I know you dont see me.
dont notice my existence
why would you?
I'm invisble to you.
But to me.
You are everything.
Please.
See
Me

I wish
I was someones everything.
Because if I had someone.
They would be mine
My everything.

I lied.
I do understand.
I do feel those things.
I get the butterflies.
My face grows warm.
My head goes numb.
My stomach flips.
But not with men.
It’s with you.
It’s with her.
It’s with them.
And that terrifies me.
It’s not what girls are supposed to do.
I wasn’t supposed to feel this way.
But I do.
And I want it.
So badly.
I like it when you make me blush.
I like it when you call me cute.
Could you do that more often—
Or would that be weird?
Would you pull away?
Would you look at me differently?
Do you feel the same?
Or am I crazy?
Am I broken?
Am I wrong?
I’m sorry.
I lied.
I am gay.

Please.
Stop asking.
Yes I'm fine.
Yes I'm okay.
Yes I'm happy.

No I have nothing left to give.
No I can't stop.
No I can't keep pretending.

Stop asking.
There's nothing to say.

I just want someone to hold me.
Not to fix me
Not to question me
just to stay.
But  trust--
feels like glass
and I've already bled enough.
My mother
she loved me in ways
that made me flinch.
Who knows?
When she would beat me.
Again.
She taught me to be strong
but never safe.
She taught me to build walls
instead of resting in someones arms.
I feel guilty.
wanting a closeness
especially when it's a girl
whatever that means.
I'm confused
I'm tired
I'm aching for something.
I can never have.
The embrace of arms
that feel like home--
not a test
that I'm scared to fail.
Someone
anyone
Please hold me
Like I'm allowed to be held.