There is comfort in being right
There is structure in being wrong
There is mirth in being solicitous
There is deafness in being agent
There is fear in being passive
There is joy in being forgetful
There is peace in being truthful
There is freedom in being incomplete

There is a confusion there.
And perhaps that is a good thing.
Like a friend once told me
As we were sitting cross legged
During lunch break in school
In the 6th grade
Of a summer which you were glad to bear
Math comes with practice.
And that the many stupid things I did
Could still be polished
under the glow of my otherwise good grades
I have always felt stupid. And more than awkward
But I know I am not stupid. Even though I am awkward.

I am not sitting here
waiting for the right time and correct way
to be able to clean dishes
and clear the table
for you say so, " right away"
no *****. That's what I think of you
you are a racist little *****
no sense of respect
for me
and hence I have no case or reason to respect you
now or ever
never

you sir
I owe much to
I love you even
for all those times
you were here for me
and that you talked to me
a lonely broken broken hearted numb girl
and you made me feel special
and you made me feel valued
and you made me feel loved
and you made me feel respected
and you are an art an art form an artist
oh you are
yes you are

tonight i feel numb
I feel shocked slighted hurt downcast
by how small and ****** and lonely and ugly and evil
people can be
how deceptive and vulgarly so
they do things for the sake of appearances
when they know
and those who know them, know
that all of this is an act
that it means nothing
how smally they choose to sepd their life
and oh how lonely

It feels like someone
has pulled out my heart
ripped it out of my chest
with ruthless spite
and drained it in poison
so that it dies
It hurts.
And I hope it dries out in the sun
and beats and pumps with
pure clean vitality
once again
after I put it back
I hope and wait
and pray
for it to heal.

I am confused
about life which was a wondeful dream
a romantic discovery, expedition, forest maze
with grand narratives fossil minds mysteries and power struggles
i wanted to find out the absurdities of the world , of people, of the human .mind
lest i seem to have stumbled , quite loudly , in a planned un awkward manner
that nothing is abstract ,only the stories you find you create
you decide to say
to yourself ,and the stories you watch out ,listen to.
and the wonder re returns
and that makes me happy.