scrolling through your music, nonchalantly
nah.
nope.
no--
one song makes you freeze.
you haven't listened to it in months
and you did so on purpose.
that thing has so much attached to it.
you stare
and ponder.
maybe it isn't so bad anymore?
you snap out of your thoughts and scoff.
it's just a song.
yet, you sigh.
your thumb hovers over the 'play' button
and hesitantly makes contact with it.
in a split second, you're dazed.
words laced with melodies,
a concoction
poisonous to you and only you.
the music grabs you by the waist
dragging you through the walls you've
built around your memories
until your back slams onto rock bottom
and for a moment, you're stuck in there *again.

gems i thought i'd never find, i found in him.
under the soft moonlight, he sang to me, words of
love. such sweet phrases coming out of beautiful
lips. lips i could stare at for ages and ages.
i** love you's and kisses and warm embraces. he could
be the one. the one i'd spend the rest of my
life with. i could be his princess, and we'd live happily
ever after.

i never find balance,
i'm always on extremes.
i stay too far away,
or get dangerously near.

i like one thing
and i like the complete opposite.
i enjoy being quiet
yet i talk just for the heck of it.

i have two sides debating
both of them just as strong.
one that's fine with ******* stuff up
and the other that never wants to be wrong.

i'm curious, but i'm skeptical.
i'm hopeful, but pessimistic.
i want to love, i want to feel
but feelings make me sick.

Gloomy weather.
Dark, heavy clouds.
Jumping into puddles.
Sodden sweaters.
Cups of coffee.
Scary movies.
Quiet naps.
Deep conversations.
Cozy nights.
Soft whispers.
Warm hugs
and tender kisses.

Rainy days with you.

a hazy feeling in my head creeps in
and I begin to feel detached from the world.
I feel surreal.
out of nowhere,
a rush of adrenaline shoves
me into a state of alarm.
panic flowing through my veins
like a current.
my vision gets blurry and it's now or never.
I take a deep breath,
and with every stride matching
the frantic beating of my heart,
I run.

a piece of my soul fell out
with every petal I plucked off.
he loved me.
he loved me not.
he left me.
he hurt me.
he ****** me up.

They could try to distract him
with tempting words but
he would never listen unless
they come out of her mouth.

They could try to ****** him
with skimpy dresses and flirty touches but
nothing else would be worth looking at
if it weren't her.

They could give him
all the money in the world but
truckloads of wealth could never come close
to the amount of love he has for her.

every night I like awake
terrified of falling asleep.
fighting to keep my eyelids open
despite their heaviness that patterns
the painful feeling in my chest.
I can't, I can't,
I whisper to myself
wishing I could be stuck
in permanent slumber.
wishing i could close my eyes
without ever having to open them again.
the light sound of rain seeps into my
consciousness as it lulls me to sleep.
I try to resist, but as my body gives in,
I'm defenseless.
my eyes shut, and
I finally detach myself from reality.
but I know I'll have to snap back eventually.

You are the shard of glass
I hold in both my hands.
You slice through my skin
you make me wince in pain
and leave scars that last a lifetime.
You hurt me
yet I refuse to throw you away.

I feel like
i've been blindfolded and
trapped into a dark room
no doors
no windows
nothing
but shards of glass all over the floor

and i've just been shoved to the ground.

I don't know you that well,
but I wanted you from the moment
you caught my attention.

I don't know you that well,
but I see the pain in your eyes,
and the tragedy in the beautiful poetry you write.

I don't know you that well,
but I know that you're broken
and I'm pretty wrecked myself.

I don't know you that well,
but I hope you'd let me in
and allow me to be broken with you

for we could be the two pieces that
finally fit like *perfection.

She was like a hologram
a figure you could clearly see
but never get a good grasp of
She wandered off into a maze of mirrors
and you stared in awe as you
followed right behind her.
With a frown on her face,
she turned around and gave
you a questioning look.
You couldn't do anything but gaze back.
She shook her head slightly and
continued to explore the illusive room.
You followed right behind her
making absolutely sure that
it was her you were following
and not a mere reflection.
She turned around again,
"Why are you following me?"
with a smirk on her flawless face.
and you blink back.
Why are you following her?
Lost in a trance,
your mind suddenly jolts
you back into consciousness.
You look around,
and she's gone.
Gone
without a trace.
But you know you'd spend a lifetime
waiting for her to reappear.

take my hand and i'll pull you through
to the corners of my mind.

i'll show you around from
my thoughts at ungodly hours
to my biggest fears in life.

from my highest hopes and dreams
to my decisions that are always hit-or-miss

from the moments that make me
feel like the best in the world
to "how did my life turn into this!?"

by the end of the journey
i hope you'd understand
and be a little more kind.

take my hand and i'll pull you through
to the corners of my mind.

outcasts
     in a perfectionist world

struggling
      to    fit
                    in
yet desperate
      to    get
                    *out

he was her source of light
he made her heart sing.
he brought out the beauty in her
that she'd never seen before.
he was her rock
the foundation that encouraged her
to build herself.
to love herself.
they were perfectly imperfect.
outcasts finding comfort in each other.
but the fateful day arrived
when he went away without a word.
left her crawling in the dark
searching for something to hold onto.

he left.

and because of him,
she never had the heart
to sing again.

Abra cadabra.
You played a trick on me.
Disappeared without a trace.

Was I not worth the warning?
Was I just *not worth it for you anymore?

You used me.
Like a toy on a shelf
you only paid attention to
when you were bored.
when it was convenient.
when you had nothing else to spend your time on.

I let you right in,
left the door wide open for you,
yet all you did was rob me
and leave.

If you think I'm going to
put up with you forever
I can't
My patience isn't unlimited
and you used it right up.
I've grown tired of the chase.
I'm done.

It's time I perform a disappearing act of my own.

I have a handful of fears
fears I would never dare face
but for you, I would throw them all away.

I fear the ocean,
but I'd swim through the coldest, most violent ocean
for you.

I fear heights,
but I'd freefall off the highest cliff I could find
for you.

I fear needles,
but I'd shove a million through my skin
for you.

I fear myself,
but I'll keep myself alive
for you.

This boy
with the charming smile and
the intense stare.
The one with a sense of humor
unique enough to send
me into a giggling fit.
The one I go on little adventures with.
The one I share a little bubble with.
The one who opened the door
and brought me into a new world of music.
The one who constantly piques my curiosity.
The one with the ability to turn
my perspective around.
The one bursting with creativity,
with ideas so eccentric,
they make you think.
The one with a sharp mind
and a sharper tongue.
The one with vivid dreams that
I love to read about like novels.
The one with the dark side.
The one who gets depressed for weeks.
The one who's constantly invaded by his demons,
unkowingly taking my own emotions with them.

You.
Yes, you.
The odd one.
Simply put, I love you to death.
Within you are layers under layers
and I wouldn't mind spending my whole life
uncovering each one
and cherishing each part of you I find.
I'm not entirely sure of
what I mean to you,
but telling you that
you mean the world to me
just doesn't cut it.
Doesn't even come close.
I just.
I love you.