My heart beats rough,
Every dark vision burns.
Blackness in my blood,
Pain endlessly churns.

I need healing,
No one to lean on.
Pride and sacrifice,
Too many to mourn.

My soul is scarred,
I hide my service well.
Eyes forever dry,
I have already seen hell.

This pain sits heavy inside.
A black hole of un-dealt feeling.
It hurts to carry this daily.
The daunting task has me reeling.

I wish for the weight lifted,
But there is only one remedy.
I need her to be with me,
this darkness needs her clarity.

She is the lighthouse I need.
Saving me from these emotional tides.
Without her, the rocks of life threaten.
I may not survive what's manifested inside.

There is no phase of depression.
This disease cares not for your label.
An ever-turning knife in your chest,
A whispered name repeated.

The world drips of poison sorrow,
Those with eyes and hearts open
Allow it passage into our veins.

The heart rots and is reborn,
Like a Phoenix's endless cycle.
No end in sight, unless...
The hand stops trembling.
The mouth tastes metal.

Courage to live, or courage to die.
The battle inside tears me in half.

Save me from this prison.

My mask may slip but it stays fast,
The straps are worn and weak.
***** the skin, tighten it up,
Fear of showing the freak.

I use lies with smiles as needle and thread,
Emotions kept at bay.
I rue the time my face is exposed,
But that is not today.

Embrace the suffocation.
Breath easier.
You are safe...for now.

I want to carry them.
The men who die young,
The woman alone,
The child abused,
The elderly sent away,
The homeless and poor,
The starving,
The hurt,
The survivors,
I want to carry them all.

My armor gets bigger,
my knot feels heavier,
my self gets smaller.

How did she break me?

Nothing in this world compares to the light you shine on me.
I laugh away compliments and turn my cheek shyly to your everlasting gaze.
My ever analyzing mind picks at you, looking for fault where there is none.
Each day my love for you grows and I begin to quiet that irrational voice.
For no one deserves the love you have, you are an angel among mortals.
All I can give is my entire being for all of eternity and hope that is enough.

I love you.

There was a time,
which I was ripped apart.
I struggled as long as I could,
To prevent this from happening.

Imagine my pain,
A soul ripping in two.
What I didn't consider was you.
You watched and felt pieces of this pain.
For you loved me and part of you was inside me.

I pushed you away,
I didn't know how to fix myself.
I thought space and silence would help cure,
I thought I needed to traverse aimlessly.

It's been almost two years now.
Each day another stitch closes,
And I find myself becoming better.
Like a new butterfly stretching his wings,
Like a snake shedding his skin,
I am free to set a new path.

I walked over you in this process.
My metamorphosis had collateral damage.
I am sorry for not doing this better.
I am sorry for hurting you.
I am sorry.

The wall still stands but my head now hurts.
I slam and I slam, but the pain still lurks.
I want rest, I want release,
Please God, a second of peace.

The quiet, the loneliness, the insanity.
Heart beating faster, soul against gravity.
I can hear the grass grow, my mind screams.
The world as I know it, splits at the seams.

This is the thin line, those cursed must walk.
Step left, dead silence and ghosts that stalk.
Step right, blaring chaos and psychotic bind.
Must find this middle or I'll lose my mind.

Panic, anxiety, fear, depression and hopelessness.
Rage, dispair, life unfair, nothing but loneliness.

In one moment in time,
the pain of rejected love met
with the bliss of a first kiss.

Her soft lips, the focus of new infatuation.
Her smile massaged the heart once stone.
Her eyes fulfilled me with renewed purpose.

To her, the kiss was a pleasant surprise.
An enjoyable moment shared.
A spark did not ignite the flame.
It remained untouched, unfazed, unchanged.

His dream crushed, his utopia crumbled.
The endless memories not yet made, erased.
A harmless kiss, the gesture well received.
The leap of faith...now a drowning abyss.

To him, it was everything and more.
To her, it was just a moment in time.

No matter how hard I try,
The knot never untwines.
All I want is the release,
I envy those that can.

My heart is a valve,
Tightly shut and un-opening.
Pain goes in, tears should come out.

Each day it comes undone.
I feel like the chaos is coming.
To lose control is to be vulnerable.

I'm scared of feeling,
the world is my worse nightmare.

Every sound is amplified and
Sent back to me in an echo.
Ever since she left I have felt
An endless chasm of pain.
My heart feels as though it
Has been shredded in half.
This reverberation in my head
Is driving me insane.
Is this the thought that starts
The leap out the nearest window?

For I know that a thousand shards of
glass through my body would be a paradise in comparison.

Demons and darkness, infected and worn.
Angels and light, my mind now torn.
Murderous intent, eyes ablaze.
No energy to fight, help break this haze.

Days go on, the seconds creep.
If life allowed, forever I'd sleep.
My moments awake, your face I see.
I'd sell it all, even soul to be free.

I want to forget, erase what's been done.
This mind is a prison I can't outrun.
Forgive and forget, that's what they say.
I'll tie me a noose, hang there and pray.

Many is that of man,
God is but one.
The wind blows,
A tree stands alone.

Leaves of all colors,
Thousands sway.
Man is such leaves,
Searching the way.

Identity without purpose,
The branch is weak.
Help find the path,
Almighty to the meek.

To separate the tree,
A leaf is nothing.
Connected we all are,
In him we are trusting.

He was good enough for some of her,
but apparently not all of her.