when trust is broken
your sorry means nothing.
but I forgave you,
when you were dying
you asked for my forgiveness
and I did forgive you.

but that does not mean you were forgiven,
It was never bound to be forgotten.
your bruises and wounds of me
were my battle scars
proof for everyone to see
that when I was a child
innocent to the world
I was forced to grow up
trust no one
and be cruel.

how many times did I called your attention
to stop the whips,
to stop me from beating up
to stop me from following your orders
listening to your ****** up rules
but it all ended me, in one blow.
when you plead me for mercy,
It was not mercy that came to my mind at first
It was never forgiveness, sought or not
but it was hatred and bitterness
I will let you taste it.
I will make sure that your life is a living hell
as long as you breathe and
as long as I breathe.

I made your blood boil.
It itches your skin
to not hurt me
punch me
skin me alive
burn me
what else have you got?
stake me through my heart?
put the gun in my ******* head
pull the trigger
make me drink the poison you made
It made you crazy seeing me breathe
maybe you forgot,
I was your offspring
from you, I came from
you are my kind
yet you denied me
despised me,
denied me.

be cruel to me, father
at all costs
whatever you did,
it was never buried with you in the first place
in your deathbed, you lie
pleading for forgiveness
enough is enough
because it ends with me.

for almost 30 years
my trauma of what my father did to me
still haunts me
one time, I was asleep,
dreaming,
I saw a child being beaten by my father
as it turns out, I am that child
and an adult me, stood from afar, frozen
cannot move, cannot speak

as if, it was a reminder for me to see
that not everything is meant to be forgotten
even I could not distinguish it
that am I in my dreams or in reality?
It felt surreal,
since dreams are just an imitation or mimicry of the reality
It was hard for me to fathom
why did these things happen?
Is there a purpose?
Or is it for a reason?

my battle scars are still there
how I wish that the young me
is not all bruised and abused

I wish someone out there helped me
when they heard me screaming for help
but they were too afraid to come by

In his eyes, I can see
that he did not love me
Is his definition of love about abuse?
or is it a mere facade he masks

every time I look at him as my father
he was never a father, but a figure
that every time, I see him
holding a knife, a belt or anything sharp
to whip or hurt me
I shiver from the memory
by thinking about it
it gave me horror

I built up my walls so high
I built my standards so high
that no one could ever climb on
to ruin it for me
but it did break down
until I met her.

everything changed,
every kiss and hug feel like home
a comfort I was longing to find
that even if it led me to unfamiliar places
meet a lot of different faces
she is still that woman that gave me joy
that gave me light
loved and accepted me
embraced me as a whole,
though I felt shattered and incomplete
but without her, life was meaningless.

That was when I decided to say that she is the one for me.

You wanted a fight,
I brought war to your home.
You brought issues,
I brought destruction.

Think twice and bring whatever you want,
But let me tell you,
What you bring is three times worse in return.

Release the Kraken,
they might say,
But a winged Pegasus,
paired with Medusa’s head
Is mightier than anything you've offered.

He was all seven of the deadly sins
but he made me a villain for everyone to see
that there is a little bit of devil
hidden in my angelic innocent eyes

like pride, I'd swallow you whole
spit you because you're lukewarm
said he, "you'll be the death of me"
I smirked and spot with my little eye
to tell you a white lie
"I am the ruin of you"
does it scare you now?

watch everything you built
crumble down
I did everything
in my power
to destroy everyone
who stands in my way.

I was once young and naive,
to tell you, frankly
I thought birds can fly
without its wings
locked in a cage
full of broken dreams
and opportunities passing by.

I plead for help
every whip and blow
is pain and bruised
all wounded up
I'd **** for you
but don't **** me in return
put me in a sack,
smoke and burn me
bang my head against the wall
I hope I healed my inner child

I was cruel to the world,
bitter for everyone to see
my ****** heart all melted
for someone so softhearted.

bad monsters never looked like monsters
sometimes, a monster holds a rooster
put under the influence
smoke ****, cigarette and drink to sleep
he breeds violence, breeds selfishness and greed
watch the world burn
or watch yourself lie in your sarcophagus
deep within your catacomb