I am from family.
Mom, Dad, sister, dogs.
And a sister God forgot to add
To my blood family.
I am from words.
My own, scribbled on a loose-leaf page.
Others’, neatly bound together.
Some written and recited,
Some belonging to a friend, and me
Secrets and fights stored in a forgotten back drawer.
I am from a cul-de-sac.
A place where we fell and bruised ourselves.
A place where we did stupid things.
A place where childhood lived.
I am from silver and gold.
A cross that hangs around my neck-
If I remember.
Sometimes I forget,
And it takes a hand over a house to remind me.
I am from fire.
I am from the fear,
That only those who’ve sat in a Wal-Mart parking lot,
And heard the words
“Don’t go home,. It’s not going to be there.”
Can understand.
I am from what was supposed to be,
From what never happened.
From what wasn’t meant to be.
I am from warm quilts,
Bedtime hugs
And ‘I love you’s.
I am from a second family.
A family that does not share last names,
Homes,
Or DNA.
But we are a family nonetheless.
I am from workdays with Daddy.
I am from afternoons with Mom.
I am from words filled with venom,
Meant to annoy,
That we never even meant.
I am from good times.
I am from bad times.

I am from me.

Coming home drunk
(As I only rarely do)
One night, I heard a man
Talking to no one like a reliable friend,
Muttering about having his feelings hurt
And I knew who he was (or at least a kind of who:
Born with no opinions but strong opposition,
Always told, “Hey, you want a revolution?
Roll your own,” and laughed off,
Passed between people and ideas and loyalties
Like a stolen beer.)

I felt the need to be elsewhere, but the street
Dispassionately pressed him and me
Between two buildings.
I didn’t want to catch his eye,
But he caught mine,
I couldn’t look away from his face,
Twisting like he wanted to say
Something else, and then
There came a stillness.

I stared at him.
I’ll admit it, but
He was just so ragged and tough, like
A cardboard box
With bullets inside,
And okay, maybe I was a little scared.
(I was paralyzed, stuck in his eyes
Like the rooms of castles
Where no foot has tread,
Where ghosts sigh and whisper;
And outside there are signs
Saying “danger: do not climb
You will fall”)

Then something broke.
He looked away,
And whispered in a crumbling voice
“You are no one, I am alone,”
And then I knew he was.

Shivering in the cold, begging for escape;
My death has been arranged, and life has slipped away.

The hope that I once felt is hiding in the dark;
The prayers that I once held are frozen in my heart.

How can you ask me to sing a happy song?
You know not the pain I've endured for so long.

How can you ask me to look on the bright side?
My soul is lost in darkness, a starless night sky.
  In here there's no care
    for what's wrong and what's right
  My spirit laid bare,
    in here there's no light.

So I dance with the demons as they sing me to sleep,
And I wait for the angels to come rescue me.
  Yet over and over, they fail to arrive,
  And again I'm left wondering, Why even try?

But the pain is so great, the seclusion so final...
Wouldn't you hope for someone to rely on?

             *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Suddenly, I witness, at my soul's door
Something I never once noticed before.

A glimmer of light, so weak and so frail,
Finding it's way through a crack in this hell.

How can this be? I'd given up hope!
I'd just finished tying the noose in my rope!

But surely, I see it, a light drawing near,
Chasing away all the darkness I fear.

The cup of my spirit was emptied before,
But now it is filled with the light at the door.

How did this happen? What brought this on?
Where is the darkness now stolen by dawn?

Nothing you see in this world does exist --
The things that you have and the pain you resist...

It's all an illusion that seems ever real;
A plan your soul made, just part of the deal.

Do not allow this existence to slow you,
Rather, just let it continue to show you...

That you are a light and your spirit, it shines,
Flying and free and never confined.

This world cannot keep you from burning so bright,
The ground cannot hold you when your spirit flies.

So love who you are and forget what is fake,
It's only the LOVE that you later will take.

Nothing else matters, although you do feel,
Like this world, it matters, and surely is real.

I promise you this, and keep it within,
The love is what's real, the rest, it will end.

The walls of your soul that you
  Toil away building;
The windows are dark and the
  Bricks are unyielding...

( Hate, with a hammer, cracks the wall;
   But Love, with a whisper, makes it fall. )

How many times have I told you, Believe?
And then will you learn how to truly Receive.
  For giving is getting -- these two are the same;
  And living is learning to dance in the rain.