sand
silt
clay
water
sunlight
sunlight
sunlight
oh lord
how I miss your light
and my back aches
as it stretches from
horizon to horizon
as I watch the day
and among the elite
the sunflowers
the zinnias
and the forgotten
I root deeper and deeper
because warmth is found within
this world
within ourselves
and some of us have lost that knowledge
that growth

Someone I chose to forget
once told me that everyone
is blessed with gifts
and his was that he could lucid dream
and I thought it was stupid
but didn't say anything
because through fist and word
I was blessed with
the gift of a fragile heart
that breaks more for people than
it has ever beat for me
because mama I'm a god ******
coward
and I'm always on the run from an
unnameable dread
that some have called
love

Another plane
homeward bound
and once again
Texas feels a little
colder
without you

I'm stuck
in a perpetual loop
of longing for something
that I don't know
how to explain
but it comes out when
I listen to all-female
pop rock bands
and I want to be anywhere
but here

Deep breaths
in and out
and we recite the mantra
that one has sangria
on a Wednesday
to reward ourselves
for just how normal
everything is
and that we definitely
haven't been
dreaming about leaving
everyone behind
and running off into
the Italian countryside
to find a nice picturesque spot
to cease existing

I imagine a scenario
in my head where
my father stood in the doorway
before he left and pondered
his decision to leave

this of course
never happened
and he just unceremoniously took off
one day
(yawn. Am I right?)

but hey,
it's just another day
where we tell ourselves
the stories that make sense
or at least sound a bit less
boring in eyes of the audience
for whom we're constantly
performing

The tide is high
on this downward spiral
but I'm not seasick yet
despite riding the endless
current
and staring into the belly
of a whirlpool
and waiting for that
abyss
to stare back