

Still wanting you
Throwing poems at walls
Sew your heart shut
The medicine wont help
I take what is given to me

Porcelain insanity is still my love
Don't get what you want
Forget what I need
Get what your given
I take what is given to me

Once again she pushes away from me
How many more times will my heart still stand
This rejection of heart and soul laid bare before her
With word's spoken and written running hot to cold
Yet every day I am enchanted still by her eyes that burn away my lies
And a smile sat beautiful and perfect against pale skin
Oh what is to do when faced with such beauty?
When always I know I am but her plaything
And always I know that my poor heart will suffer her cruel changes

I sit here in fear I don't want to go back
But I know it wont be long as my brain is still cracked
Still jumping at shadows still hearing them talk
Still ignoring my bed still up with the lark
I don't want the medicine I can do with out chats
The friendly banter they peddle is frankly all crap
They know how I feel? They know it must hurt?
Keep taking or pills or take a nap in the dirt
I know it seems silly to moan about this
There is nothing I can do when senses are amiss
I just wish I could be normal no more trips to Hospital
and I know you don't care because to you it's all so trivial.

I dident give up, It went away, Away my Love on a winters day,

I waited so long but it stays at bay, Away my love on a spring day,

I need my Love back but I still hurt in may, Away my love on a summers day,

It's not coming back as days crumble like clay, Away my love on an Autumn Day.

I see a glimmer of hope as days turn to grey, Away my love on a winters day,

Ive poisened the well now I must pay and you will never return my love not on any day.

Just Three summers long
Every year it remains as strong
No closer to a third kiss
No tenderness to miss
Yet every day I love you just the same
I know If I admit it you would end the game
Lasting love is still so new to me
Other than you there is no one you see?
Violence and anger seem to disappear
Evil thoughts kept at bay when you are near
Under all my stoic smiles you know It's no Lie
I still believe Hope is the last thing to Die.

When first it comes it roars in your heart,
it dances through you and no
mighty deed may hold it back,
it sings a song of joy that lights the dark corners of your soul that adds new rhythms to your sombre life.
But when it goes it leaves a discord in you, life's beat is off and chords are missing
It's harmonies fade but a tune still remains, you learn new song's but the first melody stays true, it quietens but never goes away and in the darkness of the night when new tunes don't have the hook that you once knew you remember that roar and hope to dance to that song again