Zack Turner

Zack Turner Dec 2011

Snowfall

Behind the eight-ball,
Never up to par.
It seems that I will always,
Persistently fall.
With no one to help,
Certainly no one to aid.
Is it the brutality of life,
Or am I truly afraid?
I have no control,
I’ve lost it all,
All alone by myself,
With no friend to call.
Complexities vex my mind,
As I struggle through each day,
Lost without a map,
Trying to find my way.
Emotionally screaming hoping for someone to see,
How distraught and depressed my mind can be.
I’ve lost my soul forever,
Or maybe just for a while.
One thing it seems I’ve lost for good,
Is the ability to smile.
My heart has been abducted,
But it has never moved,
Perhaps this is why,
I am so confused.
Am I the only one who always feels like this?
It’s too much,
I can’t bare to withstand,
This constant mental crisis.
I suppose I will continue breathing,
Although it is never relieving.
My lungs have collapsed,
My heart begins to slow,
I will continue to freeze,
In this heavy blanket of snow.

I wrote this when I was depressed in senior year of high school.

Zack Turner Dec 2011

Growth

Life perceived by eyes slightly tinted from a past
Problematic situations appear suddenly vast
Unable to comprehend the actions of others
Due to the daily discourse of thought inside my mind
Not just another
Careless aimless being simply living to find
A new undiscovered way to waste money and time
Logic and reasoning with each and every step
It’s been ten months and I haven’t forgotten yet
People sometimes ask why I do the things I do
And I say, “To try to live with purpose, how about you?”
It’s clear that for many, maturation has not yet come
But for me, it’s been some time
It has not just begun
Now don’t think that I don’t relax and never laugh or smile
Because each and every day I do and it lasts for a while
But when it’s time to handle duties
I believe I handle things well
Ever since my release it feels as if it has been a spell
Nothing I would ever want to have taken away
But something I love and cherish
With gratitude and happiness
Every single day
Although what has occurred in my life has been a great atrocity
I feel as if I have grown
And that nothing can stop me
To accomplish what I want in life
Without being a bore
Hoping to grow old someday
Praising god for allowing me to not walk out that final door
It is evident my personality and mind have changed,
But if feel as if it has been for the good
Unable to comprehend why the world doesn’t do what they should
I wake up everyday now with a purpose and direction
Ironically enough it may have been my greatest blessing
Simply knowing what was close and what could possibly be
I feel that my soul now speaks and that my heart can see
Before I was only concerned with objects or the plan for a night
Nothing truly important
Nothing with great height
But now I see what’s important and what needs to be
For I feel that my soul now speaks and that my heart is free

I wrote this ten months after I was released from the hospital after being the passenger in a near fatal car crash.

Zack Turner Dec 2011

Flux

I remember when the world told me I was wrong, that
Dreams aren’t real, and neither are good intentions.
Live as you speak, not as you breathe.
That’s what I was told to do
And follow it I did
Until I collapsed
Losing
Each breath
From my lungs as if
They were somebody else’s
Who needed them more than I did
Since it seemed like I really didn’t care
About half of the things I pretended to belong to
It only seemed natural to agree with such a demanding force
Like it was the voice of my own that spoke from within
Allowing me to see things as though I were looking
Through planes of clouded glass that were
Supposed to aid my travels with
Their fogged state of self

Zack Turner Dec 2011

Concrete Thoughts

Other days will come. The silence
Reminds me of you, and all of our quiet days
When nothing was similar. All that’s left is the violence
That tears through my mind as I sit here on our steps and gaze

If I came back it would never seem like it once did,
Which is more of a wound than when the laceration was fresh.
I guess its time to close the lid
Abandon dependency, and clean my flesh

It still rings in my eyes like movies played in reverse
The ending starts the film
A memory of inverse

Walking back, all of the pictures begin to melt away
People ask questions showing their concerns
A tired voice manages to whisper, I’m ok

Zack Turner Dec 2011

Clock of Youth

Toy soldiers align in formations
Where generals command their fleets to vanish
Into the depths of time
Amidst rectangular caverns of sand

Villages of gingerbread decay
Leaving behind many half-broken smiles.

Ornamented plush friends mozy along the meadows of one’s mind
Finding dreams that were once read,
While snowmen slowly melt away
Becoming dried up memories
That remind us of what was once

Upon completing level ten
All has come to a cease

A tear at last

Zack Turner Dec 2011

Buyers Beware

One by two they passed me without regard
In a state of catatonia drenched with regret

They moved towards the obstructions in their path
Like flies do towards bright lights

Marching like ants in a line
All holding their ticking time bomb
Unknowingly anticipating the explosion

This isn’t in the instruction manual
What do I do now?

Zack Turner Dec 2011

Choice.

It’s like my words were perishable
Eaten once, then forgotten
Although they rather not
And neither do you
Wish upon such a star from afar

It’s all defense

I never moved
You changed locations
Like wandering gypsies
With no map given
While expectations were held

An end without a start