The problem with
living
in a sort of
fantasy world
where people
live like
fireworks
all passion
and fury
burning eternally
after the story
ends is
just that

the story ends

and you're left sitting
on the couch you
bought on a five dollar
budget
with no adventure
lurking over
the horizon
other than the
commute to work
the next day
in hopes that
something
amazing
will happen

I do not
know
what I struggle with
every day
but I do
know that I struggle
otherwise
I wouldn't be
so worn out
from waking up

Why is it that
we romanticize
self-destruction
and buy so heavily
into the archetype
of
tortured artist
tortured soul
and since when did suffering
start to be used
as validation
and survival
and resilience
ignored
as we try to
collect and count
our scars,
only trading them
when something is
to be gained

historically speaking
lobster was food
for the poor
and carp and
dandelions were
staples in our diets
and now that time
has passed
lobster
is a delicacy
and carp and
dandelions are
considered
nuisances
all the while
we seem to forget
that at the end
of the day
lobster
carp
and dandelions
are just
a crustacean
a fish
and a plant
that all exist in their
own right
without any inherent
meaning other than
what we outwardly
project

All I can do is
say the words
over and over
again to show
that the power
to keep fighting
is in me and
burning enough
to keep me warm
in this frozen world

Most days
I exist solely
as a rebellion
against the countless
dead
whose numbers I will
eventually join

I write my best
poetry
when I'm at my worst
with the words I am
able to call out
while my head
goes under the
water again
and again
forming a beautiful
narrative that
attracts an audience
who pay no attention
to the person
causing all the ripples
and splashing sounds
casting sharp notes
to contrast the laughter
on the boardwalk
and I find myself
arguing a case
for meaninglessness
because that's the
only way I can
purge and create
these words
that so spectacularly
resonate with
those who need them

I am not sacrificing
myself because I'm
a savior
I'm doing it because
it feels good.