In between my plow synthesizing into swords
and my daily meditation medications
I took a trip out of my way
to the other side of town
and shook the hand of my lovers lover
there was no greater joy
then the grip of flesh his and mine
and our eyes setting into a blend
entangling into each other like
a night of nigh drunk passion
and in that moment
I didn't hear a thing,

my screams of contempt
the beating of my headache
my throat screaming for vengeance
and my heart sped up

my heart beat took off until spent
then for the first time in a tear filled week
I felt nothing

You know how to say all the perfect
words in perfect order spoken with the
broadest of dialects
and just when to pause and ask
"does this hurt yet?"

Our time doesn't exist
and it probably never did

But I still brunt the words out
from in between my teeth
out of my coup de grace verbatim
and  watch them sink at sea

I don't know that a noun exists in this language
and I know you would not waste a second
to translate it or to write me back
or talk me down

Sweat, sweat, beg, beg, shut up
Is anything I say ever going to be enough?

If I wrote lines in the sand every time I thought
this would there be any script or 'scape

If this is a break, or is it broke why does it feel like so much
work

If all I wanted was what I couldn't pry nor plead my way
into would you still be so shut

If this is what three word phrases feel like what would it
fell like to hear im done

If sand was blood and water was blood and blood was blood
would you still be so aneimic

If I layed on the beach making sand castles and eating
sea life and drinking *** would It ever be enough

Did you see that?

He broke a mans sternum
he never rests nor tires
he drinks martinis with flair
he drives all the fastest cars
and
he didnt even rest
he went through 33 bad men
he went through a case of ***
he had all the girls on his lap

That was good

I feel like **** now though

Ill never have the girls
Ill never be without fear

Im alone
Im a coward

Ill never drive a porsch
Ill never have abs

I am poor
I am obese

Did you see that?

That was good

But now I feel like ****.